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I am mad over craving
NamelessRiver
Veteran
OK this sucks. As far as attachment go I feel like a snake in a bamboo, either you throw the damn thing and move forward or you fall flat on your ass.
I was studying the other day and I was pissed (I am taking some tests that are like 'job interviews'). So I started saying to myself:"f*** this, you know what, I didn't graduate in order to be memorizing the best way to answer such and such question, I need to learn from practice, real life problems, and not from a stupid book full of stupid questions asking me what if John Doe's kid runs around with softdrinks on a store, falls flat on his ass and cuts his face, will the store be responsible for the damage or what if some old lady produces drugs in colombia and goes selling around the globe which country will be able to prosecute her".
Since I graduated I haven't touched a single actual lawsuit. I hate these f***** questions, not because they are not interesting but I am so over theory, theory, theory. :mad: On one hand I understand it will be really cool if I can assimilate all the information that is expected from me, on the other I hate the process because it seems so sterile ("here's the question, let's look at what this text says, hum, this is the answer"). There is not really much thought to it, its comparing texts with other texts. While I was on classes it was ok because, well, I was a student and I was also having actual practice. Now I feel like I should be working, and it's not happening, and I just had a major fit a couple days ago and haven't touched a single book since then.
Relating to the title of the thread the thing is, getting to the bottom of it, I found out 1) I have a huge load of information to absorb; 2) I HAVE to absorb it or else I might as well just throw my diploma in the trash; 3) I hate the process of absorbing it; 4) I really want the end result.
Somehow inside my stupid head there is this idea that it should be easier, it should be 'funner', it should be more interesting to learn about this and I can't lie to myself about it: it's not. So I get completely batshit crazy about not being able to really 'love' it.
The old pushing myself to it method only goes so far and it's not working. Any ideas of how to get over it?
I was studying the other day and I was pissed (I am taking some tests that are like 'job interviews'). So I started saying to myself:"f*** this, you know what, I didn't graduate in order to be memorizing the best way to answer such and such question, I need to learn from practice, real life problems, and not from a stupid book full of stupid questions asking me what if John Doe's kid runs around with softdrinks on a store, falls flat on his ass and cuts his face, will the store be responsible for the damage or what if some old lady produces drugs in colombia and goes selling around the globe which country will be able to prosecute her".
Since I graduated I haven't touched a single actual lawsuit. I hate these f***** questions, not because they are not interesting but I am so over theory, theory, theory. :mad: On one hand I understand it will be really cool if I can assimilate all the information that is expected from me, on the other I hate the process because it seems so sterile ("here's the question, let's look at what this text says, hum, this is the answer"). There is not really much thought to it, its comparing texts with other texts. While I was on classes it was ok because, well, I was a student and I was also having actual practice. Now I feel like I should be working, and it's not happening, and I just had a major fit a couple days ago and haven't touched a single book since then.
Relating to the title of the thread the thing is, getting to the bottom of it, I found out 1) I have a huge load of information to absorb; 2) I HAVE to absorb it or else I might as well just throw my diploma in the trash; 3) I hate the process of absorbing it; 4) I really want the end result.
Somehow inside my stupid head there is this idea that it should be easier, it should be 'funner', it should be more interesting to learn about this and I can't lie to myself about it: it's not. So I get completely batshit crazy about not being able to really 'love' it.
The old pushing myself to it method only goes so far and it's not working. Any ideas of how to get over it? 0
Comments
hit on the nail
but
still need to practise metta:)
What keeps me going it recognizing that my technique is getting better. There isn't going to be a new, improved Ren who views hours of scale practice with equanimity. I just try to stay focused on the benefit.
Another thing is that hours of scale practice used to leave me feeling like my body had been tortured. Literally every part of my body hurt when I finished for the day. It took years to learn to maintain a posture that allowed me to do this without pain. So that fact that I'm doing this now is a major accomplishment in itself, something that took years to achieve.
Keep your eye on the prize and recognize what you've already accomplished. That's all I can suggest.
Preliminaries. We gotta get through them to accomplish being the benefit we wish to be for others.
One breath, one word at a time.
Yes.
If I want ice cream, I have to walk down to the corner store to get it.
If I don't want to walk down to the store, then I guess I don't want the ice cream that badly, and if I'm smart I'll just stay home.
Took me 60 years to learn that. Pretty good, eh?
Hehe, I like that!
NamelessRiver, does this work have to be done NOW or do you have time for a rest?? Sometimes you can just get 'full' with a subject, like study fatigue, so maybe if you have the time it would be good to walk away from it and just chill out for a couple of days and then start again with a clear head.
So he's getting his Law degree a whole year later than all his fellow 3rd-year student/friends/colleagues did.
They're all half his age.
He was in the group of top three students, for the whole three-year course. he was champion two years running in the moot competition, and champion three years running in the debate competition.
He was advised that he had enough accumulated marks, with all his course-work and dissertation taken into account, to still accept his degree last year, although his mark would have been lower, with 2 exams out of the four, done.
This meant that had he accepted his degree then (albeint with a lower mark) he would be working now, and earning a salary, and we'd be a lot more solvent financially than we have been in 5 years.
He refused.
He will not settle for anything less than a 1st class honours with distinction.
His determination is already opening doors for him, but it's meant breathtaking hardship for another year.
It's been hard, he's found it frustrating, he's found it tedious, he's found it heartbreakingly repetitive.
But he is a perfectionist in this, and I have to suck it up, for one more year.
So trust me - I feel your frustration, your ranting against the system, your beating your head against the wall.
But you need to know.
YOU NEED TO KNOW.
The tedium, the hypothetical, the trivial, the "never to be used again"...
it's all fuel for what you will be.
Because at one moment or another, a point will come up, and you will remember, "no, because the 1983 Sale of Goods Act* over-rides...." and you'll realise why you had to go through all those stupid, complicated, hypothetical scenarios.... to ensure that you know Law, and you know it sequentially, and you know which Law takes precedence, when and why.....
Keep slogging.
Please, keep slogging.
I understand.
I know.
But it will all be worth it in the end, when you wear your robe, clutch your diploma and look at the sea of faces and you get your degree.
(*don't check it, I made it up....:D)
I guess I was feeling a bit lonely, like I was completely stuck and that the other people that go through this kind of situation were loving it and maybe having so much fun and that it was "in their genes" or whatever (the old "everybody got it easy, it is just me getting screwed over by life...AGAIN"). Thank you for giving me some perspective :-)
I understand what you are trying to say (that sometimes we try to convince ourselves that we want one thing, but we don't really want it, right?), but getting to the store can be overwhelming, and scary and hard. Sometimes by getting to the store you can meet your match.
That doesn't mean you don't want the ice-cream, it just means you have come face-to-face with your limitations. Life will throw you in these sort of situations that you feel like running from - nobody wants to go through hard times - but because you do want the ice-cream, turning away is not an option.