Helping a friend

acceptance

A horribly conflicted, but self aware person.

A suicidal person, but also a spiritual person.

A person who has mood swings like I have never seen before, honest.

He lets me in then shuts me out. I feel he only contacts me when he's upset, leaving me and my topics of discussion on the back burner. I feel compelled to help him. My mother was suicidal growing up so its a trigger for me.

In a nutshell, he is very very discouraged with life in general. He mentions suicide about twice a month, but then goes on to say later that he would never do it. We make plans to hang out and talk and he breaks them 99% of the time. I'm texting him like crazy hoping to reach him. He will text back. Not quite sure what kind of "friendship" this is, if at all really. I do learn alot about myself in knowing him, and we have some dysfunctions in common and we are healing together...

I've never been on such a big roller coaster, please give some advice? I feel that I can help him because I am there for him but with my emotional armour on. He also has some pill addictions.

A

Jeffrey

Well what struck me having been in some of those relationships was the fact that we can have a positive effect on people but it can be frustrating. Some people are just going in circles and you notice that sometimes talking to them.

I think by listening and being there that is a great gift to this person. You might not be able to 'fix them', but you can be their friend. With the pill addictions one thing to keep in mind is that there are different stages of recovery from such addictions. If they are not ready then its not always the best thing to (or comfortable for you) to always harp about the pills. But you should ask them why they do it just to get them to think about it. And provide whatever encouragement at each stage as comes natural to you. One stage is just thinking about it. Another stage is seeing its a problem. Another stage is trying to change but failing perhaps and so forth.

This will be a learning experience for you all around because a lot that goes on with people who are suffering is difficult for everyone concerned to bear. A great time to practice non-attachment. Being spacious with whatever comes up and waiting for a natural response to arise, I hope they will.

With regards to suicidal ideation, let them know that thats a symptom that they are depressed. They might receive help from therapy or medication (prescribed pills). Or just counseling or something.

One caution is that you have to have boundaries and draw the line. If you are in danger or something like that (you think) that is not ok. I know because some of these people have friends that are nothing but trouble when they all get together and draw you into the life of drugs and drinking. Not a pretty picture.

Edit: you mentioned mood swings. They might be bipolar and need lithium or depakoate or an antipsychotic to help them with their moods stability.

acceptance

Awesome, thank you.

He admits to and is trying to stop the pills. He keeps describing himself as either "good" or "bad" also, and I'm trying to help with that. I don't harp on anything actually. When he reaches out to me I just tell him that he isnt thinking clearly right now and that I care.

I have my own food addictions so I feel that I do understand to a point. As for getting looped in, he's very concious about not burdening me or dragging me in. Always apologizing.

It's really the suicide thing that scares me. I know if he does go thru with it it's not my fault, and I did everything I could to help him see what a great person he is. But what if he is serious? Do people who bring it up every couple of weeks really go thru with it? Or would they just do it without saying anything?

Thanks again Jeffrey

nibbuti

acceptance wrote: »

But what if he is serious? Do people who bring it up every couple of weeks really go thru with it? Or would they just do it without saying anything?

Hi acceptance

That really depends on the person. I had a friend once who regarded "suicide talk" as a philosophical leisure activity, much like talking about Buddhadhamma, but on a more materialistic level. He had a sober sadness regarding life in general, but he wasnt clinically depressed. And most of all, he was clean.

However, one never knows for sure if another person is serious unless one can read their mind. Thus, as a rule of thumb, from my personal experience, as long as someone keeps talking about it, they probably won't go through with it, but are reaching out for help.

If i met a "suicidal" person once again, i'd probably show them that there's a way to sober up, never look back and rest their mind at peace. Mind tends to overcomplicate things when one is in the "suicidal" mood. Sometimes compassion is best, sometimes equanimity.

Take care