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Telling a White Lie ...
Ok, so here's an issue that has been worrying me more & more lately.
Buddhist are not supposed to lie, and I don't in general, even before becoming a Buddhist. Actually lying was something I never liked.
Still, on occasion I will slip a white lie (which I think is harmless) and sometimes I might do it just because I think (in a also harmless way) it may be best/easier for everyone. By that I mean, should I not tell it, nothing would happen (it's just about little things, not deceiving-like).
The thing is I can't say I like it @ all, and what annoys me is I feel like I get stuck in my mind & still feel (as harmless and insignificant as it can be) I am dishonest with people in those moments & of course Buddhist aren't supposed to lie. I guess I do it, cuz otherwise I feel a bit like an outsider in the group of people around me.
THANKS for your input!!
Buddhist are not supposed to lie, and I don't in general, even before becoming a Buddhist. Actually lying was something I never liked.
Still, on occasion I will slip a white lie (which I think is harmless) and sometimes I might do it just because I think (in a also harmless way) it may be best/easier for everyone. By that I mean, should I not tell it, nothing would happen (it's just about little things, not deceiving-like).
The thing is I can't say I like it @ all, and what annoys me is I feel like I get stuck in my mind & still feel (as harmless and insignificant as it can be) I am dishonest with people in those moments & of course Buddhist aren't supposed to lie. I guess I do it, cuz otherwise I feel a bit like an outsider in the group of people around me.
THANKS for your input!!
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Comments
Can you give an example?
Thanks again!
Sometimes when we lie to other people it makes us feel a bit better, and in that sense it's like lying to ourselves, because we are not addressing the real issue, which in this case would be how we relate to our age and, in a broader manner, how we relate to our "short-comings", and in an even broader manner, how we relate to the uncomfortable things in life.
I think the important thing is to look into it, why you lied, why does it make you feel better, is it becoming a habit, how do you get around that sense of not fitting in without needing to tell lies, this sort of stuff.
Don't feel guilty about lying, but do try to work with the material underneath it. :-)
I am bit (pleasantly) surprised with this answer :-)
You mean to say I am not a "lesser person" for it, as long as I figure out the "underlying reasons" as to why I do it? I feel like a confident person, but I also just want to fit it, and I definitely don't want to get stuck in a string-of-lies. Naive as it sounds I don't mean any harm and just dislike being judged by something other than myself. Am I not failing as a Buddhist?
Won't others be insulted though?
Me too, I am usually nastier. lol
What I mean by not feeling guilty is not that it is good\bad to tell while lies.
You see, when you tell a white lie you are actually doing it to get rid of some discomfort. Soon, you will end up with the idea that lying gives you some kind of comfort, and it can escalate into bigger ones, because you start clinging to the sense of safety or acceptance you get from lies.
It's like being on a diet and "cheat" by eating chocolate cake: you know it's not appropriate at that time, but that cake gives you such a big sense of being grounded that you just keep doing it.
You shouldn't feel guilty because it doesn't help. What helps is to learn to accept ourselves for who we are, accept the discomfort that we are bound to get sooner or later with an open mind and have the knowledge that it too will pass.
On the meantime, if you have to tell a lie do it mindfully. :-)
More importantly looking at the reasons for discomfort as you call it will be even more important.
I do accept myself, but sometimes fear that the "forces" around us, from simple etiquette to regular values can sometimes be make things more difficult when they can be quite simple instead.
All the best!
Telephone solicitation for a monetary contribution to a political party that has identified me as a supporter (correctly or incorrectly, doesn't matter).
When they call asking for money, I tell them I can't donate because I've just lost my job - which I haven't, but it's far easier than trying to weasel out from under their 'response to every answer' script. Nobody is harmed here, right?
Mtns
Nobody is harmed, and nobody is lied to.
My advice to you is to not bother lying about this. If someone is going to judge you negatively about your age then they are not worth getting to know. I judge people by their actions and character, not by their birth date.
Having said that, white lies in general are acceptable in my book as long as the truth would be painful and unconstructive. There's no sense in telling your grandma that you hated the sweater she knitted you. Just smile, thank her and donate it to Goodwill
Lying is not inherently wrong. Intentions are key (as previously stated). Lying to preserve someones feelings/esteem, seem to have noble intentions...where no more than petty opinions are at stake.
It seems your example reveals an insecurity, therefore your intention seems to be in the order of mild deceit. Meditate on the source of this insecurity; find out what you seem to be unwholesomely clinging to and rid yourself of it.
Admittedly, easier said than done!
Intentions are key (and well meant), but also indeed it reveal insecurity... I guess of being judged, perhaps even peer-pressure. Regardless, I think the meditation idea is one to absolutely consider.
Thanks so much !!