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Buddhist and real life problems
Just curious, what does a buddhist do if a person falls into temptation and lets say has an extramarital affair?
Have they broken some rule and now have to work harder to make up for the adultry or does the mistake not matter all that much?
What if someonene has a bad rage issue and kills someone? Or commits rape or other really bad crime. What does buddhism say about what they need to do to deal with their mistakes/crimes? Have they incured a spitural "debt" that needs to be addressed somehow? If so how does buddhism say to deal with that??
Carolina
Have they broken some rule and now have to work harder to make up for the adultry or does the mistake not matter all that much?
What if someonene has a bad rage issue and kills someone? Or commits rape or other really bad crime. What does buddhism say about what they need to do to deal with their mistakes/crimes? Have they incured a spitural "debt" that needs to be addressed somehow? If so how does buddhism say to deal with that??
Carolina
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Comments
In the Sankha Sutta the Buddha explains how to ease the inevitable bad results of one's past bad deeds.
In the Ariyamagga Sutta the Buddha explains what leads to the ending of kamma altogether.
Jason
In essence, there are no rules. There are only trainings, or guidlines, to overcome kamma and be free from the rounds of birth and death (samsara). I would say that to learn from your mistakes, see the harm that they can cause (dukkha), and do all you can to refrain from making them again is a good start. Once you see that what you do harms yourself, as well as others, you will develop wisdom. You will see the unskillfulness of those actions and do more to develop skillfull actions. After that you will begin to do more good actions to help overcome the bad ones. In the mean time meditation can help you to delve into yourself and work out all of your inner problems. In the end you will have a much better, and less stressful life. The only thing you need to start is the intention to change.
The story in the Angulimala Sutta has always helped me to understand this idea from the Buddhist perspective. In this story a man who has commited 999 murders still has the chance to turn himself around and change. In fact, he achieves the highest possible goal of the holy life, arahantship.
Jason
If someone has an extramarital affair, nothing will make it all disappear. What's done is done. However, one can try to rectify it with their spouse, the person they had the affair with, with anyone else affected (friends/family), and even with themselves. My husband had an affair, and things have definitely been hard, but we went to marriage counseling and have worked through many of our issues. Now we just keep working on rebuilding trust and further improving our marriage in other ways.
As for other crimes, it is pretty much the same - you do what you can to make things right. When I was Catholic, if I did something wrong I confessed to a priest and said a few prayers as penitence. As a Buddhist, I try to look to the consequences of the deed and make things better as much as I can. I wouldn't call it a "spiritual debt" - after all, no ones keeping score but us and our fellow mortals. But it does make sense that what we do can come back to haunt us - however many Hail Mary's and Our Fathers we say.
I'm a great one for quotations, but they ain't worth diddly squat if you don't walk the talk. I have three as my signature which I try to live by each moment of the day, and countless others which have all at one point or another kicked me in the pants....
The one which saw me through this potential minefield was shakespeare's line from Hamlet, and can and does apply to everything and anything in Life:
THis above all:
To thine own SELF be true,
And it must follow, as the Night the Day,
Thou canst NOT then be false to Any Man.
Ultimately, what I did could be regarded by the outsider as selfish. From my point of view, I had to deal with the potential and real effect on my karma and everyone else's. hence the Compassion and Dignity.
Things have moved on. I am deeply, blissfully and fulfillingly in love with the man I have met, and we intend to marry. My ex- HAS found a new partner (inspite of initial fears to the contrary) and we are all pursuing our own lives more happily than before. There have been "negatives" (I use the term advisedly.... who's to say what is 'Good'? Who's to say what is 'Bad'?) but in time, these too will be resolved. Given the evidence so far, I am convinced of this.
Never stop searching within for what you know is Right. And conduct yourself with Compassion and Dignity. And above all, be TRUE to yourself. Or no-one else will.
It is a commonly-held view that a Catholic can sin, go to Confession, receive a penance and get Absolution, as if it were some sort of mechanical, penny-in-the-slot action. If this is how young Catholics are being taught, it is worse than poor, it is wicked! Those of us who have received the Sacrament of Reconciliation in the form of confession willremember that we are invited to make a "good act of contrition". The sacrament depends as much on the penitent's "firm purpose of amendment" as on any words spoken by a priest.
In this way, for me, it resembles the way in which we, as Buddhists, need to recognise our own responsibility for our actions. It is not a backward-looking action but a determination for the future. The purpose of the sacrament is to bring to mind the compassion that permits us to move forward rather than remaining stuck in self-disgust and recrimination.
Both Jesus and the Buddha teach that we, as humans, are not trapped by our past actions but that we can move into a new future. In all the discussion about karma, it is vital that we avoid the mechanistic, pre-Buddhist view. The Buddha, in turning the wheel of Dharma, taught that there is a way out of the suffering that we collect through our own actions. The Christ taught the same, if in different words from a different cultural context.
Excellent point, Simon.
I have known many Christians that believe just by having someone else "forgive" them - everything is good to go.
It's my belief that is there isn't a strong sense of "realizing" what you've done wrong in regards to Christian dogma and an act of reconciliation or restitution - you haven't been forgiven for squat.
If you're Christian - "man" doesn't forgive you. Forgiveness is a divine power. If you think by saying a couple of "Hail Marys" you've cheated the system - I would think you're sadly mistaken.
-bf
This really is an excellent post.
Whether someone has had an affair, or stole, or cheated, or talked unfavorably about another person, or didn't treat someone else right, or was short or angry with another person, or judgemental, etc. - these are all things that we deal with on a daily basis.
I've heard some people say that being a Buddhist is "a lazy man's religion". And, as with all religions - they are probably right. It's just how important your religious teachings are to you and how you act upon them.
I know that even today, I have spoken about someone that did not have Right Intent. I was saying nothing positive about this person. I try to reflect on these things at the end of the day when I meditate. I try to change what I do. It's difficult when you're hanging out with your buddies all talking about someone you don't like - and it's easy to get caught up in it. But I need to stop doing things like this. That what "I" did today.
It seems to me that following a belief and practicing it in real life are two very different things. At least for me.
I know that when someone does something wrong to me or I have to deal with a person (who I really believe is a bad person) - I get a sense of righteous offense. I have done nothing to this person and I have every right to be upset and angry with this person for doing what they did. But, is that really what I should be doing?
You made the example of having an affair - whether you did specifically or not doesn't matter. It's a good example for this subject. And, with the teachings of Buddha - if a person was involved in an extramarital affair and wanted to do "what is best" by Buddha's teachings - there are many, many things to be considered. For example...
I read a story of a person who was talking about the Bible's "Thou shalt not lie" and Buddha "Right Intention". His story went so...
It's the middle of World War II and there is a German family, like many German families, that had friends they knew that were Jewish. Let's say that one of these good, Christian German families did not agree with what was happening to Jews and hid some Jews in their attic.
Soon there is a knock on the door and it's the Gestapo who ask, "Do you have any Jews in your attic?"
For all intents and purposes, if you're a good Christian following the 10 Commandments, you have to say, "Yes, I have Jews in the attic" because to do otherwise would be breaking a commandment.
With Buddhism and "Right Intention" lying doesn't come into play because it's doing what has "right" or "best intention. To tell the truth would asuredly doom these Jews to a nightmare and most likely their doom. Right Intention would tell us to say, "No, I don't have any Jews in the attic."
Where am I going with this? Well, in regards to an affair, you have to take everything into consideration. You can do what is right by evaluating what you, first and foremost, need to do as a person. To live with someone that you don't love, bring anger to, the dislike, the dissention,the loss of peace, etc. to - is that right?
If you have realized that the affair was not what was best for you and you still love and wish to be with the person you are with - is telling them or confessing to the partner of the person you had the affair with - is that the best course? Bringing pain and confusion to other people? It might be - depending on what type of person they are. It might tell them what you have been lacking and need in the relationship - or - it might crush them.
I remember I had a friend, who was Catholic, and had an extramarital affair. He later found out that the person he was having an affair with - was sexually active with a couple of other guys. He was devastated. He had been prepared to throw his marriage away for this person. The guy was riddled with hurt and anger and suffering and guilt - it was wearing him down.
He told me that after he found out what this other woman was doing - he steeled himself to the fact that he had been an idiot and wanted to keep his marriage. But... should he tell his wife?
He went to his local priest in his parrish and asked him if he should tell his wife. The priest - whether right or wrong - told him "NO!". I don't know if this was a renegade priest or what - but he said that by telling his wife would only bring about doubt, pain, suffering, anger, hurt, etc. What my friend needed to do was resolve himself to his marriage, his wife and his family.
My friend never told his wife - and I believe that was the best thing to do.
So ... my point? I don't know if I have one. I just thought I would ramble for awhile. I do hope that there is something here that you find informative though...
-bf
i)Regret
ii)Determination
iii0Remedial
and something else I forgot...
But basically as long as you regret that acion, you are determined to never do it again, and you do something to make up for it, like reading a sutra or something... Then that "bad" karma will be erased.
Nothin' about 'reading'.... plenty about 'doing'....
And as Oprah (Great 20th century mega-sage and all-powerful media star) once said:
" 'Trying' isn't 'Doing' "
Quite.