Office Banter / Bullying

silentmusic

<HR style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #c0c0c0; COLOR: #c0c0c0" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->I work in a small office. There are just the 4 of us. In December I fell out with the other 3, and some people might say the way they are behaving is bullying.

Since then most days, I have been listening to my mp3 player to either drown out their negative conversations, or to help elimate any negative thoughts I might have.

I have been speaking to my manager about this, who is not the best person to try and sort this out. He suggests that I try and talk to them a bit more, and not wear my mp3 player 100% of the time.

This is all well a good, as someone who wants to try and embrace a Buddhist way of life, I do try to and practice loving kindness meditation towards them. However a lot of their conversations are about talking about other people behind their backs, laughing and tacking the micky out a person. I do not feel comfortable joining is this.

Do Buddhists moan about things? i.e. Bad situations that have happened to them, or the weather.

I ask this as I have Social Anxiety and find it difficult to relate to people and to think of suitable things to talk about. Should I just say to my manager I want to be a Buddhist and I don't want to engage in negagtive conversations.

Does any Buddhists have experiences of trying to get on with people they do not like?

Starbreeze

Yup. Maybe my situation isn't quite the same, but my roommate is probably one of the biggest pessimists on the face of the earth. So while it isn't bullying, it is certainly dealing with people who are difficult to deal with.

Not that I've found the best way (or necessarily a good way) to deal with it, but I find that I either avoid her or I am prepared to ignore and filter out all the negativity. I am generally in a good mood, and if I am not prepared to listen to her, hearing how terrible everything is from her can ruin that.

Sorry, I cannot offer a better way to deal with this.

And, yes, I think we all moan about things, but I (personally) believe that we need to focus on the positive things instead of dwelling on the negative.

Eric

All people who bully are people who are not happy themselves.They do these things to not think about their own missery/faults or shortcomings !!!
They must see something in you they envy !
I hope my spelling is all right.

I wish you all the best and don`t hate them,feel a bit sorry for them

Have a nice weekend;Eric.

jinzang

Look at it as an opportunity to practice patience and impartial love and compassion. The person who abuses you makes your egotistic tendencies blaze. All your unhappiness comes from your egotism and not from the other people. It's like a person who has a sickness and can't tolerate bright light. The problem is the sickness and not the bright light. The other people are serving as your spiritual teachers by showing you the faults of egotism and you should give them the respect you would give to a teacher.

Eric

For "normal" people like me (and maybe Silentmusic) THAT is very difficult.It has taken me YEARS not to hit a person like that,I don`t do that anymore (and only did it in very extreme situations) but it was very hard.Channeling your thoughts\emotions is one of the most difficult things to do.
I do understand what you mean.And you are right but it`s still very difficult.
All the best;Eric.

shadowleaver

A few times I had to deal with annoying individuals (but a better way to say that would be "individuals that caused annoyance in me"). I found that the key to making the situation more satisfactory is staying cool and motionless inside. I think that people who are provocative "feed" on your reaction to the provocations, be that anger, anxiety, embarrassment or fear. No reaction-- no fun for them. Once I even developed this little "method" of visualizing myself as a corpse being kicked and tossed about and the results were to my liking-- the person stopped making fun of me and we even developed a sort of mutual respect.

But it is inherently different to unhook yourself from your usual pattern of reactions to external stimuli. We're wired to do that and I'll admit that while I believe I've gotten better at it, I do sometimes succumb to people's negativity.

Floating_Abu

jinzang wrote: »

Look at it as an opportunity to practice patience and impartial love and compassion. The person who abuses you makes your egotistic tendencies blaze. All your unhappiness comes from your egotism and not from the other people. It's like a person who has a sickness and can't tolerate bright light. The problem is the sickness and not the bright light. The other people are serving as your spiritual teachers by showing you the faults of egotism and you should give them the respect you would give to a teacher.

_/\_

fivebells

Are you looking for a better job?

RayfieldNeel

I've experienced a lot of what you're talking about. My office seems to thrive on complaining and talking down people, and I am, without a doubt, the office "weirdo", being the only vegetarian in the midst of a bunch of country boys.

I try to subtly redirect conversations in a more positive direction. If this isn't going to happen, and they are determined to say bad things about other people, I move on to other things. My situation is a bit better than yours...it's an office and plant with about 45 people, so I can find kindred spirits if I search long enough. Difficult to do with a small, cliquey group.