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Hello everyone , i am new to buddhism. I attend tai chi and yoga sessions at my local gym and my instructer and i have had a few discussions about buddhism and he kindly lent me a few books and i have since bought several of my own . I dont know what the next step is for me i have taken a keen interest in buddhism and would like to adopt the practices into my way of life , unfortunatly there are no centres or schools that teach the practices in my area .
Also i have always been a firm believer in karma and always treat others as i would like to be treated . And would go out of my way to help anyone but unfortunatly several people including family and work colleuges take advantage of my good nature and my inability to stick up for myself and its getting to the point where its causing me unhappiness and i am dreading going to work or to social situations . I have read in my books that unhappiness is caused my suffering and i shouldnt blame others for my suffering as achieving inner peace with myself is the solution .... please share the thoughts on this as i feel i am falling at the first hurdle
Also i have always been a firm believer in karma and always treat others as i would like to be treated . And would go out of my way to help anyone but unfortunatly several people including family and work colleuges take advantage of my good nature and my inability to stick up for myself and its getting to the point where its causing me unhappiness and i am dreading going to work or to social situations . I have read in my books that unhappiness is caused my suffering and i shouldnt blame others for my suffering as achieving inner peace with myself is the solution .... please share the thoughts on this as i feel i am falling at the first hurdle
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Even if there were, it might not make a difference. The main thing is the teacher, not so much the center. Not all centers are run by qualified people and it usually takes more than one try to have someone that 'clicks' with you. Many people are lonely practitioners as well.
Buddha would like boundaries. :-)
No matter what you read in books, don't forget you common sense. If you are dreading common situations, a psychologist might be the best approach.
You have to be honest with yourself. If you hate someones guts you admit it: "I hate that asshole" and you work from that. If someone screws you over you admit it: "that f***** mother**** I could smash his face in", and you work from that.
The whole idea of suffering being your fault needs to be well examined. People ARE nasty and they can make you suffer. Sometimes it is not ok to take crap from them. You have to understand this:
Chocolate Cake. Nameless River: I love it, I eat one everyday. littlelegs: I hate it, I like carrot cake.
The cake is the same, the reaction is different. What makes me love it in such an absurd way might as well be something outside the cake; what makes you hate it too. It's on that part, the tablespoon of deliciousness I added with my mind, and the tablespoon of disgust you added with yours, that we need to work on.
The same thing happens to bad things in life. A punch in the face is a punch in the face. It WILL hurt, it WILL be unpleasant. There is no sense in trying to cover up the fact that it sucks. What you work with is how you relate to it. "Oh, you punched me now I will kill your family, even your dog" or "Now I punch you back" or some other reaction that is appropriated for the occasion.
There are lots of Buddhist centres around London although you might have to get a bus or tube to one. This is a worldwide search facility at Buddhanet and you can check centres for the different Buddhist traditions in your area, or around London in general. I have started it with Theravada, then you can try Mahayana and Vajrayana. I hope it will be of some help to you.
http://www.buddhanet.info/wbd/search.php?keyword=&search=Begin+Search&country_id=76&province_id=87&tradition%5B%5D=theravada
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
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It is true. When suffering occurs, generally it is caused by our own mind.
The Buddha taught (here) one is the protector of oneself; who else could the protector be?
The Buddha taught (here) there are true friends and false friends. One characteristic of a false friend is they give little and ask much; they associate for their own advantage.
The Buddha taught (here) non-harming is the foundation of the spiritual life and one should not perform an action if it harms oneself, harms another or harms both oneself and another.
The Buddha taught (here) one to not neglect one's own welfare for the sake of another, however great. Only when clearly understanding one's own welfare, then one can do good.
The Buddha taught honest communication is the foundation of family life or any social relationship.
In the modern workplace, unambiguous communciation is very important because there is so much diversity of people in a work place, often with ambitious people seeking their own objectives and often with people with different opinions about how to do things.
If we have anxiety in the workplace, it is generally due to our undeveloped communication and social skills.
For example, during the first phase of my worklife, I always had jobs where I was in control. But during my second phase, when I started to work for larger organisations in an office with many staff, I intially had some problems communicating. This was mostly due to being uncomfortable with others who wish to do things in a different way than me, especially those who were senior to me or had a certain qualification.
Now in an office environment, there are usually small quiet meeting rooms. So it came to be, when I anticipated disagreement was to arise, I learned to schedule a meeting with the other party in a confidential meeting room rather than have an open discussion in the busyness of the workplace.
It is part of our workplace development that we learn to voice our opinion about things, whatever it is, and discuss it. This is learning the skill of negotiation, which generally does not come naturally. It must be learned.
Even when people go to marriage counselling, they are taught to learn such skills.
Often, in good people, the sense of "I" is naturally not strong. So often, this is something that must be developed. Voicing one's own opinion as one's own opinion and listening to another's opinion as another's opinion.
Here, we must learn to start with using the word "I" and avoid starting with using the word "you".
We start with "I disagree with your view because...."
But as I said, the workplace can be difficult and often we must use whatever is available to us, such as the boss, the trade union, whatever. It depends on where we work.
Also, in a workplace, if inappropriate behaviour occurs towards us, we should write a detailed account of it in a diary or on our computer.
For example, recently, I lost a great manager and had a former collegue of mine become my manager. Now, myself and this guy could not agree on anything (unlike my former manager, who was also his manager). We would go to the old manager as a referee, who would always side with me.
But then the old manager left our office and I could not work with this new manager so I contacted the manager above him, then the manager above him to resolve it. In short, I was given a new manager, with whom I worked superbly with.
So again, these things we must learn. In a respectful but straightforward way, each of us must learn to express what we believe, without fear.
Importantly, we must learn to say "no". The Buddha advised if something harms us, it is best we refrain from doing that action. Thus, on certain occassions, we must learn to say "no" to others.
Generally, when something harms us it also harms another. For example, with my bad manager, there were things they said and did that, if I decided to pursue it, could have resulted in their losing their job or receiving a reprimand.
The Buddha said (here) right action protects both oneself & others.
Kind regards
DDhatu
Kind wishes,
D.
.
A warm welcome, littlelegs. May it all be good.
Yes, there is London Buddhist Society in Victoria (different denominations are represented including Rinzai Zen), a Thai Theravadan temple at Wimbledown and a little way out Cittaviveka at West Sussex, and Amaravati in Hemel Hempstead.