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Trust and self cherishing
I have found that one of my problems is one with trust. It seems that I am afraid of it because I am unsure as to where, when, why, or how to place it. Or who to trust with it. The cause of this runs deep and the habits are ingrained to near unconsicousness. I feel that it is the cause of my unnatural fears.
I also have a problem with self cherishing. It appears that I often do the right thing in order to boost my ego. This to me is a problem because if I am to become a buddha then I must be truely altruistic and that is not. This problem also borders on unconsiousness.
I am asking for help in finding a means to find the cause of and solution to these problems
Thank you
Alex
Om mani padme hum
I also have a problem with self cherishing. It appears that I often do the right thing in order to boost my ego. This to me is a problem because if I am to become a buddha then I must be truely altruistic and that is not. This problem also borders on unconsiousness.
I am asking for help in finding a means to find the cause of and solution to these problems
Thank you
Alex
Om mani padme hum
0
Comments
Fear of loss of control.
This is the fundamental ingredient in Clinging/Grasping and Desire.
Relax.
It's ok, it's natural.
By releasing your desire and grasping, you fear you will relinquish control of everything you believe has been real in your life.
But in fact, it is by this very releasing - this liberation - that complete, total and rooted control takes place.
Be well.
Fede
Yes, what you describe is typical human nature. We are all in the same boat.
The solutions?
1. Focus on doing your practice rather than measuring how you well you are/aren't doing.
2. Practice with patience. Realize that it may take several lifetimes to obtain enlightenment. Practice now so that you can set strong imprints of practicing ... imprints that will manifest in your next rebirth and draw you to find the Dharma so that you can continue to practice.
3. Ensure that your practice is solid and valid ... this means finding a qualified teacher from whom you can learn face-to-face, who can correct any misunderstandings ... even if it is only a few times a year, even if you have to travel to achieve that contact.
4. Don't beat yourself up because you are not enlightened yet. You are no different from the rest of us -- we are all samsaric beings. And just as we practice compassion for others, we need to include compassion for ourselves. As your do for others, also be gentle, forgiving, tolerant and kind for yourself as well. Walk lightly on the path.
If you don't have a lot of trust that is ok. That means you think you have less conditioned confidence. But conditionned confidence is always unreliable anyhow and whats important is to link in to that sense of unconditioned confidence that can open to any situation.
Whenever a sore point comes up you have the choice to close off and try to dull out. Or numb out. Or open up and go with the situation in an alive (and sometimes feels too much) way.
As far as the ego thing. I think eventually you will get sick of it. And you will vomit it up and it won't come back.
The trust thing I think is nessasary for a human life. And my lack of it disturbs me silghtly beacuse I feel that I am less apt to show loving kindness as a result of my mistrust.
I am ready to vomit because of the ego. i dont even understand why its there. i have no need for it why is it here. "svaha" it is as it is. Butr it can be useful because the expression of it and the problems that ensue because of it can invoke humility ("alex you have an ego problem") hehe. And it is also a strong motivation to practice.