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Breaking up in a compassionate way..

acceptanceacceptance
edited February 2010 in Buddhism Basics
I love getting older

I love forgiving myself

I love learning to care less and less what other people think

I love that my husband is being so kind...and honest with his feelings even tho it hurts...

We all have our own special list of needs. Needs, not wants.

In a relationship I really need an emotive person, one who communicates well and has a positive outlook on life. I can work with most anything else, but a person who holds everything in and doesn't talk to me just KILLS me. So lonely, just like my childhood.

You? What are your needs? The most important ones?

This is going to be the most mature, compassionate and heartfelt break up I have ever been thru. So much learning has taken place here, wow.

Any tips?

Comments

  • PaxPax
    edited February 2010
    The end of a relationship, no matter how loving and compassionate, also means the end of the dream of a shared future...allow yourself the opportunity to grieve this loss so you can truly let go with love.
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited February 2010
    That's exceptionally good advice. It took me months and months to come to that realization after a particularly bad break up about 10 years ago. I wish someone had pointed it out to me earlier.
  • Quiet_witnessQuiet_witness Veteran
    edited February 2010
    Compassion comes from true understanding. Try to see things from his point of view.
  • DeshyDeshy Veteran
    edited February 2010
    What I need right now is more time to practice meditation and stop getting attached to my mum ;)

    About your breakup, well this is why I don't like to get romantically involved with anyone. It's messy and no matter what we say it is all about "myself" at the end of the day. Isn't that the reality? You grieve this loss because "you" are losing something that you like. To me it is no better than crying over a lost doll when you were a kid.

    Attachments create suffering because you are getting attached to an entity which has the possibility to change or your perception about this entity also has the possibility to change. Either way it creates suffering. So let it go. Letting go is the best thing you can do right now. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes this harsh reality makes you realize the uselessness in grieving.

    edit: I should not post to the forum atm. I am not in a good mood :eek:
  • BrigidBrigid Veteran
    edited February 2010
    Deshy wrote: »
    What I need right now is more time to practice meditation and stop getting attached to my mum ;)

    About your breakup, well this is why I don't like to get romantically involved with anyone. It's messy and no matter what we say it is all about "myself" at the end of the day. Isn't that the reality? You grieve this loss because "you" are losing something that you like. To me it is no better than crying over a lost doll when you were a kid.

    Attachments create suffering because you are getting attached to an entity which has the possibility to change or your perception about this entity also has the possibility to change. Either way it creates suffering. So let it go. Letting go is the best thing you can do right now. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes this harsh reality makes you realize the uselessness in grieving.

    edit: I should not post to the forum atm. I am not in a good mood :eek:
    I get into the exact same moods, Deshy! When I'm feeling a bit fed up with the world and people I feel the same as you've expressed your feelings here. Very, very much the same.
  • nuageuxnuageux
    edited February 2010
    acceptance wrote: »
    In a relationship I really need an emotive person, one who communicates well and has a positive outlook on life. I can work with most anything else, but a person who holds everything in and doesn't talk to me just KILLS me. So lonely, just like my childhood.

    You? What are your needs? The most important ones?

    I'd like to say that I don't need a relationship at all, of any kind, but of course that's not really true. Humans are social creatures, after all. I think it's incredibly difficult to be in a healthy close relationship (whether romantic or just friends), and yet not become attached to it in any way. How is it possible to do that really?

    Someone once told me that when people become ordained (in western traditions) they have the option to take a vow of celebacy. Although I don't think this would be for me, I can completely understand why someone might take that option - life would probably be a lot simpler.
    Deshy wrote: »
    Attachments create suffering because you are getting attached to an entity which has the possibility to change or your perception about this entity also has the possibility to change. Either way it creates suffering. So let it go. Letting go is the best thing you can do right now. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes this harsh reality makes you realize the uselessness in grieving.

    I agree.
  • krahmerkrahmer
    edited February 2010
    Deshy wrote: »
    About your breakup, well this is why I don't like to get romantically involved with anyone. It's messy

    Isn't aversion just the other flavor of attachment? Avoiding something which you aren't good at, or because you are afraid of failure, isn't the most skillful choice, I believe. I know this, because I'm good at it. :)

    brian
  • appleorangeappleorange
    edited February 2010
    I think you should just dump them person and tell them why?
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