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Expectation Conformity
Greetings,
For a while now I've been holding on to the recognition of a strong inclination I have to satisfy or conform to the expectations I perceive are being placed on me by factors such as family, friends and society in general - I'm thinking it's an attachment to traditions and superstitions issue.
It's like I'm afraid to step on any toes by contravening these expecations I feel are being made of me so I sort of slither between the obstacles created by these perceived demands, it feels as though I have to be or act a certain way to avoid some sort of consequences and I feel this is suffocating a part of me that wants to be set free.
I would like to be less conscious/fearful of rocking the boat and more confident to speak my mind and not just say what will keep the peace.
Can anyone relate to this?
Does anyone see anything in this situation they could be of assistance with?
Thanks in advance.
Peace.
For a while now I've been holding on to the recognition of a strong inclination I have to satisfy or conform to the expectations I perceive are being placed on me by factors such as family, friends and society in general - I'm thinking it's an attachment to traditions and superstitions issue.
It's like I'm afraid to step on any toes by contravening these expecations I feel are being made of me so I sort of slither between the obstacles created by these perceived demands, it feels as though I have to be or act a certain way to avoid some sort of consequences and I feel this is suffocating a part of me that wants to be set free.
I would like to be less conscious/fearful of rocking the boat and more confident to speak my mind and not just say what will keep the peace.
Can anyone relate to this?
Does anyone see anything in this situation they could be of assistance with?
Thanks in advance.
Peace.
0
Comments
I should imagine every person on the planet can realte to these kind of demands. Are they really demands though? Is it not you filling the expectations of other people's projections, If you do something "out of character" people are confused or shocked. The thing is you don't really have a character as such, human beings are, like the universe, always in flux and constantly changing according to emotion and feeling. Why do you feel you should comply with demands others place on you? Nuture Mindfullness and treat each situation 'as it is' don't fall into the trap of others expectations, Do what is right at the moment, become spontaneious and free flowing, who knows you may find yourself and become aware of your true nature.
I think there is a variety, I haven't broken them all down and I'm using this as a tool to possibly do such a thing.
I think the gist of this stems from a perceived need to react to or be impressed/influenced by certain things in certain ways i.e. if I don't see things the way the majority do I keep it to myself and feign agreement with or act out the common reaction/impression/influence and by doing this, as I said, makes it seem as though a part of me is being suffocated.
I think the wanting to fit in and belong to groups earlier in my life has a lot to do with this, sort of always playing by the unwritten laws of the heard and keeping any thinking I did/opinions I had to myself in fear of ridicule or being ostricized.
Is this common for someone who leaves the pack and takes to the contemplative life?
It is fulfilling other peoples projections; overcoming this is what I'm trying to work on.
Desperately trying to maintain a uniform self-identity for all the years I thought "I" was this self-identity has definately left a big impression.
I would like to become spontaneous and free flowing but I'm having a hard time understanding how you would relate to people and how they would relate to you if you weren't uniform/consistant or repeating certain patterns of behaviour.
I'm becoming more conscious of myself but I have a lot of doubt about it and it's oppinions/wisdom/understanding - at the moment it feels safer going along with my long developed habitual behaviour.
Thanks for your replies guys -
Peace.
Great difficulty can arise when we conform to expectations either because we want to be accepted and approved, or because we want to avoid the "cost" of not conforming (these are the "benefits" of meeting expectations).
It all comes down to this ... what we DO is what we MOST want. It may not be what we want 100% ... it may be only what we want 50.5%. But what we actually DO is what "the majority of us" wants. Often, this choice has been made on an unconscious level so it feels like external pressure.
If this choice is causing too much discomfort, then you need to re-examine the "benefits" this choice is giving you, and compare that with the "costs". The solution lies in some combination of accepting one's own choices, and in changing the choices themselves.
No matter what we do in life there is always a cost of some sort, even when it's not obviously apparent. We have no trouble accepting the "benefits", but it is more difficult to accept the "costs" ... life becomes much easier once we can understand and accept the costs of the benefits we choose.
Once you learn how to act out of conscious & accepted choice, you will find that quality of freedom you are yearning for, and it will come from what's going on inside you. It's not the conformity itself that is cramping your style ... it's that you don't feel you have choice, when in truth, it's just that you haven't yet learned to "own" your choice.
A Great Truth, from Billy Joel of all people ... "You pay for your satisfaction somewhere down the line..." Yup. Costs and benefits and choices.