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teaching 101
Im having a little trouble with my girlfriend. Shes one of the many many many ppl in this world that dont really believe in anything (deep down) but claim to be part of a religion. (im guessing because shes still afraid of her social standing with her family and everything) and there seems to be no way of explaining to her, buddhism. She seems very narrow-minded when it comes to it, she just doesnt buy into anything unless its GOD AND JESUS and all that. just because thats what everyone here does. (west Texas) and i really want to somewhat enlighten her on everything. I just dont know where to start. I want to live a real happy life, not one she thinks we should live. Its all very cliche to her and it bothers me sometimes because im not trying to just be in a generic relationship with her. Im also speaking for my friends, a lot of them are really unhappy with their life and they think my doing these small things in life its going to make them happy (like buying weed and stuff) but really its only temporary happiness. And I just have a hard time explaining to them the true blessing of life. Sorry about the rant, i just discovered this forum this morning and im about to go to work and i just needed some advice to help some people : ) thank you
-Jeff
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-Jeff
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Good luck.
Do you buy into God and Jesus? Or just Buddhism? Have you asked about her religion and tried to understand her views? Why does your path have to be hers? Why are you focusing on her path and not yours?
You can't enlighten others. You're responsible for yourself. It sounds like you're trying to force things on her, even proselytize. Why not just share it with her, for the sake of it, rather than to convert her or have her agree with you? If she isn't interested, she isn't interested. If you're unhappy with that and can't live with it, then maybe you aren't right for each other. If you can instead turn the focus to yourself, and use this as an opportunity to practice Buddhism and let go of clinging, maybe you'll find that it isn't such a big deal. And if you can truly do this, if you can show her Buddhism, then perhaps she'll take more of a natural interest in it.
You sound so overly concerned with others' supposed unhappiness (have they expressed this, or are you just certain that everyone is extremely unhappy in their life and NEEDS Buddhadhamma?) that you're only actually creating dukkha for yourself.
There are different kinds of happiness. There is the happiness the Buddha sought which is unconditioned, where there is just pure peace of mind. There is also mundane happiness, which is happiness, but it is conditioned and characterized by dukkha. The Buddha understood that many people are content in their lives, and did not require his supramundane teachings.
What, by the way, is the "true blessing of life"?
You're right, im just trying to help her be happy, idk, true happiness I suppose. Im not really good at saying whats on my mind. I know I'm a little clingy and im not trying to press buddhism down on them, just tryin to give them a better understanding of life, so they can enjoy it. And stop experiencing so much disappointment and other things. Idk, ill just let it flow naturally i suppose. And sometimes i think we cant be together because of this. She might view my simple life as boring or lame. Thats what gets to me, i love her.
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"People chose different paths in their search for spirituality and happiness. Just because they are not on the path you are on, don't assume they have lost their way".
Les
Beautiful quote. I think Buddhists may even feel that way about fellow Buddhists and does it ever appear to piss them off. Thanks for that.
Like I said - 'Show', don't 'tell'.
(There's the magic word.... 'clingy'...!) You may think that you're trying to give them a 'better understanding of Life'...but who's to say that they don't believe they've got it already? You're doing what so many people resent Jehovah's Witnesses/Baptists/Mormons for doing: Trying to convice people that there is a better way, and that it's their way.
You have to ease off completely....
It's a bit like a huge gloop of hand cream.
If you have it in the palm of your hand, and you insist on grasping it tightly - or clinging to it too strongly - it will squidge out through all the gaps, and escape, leaving you holding nothing.
If you cradle it in the palm of your hand, and let it be....guess what? it stays there.....
There are plenty of people who are Buddhist, who share their lives with non-Buddhists. I am one. The secret is exactly as Les describes, via his quotation from HH The Dalai Lama....
You love her - but you cling.
Read up on the Four Noble Truths, particularly number 2....
Through your Wrong Effort, this is the Difficulty you are creating for yourself......
be well.
With Metta.
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