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I have always been an atheist, I have never believed in any god, devil deity or anything that any religion worships. I have been seeking something through my life, and I am of 2 people in my mind and stuck in a mass confusion in my body and soul. I have seen Buddhism before but was always told it was a strict religion not for outsiders and now know that is not true. The more I read and and learn of buddhism, the more i am drawn to it. The spirituality, the enlightenment, the control and strength of mind and body working together. Not for a deity or god, but for yourself, inside. That is what I am seeking in my life. I have so much tragedy, pain and problems that i am spinning out of control. I need guidance, and help in my life, and the only one who can do that is me. This quiet yet powerful essence (that is the only word i can think to describe it for myself) is something that is too beautiful to describe. I do know Buddhists, and they are wonderful people, the best I have met, as Christians, Catholics, Jewish and all religions condemn me as they learn of what I am. Buddhists just smile and talk with me about life and things. I can never believe in a god, diety or anything omnipotent, but i can believe in myself and I feel that is why buddhism will help me and be a true guidance, fullfillment for me. Any information and guidance will be welcomed.
Angyl
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Comments
OK first to solve your problem... This material I need to know what is it you are worrying about?
I think you're farther along than some people. Some people on this site are dealing with (when it comes to "seeking" - not to minimalize what you're saying ) throwing away things that have been engrained in them since they were children.
There is a good book I've been reading called Buddhism Without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor. He is a man who was a former monk in both the Tibetan and Zen ways of Buddhism.
He makes some very, very good points and thought about life and dealing with things.
-bf
* A note on the author: Thanissaro Bhikkhu (Geoffrey DeGraff) is an American Buddhist monk of the Thai forest kammathana tradition. After graduating from Oberlin College in 1971 with a degree in European Intellectual History, he traveled to Thailand, where he studied meditation under Ajaan Fuang Jotiko, himself a student of the late Ajaan Lee. He ordained in 1976 and lived at Wat Dhammasathit, where he remained following his teacher's death in 1986. In 1991 he traveled to the hills of San Diego County, USA, where he helped Ajaan Suwat Suwaco establish Wat Mettavanaram ("Metta Forest Monastery"). He was made abbot of the monastery in 1993. His long list of publications includes translations from Thai of Ajaan Lee's meditation manuals; Handful of Leaves, a four-volume anthology of sutta translations; The Buddhist Monastic Code, a two-volume reference handbook for monks; Wings to Awakening; and (as co-author) the college-level textbook Buddhist Religions: A Historical Introduction.
"Ask your friend to look around at everything that is red, tell her to spend 15 seconds looking around at all the red things she can see and to remember them. Then ask her close her eyes, she’ll be expecting you to ask her to remember all the red items, but while her eyes are still closed ask her how many blue things she remembers seeing and ask her to name them individually. I bet she won’t get many if any!
This is an experiment to show that we only notice what we focus on. This is very true and it is true with all things in life, whatever we focus on becomes our reality."
Make the you yourself, then maybe you will find a new meaning in life.
Angyl
It is so good to hear that you, too, find some comfort in Buddhism. There is nothing wrong and much that is right in wanting to be comforted. After all, we are social creatures.
For me, taking refuge in the Sangha means realising that I am part of the companionship of all beings. I am not alone even though that may be my delusion.
It is a joy to take refuge in the Dharma because it actually teaches the truth of freedom, having first acknowledged my bondage.
And, what can I say about refuge in the Buddha? How to describe the sense of the reality of buddhahood? And the growing awareness that it is, not simply as potential but, 'within', here and now.
You sound like a wonderdful person to get to know.... I am reminded of something my Shiatsu teacher once said to me, which I'm sure Simon would agree with.
"We as teachers" (I'm quoting him now) "often set out to impart our knowledge to others in order to increase the pool we inhabit. So many times, we come out of the lesson having learnt more from those we are purpotedly teaching, than they have learnt from us."
Life is a continuous exchange of knowledge. Never ever forget, dearest Angyl, that if you are coming into this site to receive information and guidance, your imput will almost certainly be immeasurably valuable to others here. We all need each other, and it is thus, that we all benefit from the information and guidance.
Bless you. Stick with it. Whatever ails you, know that ultimately, you are stronger.
All I have to say is that, don't go feeling too bad about it.
I think it's interesting that you've always been an atheist. I wasn't atheist until I was about 19 or 20 (and I'm still only 22). Before then I was an uber-devout Christian - the last person you'd think would lose faith. But the more I read, the less sense it made. Sometimes I still feel a pull towards those old beliefs, though. Some people might believe that is a "sign", and sometimes I do wonder if there's something out there, but mostly I think it is because that was just how I was raised and it will always hold me at least a little bit. Of course, it's not something I like to admit to many Christians because, well, it gives some of them renewed hope that they can convert me and personally, I'm just kind of sick of hearing the same arguments again and again and again.
Just curious, what was it like to grow up atheist? Do you ever fear that there really is a deity or deities out there that you might be offending?
I was just thinking after reading this that you seem much more open than your Christian friends.
What is wrong if you sometimes feel old pulls. I don't think that there is anything in the basic teachings of Buddha that disagree with the teachings of Christ. I could be wrong here - and if I am - I'm sure someone will point it out
If you believe in a Christian god - especially after reading the New Testament - do you think a god of compassion and love would be upset with someone questioning what other "people" tell you you have to do or not do? Do you think a Christian god would be upset with a person trying to remove those elements which Buddha taught us causes suffering? Which of the elements that Buddha taught us causes suffering (craving and such) were ever stated in Christianity as being "something we need to do to follow Christ"?
I know this is just my opinion - but I think you are much more open minded than your "converting obsessed" friends. I don't mean to say that your friends are bad people - I just have never believed in enforcing my opinions on my friends - or keep bringing my opinions up that make the time when I'm with my friends "uncomfortable". So, I don't like it when other people do it.
-bf
You ask about being brought up as an atheist. That was my experience and I am extremely grateful for it!
Angyl
I don't think that god would look down on me for most of my Buddhist beliefs, but if actually believing in that god is a requirement to avoid hell/get into heaven....well, I'm screwed. Oh well. Despite the occasional feeling that there might be some sort of deity out there, more often than not it sounds like a bunch of bologna to me. (No offense meant to the theists out there.) If anything, I find the Bible with all its contradictions and horrible stories, including in the NT, to be further proof that that god does not exist and if he did, the only reason I'd worship him would be from fear - and I really don't want to be that kind of person. Again, no offense. Just my personal thoughts over the past few years.
I am told that it is good to have doubt but that I have to keep working really hard on my faith. Yet the more I try to understand and grasp Christianity, I only become more confused and distance myself from it. I guess I am an agnostic buddhist now. I am trying out Buddhism right now to see if it is right for me. I think it is because I have become so much stronger in the mind and body.