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Being single
I think this will be my ego speaking, but nonetheless, I’d like to share a point that has been troubling me.
For whatever reason, I’ve found that most of the focus of my energy, and I believe the energy of the people whom I have spent most of my time around, has been directed at relationships with other people, and a fear of being single and/or alone.
<O:p</O:p
This sense that what was missing in my life was an intimate relationship with another person was what brought me to Buddhism. I couldn’t bear the pain of being separate from others, and so I hopped on the Buddhism bus. desperate to find some solution to this suffering.
<O:p</O:p
As my story goes, the Buddhism bus took me to some very interesting places. These places felt extremely honest and truthful compared to anything else I had previously experienced.
<O:p</O:p
The problem is that I fear there may not really be any space for a long-lasting, intimate relationship with another being to develop in these places (or mind states, if you will). Even if a relationship were possible, I don't know what function it would serve, because these places are known as complete in themselves, lacking nothing.
<O:p</O:p
Do any others connect with these words (there I go again, still looking for more human connections)?
For whatever reason, I’ve found that most of the focus of my energy, and I believe the energy of the people whom I have spent most of my time around, has been directed at relationships with other people, and a fear of being single and/or alone.
<O:p</O:p
This sense that what was missing in my life was an intimate relationship with another person was what brought me to Buddhism. I couldn’t bear the pain of being separate from others, and so I hopped on the Buddhism bus. desperate to find some solution to this suffering.
<O:p</O:p
As my story goes, the Buddhism bus took me to some very interesting places. These places felt extremely honest and truthful compared to anything else I had previously experienced.
<O:p</O:p
The problem is that I fear there may not really be any space for a long-lasting, intimate relationship with another being to develop in these places (or mind states, if you will). Even if a relationship were possible, I don't know what function it would serve, because these places are known as complete in themselves, lacking nothing.
<O:p</O:p
Do any others connect with these words (there I go again, still looking for more human connections)?
0
Comments
Sometimes its best not to worry too much and to become too focused on wanting to make intimate relationships happen. Its good to just have an open friendly attitude towards others without any expectations and perhaps in time you'll meet someone ... but one can still feel perfectly happy alone!
If you keep investigating Buddhist teachings and meditate regularly, you might gradually become less anxious about these matters. It would be worthwhile investigating offline Buddhist centres and meeting other Buddhists too.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
That being said, even if you have no plans on going all the way, you should still push forward. What'll happen is your anxiety and concerns over such things will eventually vanish, but your capacity for a relationship will increase. Right now, it sounds, and I say this with the kindest intentions, like you might be a bit needy. If you continue along the path you'll cultivate peace with being, until you become like a pillar of stability that emanates it's energy to those around them.
Take a look at those pillars. Isn't it awe inspiring at how much weight and support it can bring. In addition to stability and peace, will come patience and concentration, making you a better listener, and insightful into other's problems. Now you may not have the most to talk about, but there are people out there that if you give the slightest positive feedback can fill 99.99999% of a non-stop five hour conversation.
Well, if this is the case, I can understand! Personally, I can see the oppurtunity for relationships and such but deep down I know that there isn't a neccesary thing for that relationship to fill, other than maybe my love and time. BUT, if I were to analyze it again, I know my tendency to get attatched, thus, think that a relationship may in fact hinder my buddhist practices, and what I am striving for.
I hope you find out what is worth it for /you/. You may find that now that you've gotten into buddhism, you could be a little less dependent on relationships, and live with what you have if it comes along, and let it leave too, once it goes. If, like gemini said, you don't plan on devouting your life completly to buddhism, I don't see a reason not to date, if you really want. Just do so mindfully
A shooting star is nice and a beautiful thing to see and expirience, but... they don't last forever, this is what makes them even worth seeing.
Best of luck!
I easily lose perspective. One moment I scoff at somebody else's trivial concerns, the next I am unable to bear the slightest troublesome feelings.
Thanks again.
Even better than that when you see an object burning up in the atmosphere WOWEE! You get a bright flare, a beam, little ozone particles and a giant smoke trail.
I was alone at the time
How can you define feelings as being troublesome?
Although it may not be 100% the same, I must say that the Idea of being with someone can be an appealing one for many reasons (companionship f.e.), but since I started living by the Buddhist philosophy my feelings have changed... my need has diminished (a lot at times).
I MUST admit though, that I like flirting with "not only the idea"... but at times I get caught up in it, and I start to cling to the idea again... and boy I have never felt like I failed my Buddhist ways more then when I started to cling again, I felt lousy about the whole thing and it almost felt as if "detachment" was completely out of sight/reach (for a moment).
But as I was taught on this forum, let those be the moments the teaching moments. Tomorrow is a new day! Good luck.