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Love and Attachment

starfishhstarfishh
edited February 2010 in Buddhism Basics
Hii, I'm new to the site =)
I'm 17 years old and I've been interested in Buddhism since my class studied it last year..

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but I have to ask..

I understand from researching that attachment is bad and causes suffering- but does that mean we should only avoid attachment to material objects, or should we also avoid getting attached to people? Should we avoid relationships? I think it would be pretty hard to date someone without getting attached to them...:hrm:

Comments

  • PietroPumokinPietroPumokin
    edited February 2010
    attachment in buddhism generally means that in your relationships to inanimate and animate things, there is infused with them a degree of dependency, destructive desire, stress, among other things. the relationships themselves are not harmful, but only when that clinging element is added to them. OM!!!!
  • StarbreezeStarbreeze
    edited February 2010
    Maybe I am in no place to offer an answer (I'm still very new to Buddhism), but I seem to understand that the idea of not becoming "attached" to someone is to essentially be willing to give everything and expecting nothing back. Not easy to achieve, but it is my understanding nonetheless.

    (please correct me if my understanding is incorrect or lacking in some way!)
  • skydancerskydancer Veteran
    edited February 2010
    starfishh wrote: »
    Hii, I'm new to the site =)
    I'm 17 years old and I've been interested in Buddhism since my class studied it last year..

    Sorry if this is a stupid question, but I have to ask..

    I understand from researching that attachment is bad and causes suffering- but does that mean we should only avoid attachment to material objects, or should we also avoid getting attached to people? Should we avoid relationships? I think it would be pretty hard to date someone without getting attached to them...:hrm:
    Love in Buddhism is the wish for another being to be happy. Most of what we call 'romantic love' is attachment.

    Usually when we love someone we have both present. We love and we have attachment for people we're close to.

    Rather than think we can avoid becoming attached to people and things it may be more skillful to wake up to our attachments and work with them with kind regard.
  • BrotherBobBrotherBob
    edited February 2010
    I imagine intimate relations as like a dance. We move toward each other, embrace for a few moments and move away to dance alone. These things are filled with a kind of sad/joy. The joy of the tender connection with the exquisite other, the object of our desire, and the sadness of their eventual leaving.

    I imagine the trick is to gently touch the other with an open hand, and, especially an open heart, resisting the urge to grasp and squeeze that which we can't possibly hold for very long.

    I imagine this as non-attachment. I have some very wise friends who have the following hanging on the wall of their living/working space:
    Happy To, Happy Not To

    I really appreciate those words.

    :):):)
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