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ADHD / Low Self Esteem / Dyspraxia
I was just wondering about peoples experiences of Mental Health issues. I may have ADHD, the biggest problems being lack of concentration, poor listening, bad memory, and lack of motivation (which becomes a problem when meditating)
I feel that I am rubbish at most things and I have real trouble with simple things like making decisions and doing housework. I possibly have Dyspraxia (poor hand and eye coordination) and it will often take me 45 minutes to the washing up, and a normal person can do it in 15 minutes. I am so disorganised.
I often find I end up spending lots of time doing certain things that I know I am really good at. I am a world class internet DJ, I will spend several hours a day, listening to my work as it reminds me that I am good at something. I also spend a lot of time playing certain video games as on a few games I am in the top 100 out of 20 thousand, and on one game even half a million. Is it ok to keep endulging in things that you know you are good at, to stop yourself feeling bad about yourself.
Do any Buddhists have any experiences of overcoming ADHD, Dyspraxia or Low Self Esteem?
I feel that I am rubbish at most things and I have real trouble with simple things like making decisions and doing housework. I possibly have Dyspraxia (poor hand and eye coordination) and it will often take me 45 minutes to the washing up, and a normal person can do it in 15 minutes. I am so disorganised.
I often find I end up spending lots of time doing certain things that I know I am really good at. I am a world class internet DJ, I will spend several hours a day, listening to my work as it reminds me that I am good at something. I also spend a lot of time playing certain video games as on a few games I am in the top 100 out of 20 thousand, and on one game even half a million. Is it ok to keep endulging in things that you know you are good at, to stop yourself feeling bad about yourself.
Do any Buddhists have any experiences of overcoming ADHD, Dyspraxia or Low Self Esteem?
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Comments
Hi sm
I think I have ADHD too. I have been for some psyciaatry (I have another session tomorrow, in fact).
I have the same symptoms as you, except for the lack of motivation. One thing that the doc said was that it is not ADHD unless it can be traced back to childhood (Tomorrow I have a letter to take from my parents about my abilities as a child etc).
I would certainly go seek some professional help with this. One thing I find that can bring my mind ar rest for work, writing, meditation etc is chanting the diamoku, so you might wan to give that a go.
I dont see that that is good for your situation, it might even be a cause of. I would look into that as well.
If your concentration/focus issues are anything like mine I would imagine they are different to self esteem issues so maybe you can look to dividing those issues in your life and head and addressing each seperatly.
I am sure Dharma can help with self esteem. I am not sure about ADHD:)
Good luck and well wishes,
Mat
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As long as there is Buddha-dhamma in this world... there will always be kind and generous people lending a sympathetic ear to your troubles, listening to you with compassion, and giving comfort and encouragement. In this forum, you will find such friends... so keep in touch and let us know how things go from here.
In addition to the advice already given in this thread, you should IMHO seek professional help as soon as possible... otherwise, we will be guessing the physical or mental causes of your 'illness'... and this might prove harmful to you. I wish you a speedy recovery. Take care
With kind regards,
Sukhita
Justin
I sympathise with your difficulties and suggest you seek some professional diagnosis and help which involves non-drug strategies.
This website might be helpful for some information relating to dyspraxia. It's in the UK -and I don't know where you live -but it should still give you an idea of the kind of advice available for dyspraxia.
http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/services/ad_advice.php
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
.
Our son has ADHD, and has just recently been diagnosed with (mild)Tourettes. He takes medication for the ADHD, and we strive to reduce the anxiety related to the symproms of Tourettes. The upshot here is that the developmental issues do not limit his capacity for Samadhi or the development of wisdom. He is already wiser than I. There is a skillful means to suit all. there is nothing preventing you from walking this path all the way.
Low Self Esteem and lack of motivation, are the ones I (partially) overcome.
Low Self Esteem- why do you regard yourself as an inferior person ? You might be different from the rest...No! You are different from the rest.
I had the same problem, I was practically mocked by my classmates, until I said to myself ( while meditating): " Who am I ? A slave like those friends? A cloned mentality , like others' ? Nope! I am myself. I am a king, a king that conquers everything !". Well, the thing is, that it sounds strange...but well, this is what went through my mind that time.
With the lack of motivation...you should think it this way : " If you hesitate, you die. If you refuse, you age.( <-- taken from anime series Bleach).". This is what keeps me motivated, the fear of "getting killed" ( although I don't die in reality if I fail).
P.S.: Those thing sound strange, but as I said, this is how they sounded and looked in my mind, at that time...
This is where I am right now. I had anxiety for quite a few years. I was a workaholic, very hard on myself, a perfectionist. Then I had a break where I went 5 days without sleep. Finally I got treatment for anxiety, including a psychiatrist. I'm much better these days, but I still have similar cycles. Play video games, stay up late, don't look hard enough for work (horrible job market here), feel guilty, spend the next 3 days looking for jobs constantly, feel bad for ignoring my wife, spend some time with her, relax, get stressed, video games, rinse, repeat...
That is what I don't understand. How can you sit hours playing video games if you have ADHD?
That's a common happening described with ADHD minds... they can sit and watch television or play video games for hours.
Never said I have ADHD. Just could understand all the other symptoms. Low self esteem, easily distracted, etc. Part of it in my case is that I can spin endlessly thinking about not playing them. Yes, you read that right.
That is actually really interesting. You can focus a lot on some things and not on others? Someone tried to tag me with that label but I didn't take the time to understand it.
You mean like "I shouldn't do this, I will resist it" and then you are back playing it?
that seemed to be the only thing i could focus on. quite common with add'ers from what i hear
If you can imagine the difference between watching a bunch of popcorn popping vs watching a pot boil. One has a continual stream of 'new', observable phenomena, vs the other, where the mind has to wait for an event to ripen.
There seems to be a difficulty in patience and continuity, rather than an inability to consistently observe... but the mental mechanizations are speculative, rather than proven.
Sort of. Typical cycle when things are going bad would be this.
- Play video games or keep checking and re-checking Facebook / message boards until 4am. My wife is mad at me and frustrated (although loving and understanding in the end).
- Wake up at 10am tired and filled with self-loathing vowing to ride my bike, pound the pavement (the job thing), learn new stuff for my career (software engineer) and get on with it.
- Decide to play "just one video game".
- 2 hours later I've become more and more angry with myself to the point where I'm filled with self-loathing. I should be biking, I should be reading a book, I should be writing (used to write short stories), I should be meditating, I haven't taken my medication for the day yet, I haven't taken a shower.
- Get up, start getting ready and get online. Surf for a while, get stuck for a couple more hours.
- More frustrated at myself, start Googling about medication, meditation (sites like this one I just stumbled upon) to see if there is something I can do that a previous psychiatrist hasn't thought of.
- About 3pm I finally take a shower and go about my day.
- Wife comes home around 7
- Work on my laptop while we watch TV, look for jobs, etc.
- She goes to bed, I feel like garbage and either sit up thinking about what to do and why I can't get a grip or play video games and forget it. About 40% of those nights you can sub in working on learning new skills / side projects.
- Wake up at 11 am, rinse, repeat.
So I probably play like 3 or 4 hours a day on the bad days. Spend a lot of time on the Internet hating myself and trying to find out if I'm alone and what to do. 3 out of 4 days of the week I manage to pop up at 8, get on my bike and have a fairly normal day. Sometimes I'll go a couple weeks like that. Then I will have an awful week where it's like that for 7 or 8 straight days.
I had a similar pattern: anger -> thinks up a lot of situations on how to get even\ how the other person is evil\etc -> anger -> thinks up some more situations -> anger -> so on.
Life is full of such annoying cycles. What eases our pain ends up causing more pain in the end.
As I see it there are 2 ways to break that chain of events. Either you get rid of the self-loathing or find a way to limit the internet and maybe get rid of the video games for a while. Doing it both ways would be better.
As for the self loathing you could develop loving kindness towards yourself and others (thinking about other people is very important to get us out of a rut, methinks). As for the video game just ask for someone to keep it in their house, and as for the internet I suppose you could just block websites like facebook and ask someone else to set a password you don't know.
For the gloogling about meditation and medication...you say you want to read a book right? So instead of googling about it, just get a physical book about those subjects and set your mind to read them when you feel like googling.
As for the biking, just make yourself just go there and sit on the bike. I'm not kidding. Just go and sit on it for 1 minute. You might not start biking right away, but it's a seed. Seeds are supposed to be small anyways.
I know it all sounds rather silly and not buddhist, but I just wanted to share my thoughts.
It can be really hard to feel effective when your routine changes, such as when you're looking for a new job. Don't beat yourself up! Cheer on your efforts, including the small ones.