HELP ME!!!

DJ_DICE

I just found out that my daughter is a cutter and has been for awhile, I just am very upset about all this and want to do what I can to help her get through this, any information anyone can give me would be more than thankful. I found this out Thursday night, she has been to the Dr. and is anti-depression medicine, I just need to know all I can about this.

Thank You

federica

Be mindful of the 4 Noble Truths.
be Mindful of Compassion.
Sit with her and tell her that whatever she feels she wants to say, you will listen, and try to understand.
Sometimes, parents can do nothing, and neither can they say anything to construct or effect a remedy.
She needs perhaps to talk to kids of her own age.
Maybe you can try to get her to talk to her friends, or find an association where the young reach out and help the young.
Grown-ups can't always fix things.
Sometimes, grown-ups are the reason in the first place.....
Be wary, and be led by what she needs, not by what you think she needs.

BrotherBob

Please start by getting professional advice and help and find a support group for cutters and families of cutters. Given that I'm not either of these, I imagine she may be trying to mask some kind of pain by triggering glandular pain relief. She may need to find a safe way to express her pain - to tell her story to somebody who she trusts. This may or may not be you. Also, she may not be ready to do that either. Telling her how much it hurts you, probably won't help and may make it worse.

I imagine you may best express your concern and love by simply being with her, wherever she is at present, and letting her know by your calm actions and deep non-judgmental listen that you will not abandon her.

Valtiel

The most important thing you can do is talk to her and just listen, and show her you truly care without judging. If she can't talk to you, show her your support by helping her find someone she can talk to.

I used to cut when emotional suffering became too much to handle; it was a distraction and release because I had no other way of dealing with it. Your daughter may or may not be the same, but I figure it may help you understand where she's coming from... but the best way to know is to talk to her.

Is your doctor or your daughter against antidepressants? They may or may not be beneficial, it really depends on each case. Just make sure you and your daughter are fully informed of the potential side effects. A family doctor can prescribe them, but in cases like this especially, it's important to go to a psychiatrist instead.

Just start by talking to her, and getting her into counselling.

not1not2

As a fellow parent of a cutter, you obviously have need for concern, but not necessarily to panic. Adolescence can be a very rough time and for some, cutting is an outlet that they find helpful. Also, not all cutting is created equal. For example, somebody who cuts and makes it obvious that they cut is different from someone who cuts secretively where nobody can see it. I would say that while both are serious, the latter is moreso as it indicates a desire to remain disconnected from others in combination with whatever distress they are experiencing.

Also, for some, masochistic behaviors can provide them with a mental focus and clarity. The physical sensation can be a sort of grounding practice. In that case, you might be able to suggest rubber bands around the wrist. Snapping a rubber band causes less chance for infection and less scarring and can provide enough sting for that focus.

A bit more general advice is to not overreact to the situation. If you do this, they won't trust you with the information. If you're calm, loving, supportive and non-judgemental, this increases their chances of confiding in you when they're having a rough time. A lot of the time, the kids are just lost and don't know what to do with themselves. Also, don't tell her 'this is just a phase' (even if it is) or something similar as it has the effect of communicating that you don't consider her emotions as real or valid. It also connotes a level of disrespect towards them as a person. Try not to regard her as broken either. That also tends to invalidate their feelings.

Anyway, I think you've made the correct first steps in taking her to see a doctor. Don't be afraid of getting 2nd, 3rd or 4th opinions. Not all doctors are created equal and their is such thing as patient-doctor chemistry. In other words, even good doctors may not work well with certain types of people or conditions. Same goes for meds. Tread with caution and keep in mind that it can take a while to find the right diagnosis and combination of treatments before you find something that really works for you.

Beyond that, I'd say Brother Bob and Fede had some sound advice and good luck with all this. Also, I might take a bit in getting back to you, but feel free to ask me any questions via private message you want to.

Take care
_/\_

DhammaDhatu

dear friend

there is emotional pain building under the skin, in the nervous system, that your daughter cannot release and does not know how to release

i found a helpful article at this link

the link states:

Often they have been victims of physical or sexual abuse. However, Carlson said, parents should note that there are many other reasons that a teen may begin cutting.

When parents do learn that their children are cutting, Carlson said, it is important that they approach them lovingly.

“The best thing to start it off is not to condemn them for it,” she said.

“They are already condemning themselves. They are not happy that they are a cutter.”

She suggests that parents have an open conversation with their teen and seek out a professional counselor who has experience working with cutters. Therapy is important because the teen needs to learn better ways to deal with stress and emotional hurts.

I found many articles to read at this link

this is a time to be very gentle but honest about your love and her pain

listening is needed

something is hurting alot inside of your daughter

learn all you can

alot of wise experiential advice has been posted above

may all move towards wellness

kind wishes

ddhatu

DJ_DICE

Thank you all for your help. What makes all this so hard from me is that I just got reunited with her after 10 LONG years (ex-wife married military and have been in Okinawa, Japan) She has been in and out of treatment for the past 5 months.

DhammaDhatu

DJ

Well. You could be something your daughter needs.

Your daughter has been away. There is alot there to be learned and hopefully shared.

Take things slowly & gently. Be present and let her unfold towards you.

Kind wishes

DDhatu