Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Buddhism on Relationships/Love
I don't want to go into the dilemmas of my life, I would simply like some suggested readings on Buddhism and love. I feel as though I am loving in all the right ways, not reacting angrily, and being very understanding but at the end of the day my heart feels sadness towards my companion for the emptiness I am undergoing. I'm not being a confused and naive young adult.. but rather one seeking the proper knowledge of love within long term relationships. My apologies if that sounded like jumble.. my mind feels clouded..
*sigh*
*sigh*
0
Comments
Love is an attachment.
In the sense that we cling to the hope and desire that this particular love will be the one to make us happy, content, fulfilled and complete.
No relationship on this planet - or any other one for that matter - can do that for us.
Your walk of the path seems a little impeded because you're doing all the right things, but not getting the desired feedback.
So your efforts seem futile and unrewarded, and you feel as if - perhaps - what you are attempting to do, is based on a false premise of Love.
It shouldn't be one-sided, and thankless.
Obviously, you have not clarified your situation, so it makes it difficult to be specific, but your motivation is nor coming from a base of Unconditional Compassion.
I would guess. (And thus, might be wrong....)
But sometimes you know, you have to look at how productive beating your head against a brick wall, actually is.
If you're doing the same things, and it's not working - then is it skilful to be doing the same things?
If you want this to work, because you'd like it to be your perfect love - but no matter what Effort you put in, this Great love isn't manifesting - then, face it.
It's not the Great Love.
Is it?
I think sometimes we come into a relationship, any relationship, for what we can get out of it. But, this may not be a wise way to come at it, because we are not in charge of what we get. We are only in charge of what we can give, and anything we get is simply a gift. We don’t deserve it. We don’t have it coming. We can only be grateful for it.
This isn’t because we are just victims by any means. This is simply because, that is how it is. But, very often what we give, comes right back to us. It may not be from the person you had originally wished it would come from. But sooner or later, someone will love you back, in spades.
I’m not talking karma or anything difficult to understand here. I’m talking common sense. Love seems to come to us, overflowing from those we give to in abundance. We just have to prime the pump, and simply keep on giving, and the cool sweet water (of love) will flow in abundance for everyone to drink of freely.
So often we don’t think to give to others exactly what we hunger for ourselves. It is the whole “me first” thing, because we are so very hungry for love that we can’t get out of our own way. But demanding love simply doesn’t work at/all, and we end up peevish and fighting. Unfortunately that starts a cycle that carries us far away from what we had originally wanted, lost, and alone.
Lastly, we must allow people to be who they are. The greatest gift that we can ever give in this world, to anyone, is to forgive someone 100% for not being perfect. People flourish under unconditional love.
Then, miracle of miracle, they surprise us with how very wonderful they actually are. It was hidden b/4 behind their own fears of being who they are, their fears of rejection.
And also:
We, ourselves, couldn’t always see it b/4, because we had way too many (dog-gone) ideas about who they should have been instead, and these ideas blinded us.
I found these things out the hard way, through many, many unnecessary tears. : ^ (
Hope this helps you some.
Warm Regards, : ^ )
S9