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Expectations and the sliding scale of happiness
I had a minor disappointment last night and I was reminded how even in the smallest things we sometimes have high/unrealistic expectations. I thought about how had I expected nothing, I would have only been pleased with the outcome.
In my mind, it seems that if you expect a Zero, and get a 2 or 3, you still have the potential to be happy. If you were expecting a 7 and only get that 2 or 3, you will be unhappy.
But this lead me to think about other, more grand disappointments - like losing your job, or getting into a car wreck. These things are merely less than you had hoped for, they are entirely unwanted. And while they are still instruments of Buddha teaching, they still can cause suffering. In these situations, even expecting a 0 would not have eliminated the unhappiness. You would have to lower your expectations even further - to perhaps a -10, to not have been unhappy about it.
That said, if you always expect the worst, then you should always be happy, right? Except that whenever I 'expect the worst' - I normally get it. (The universe giving me what I 'wanted'?)
So, how do you have low expectations, but manage to keep from 'inviting' negative events and other pessimistic thoughts/habits?
In my mind, it seems that if you expect a Zero, and get a 2 or 3, you still have the potential to be happy. If you were expecting a 7 and only get that 2 or 3, you will be unhappy.
But this lead me to think about other, more grand disappointments - like losing your job, or getting into a car wreck. These things are merely less than you had hoped for, they are entirely unwanted. And while they are still instruments of Buddha teaching, they still can cause suffering. In these situations, even expecting a 0 would not have eliminated the unhappiness. You would have to lower your expectations even further - to perhaps a -10, to not have been unhappy about it.
That said, if you always expect the worst, then you should always be happy, right? Except that whenever I 'expect the worst' - I normally get it. (The universe giving me what I 'wanted'?)
So, how do you have low expectations, but manage to keep from 'inviting' negative events and other pessimistic thoughts/habits?
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Comments
Hi,
I think you raise some really interesting points here.
Dukka is sometimes described as having as a component "failed expectations." For sure having delusionally high expectations is bound to lead to Dukka but I dont know what "aiming low" would equate to in Dharmic terms.
It doesn't seem like it goes with Right Intention, in my view.
Maybe expect a five, its the middle way, after all:)
Peace,
Mat
No, that is the incorrect way of thinking. Please adjust your thinking so that now, instead of -10 to +10 with 0 being median you have 0 to 10 with five being median. Thank you for your compliance in this matter. By the way, I am only joking:)
Joking or not, there's probably some wisdom in what you said. Though, it's more likely that I should not be placing a value on any event at all (like previously mentioned). Accepting and being are ones that I struggle with. I wish sometimes that everything (even changing your mind) didn't have to be such a struggle.
Rather than try to manage expectations and disappointment, I think the best thing to do is to observe them very closely.
Oh, 'expectations' Never mind!:o