ego

questionful

i know this question might not make sense, because I am not very advanced in my learning and practice. but i would appreciate thoughts on it.

what do i do with my ego until it's gone? i'm 17. i don't want to become a monk yet. i have not been able to let go of ego and it seems a long way away. I've noticed some kinda gay behavior from my friends (and even myself even though I'm not gay) that I think may be partly due to an effort on my part to be kind and caring to others. I am definitely less disrespectful than I used to be, but i am having trouble being helpful to others. i've heard i should intend to benefit others. what is the best way of benefiting others when I'm hanging out with friends?
In the past week or so that i've been off house arrest and started hanging out with friends again, i remember noticing the correctness of avoiding idle speech. and also trying to think if an action would be harmful ahead of time. it's difficult though because my friends and I smoke when we hang out, and marijuana can make it difficult to remain mindful.

Nios

Hi Questionful,

Yes that is a bit confusing...
First why do you link kind and caring behaviour with gay behaviour? Strange.
Secondly, ego is the hardest thing to get rid of and takes many many years of practice.
There's an saying; "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"
It's good that you've noticed the negative effect of marijuana has on your mindfulness. Why not try to give it up?

Nios.

BrotherBob

i imagine that as you deepen practice you'll notice how different you're becoming from old friends, who are still stuck on stupid.

as tough as it is, please consider finding new friends.

the kindest thing we may do for anyone is to simply offer them our quiet attention - listen to them. also, demonstrating the courage to wake-up and do the right thing is very helpful. this includes letting-go of things like pot. as you already know, when you quit smoking, most of those 'friends' who do will disappear.

if you consciously make an effort to make and cultivate new more ethical friendships it'll be a much easier transition for you.

the bottom line is you've gotta choose what kind of future life you want. you apparently already have a really good idea where the path you've been on will lead.

what's it got you already? what's it likely to bring you in the future?

how fun is juvie, house arrest, the sideways looks and underhanded giggles of other kids, the reputation, the avoidance, the lack of trust your parents and others have of you - and it'll get much worse.

so how far do you have to sink before you've had enough pain and suffering to turn a shitty life around.

hey, it's up to you! :rolleyes:

Palzang

As Brother Bob pointed out, you really need to change your lifestyle in order to be able to change yourself. Of course, change is never easy. In fact, it's one of the most difficult things we can do. Therefore I would suggest taking it a little bit at a time. Find a new friend or two you can hang with without engaging in negative behaviors, such as smoking pot. You might also find some activity that will help develop compassion and caring in you, like volunteering at an old folks home once a week or once a month, helping to tutor young kids, helping at a soup kitchen, anything like that. Be creative. Like one of our khenpos said, if you can't be generous to anyone, then have your left hand give your right money! Start wherever you need to start, but do start. It takes time, as Nios said. Best to start now when you're young and more flexible. As you go on, your old friends and your old life will seem less and less attractive and you'll move away. But then you would anyway. It's all impermanent!

Palzang