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My cat is dying...right now..
Old cat, I had written a post about her already,
we ended up paying the huge vet bill, and it was useless, the cat has shrunk to skin a bones, she can't move, just pees herself and does not shit anymore.
she tries hard to drink water, doesn't eat, it's been like this for 3 days..
I'm keeping her company, because I feel kind of like I should be there at the moment of her death.. I am the spiritually inclined one. of the family.. and I don't want to her to be alone...
This cat used to be so anti social, now she is sticking with me.
It really bothers me that there is nothing I can do for her, except kill her.
I haven't been able to determine if she is suffering enough that I have to strangle her with my cable modem wire..:eek: no im joking, I would take her to the vet when I determine her quality of life is too terrible...
right now though, it is pretty terrible, so that's why I'm posting , I want to know your thoughts on it.. all she does is sit and struggle to breathe...
that's it. her eyes still show intelligence though, and they look like uncomfortable eyes..
she's not screaming in pain but I'm sure shes dehydrated, starving badly..
when do I step in, and euthanize ? If I take her to the vet one more time it will be her last, because they rape us with fees, so... I can't just take her to the vet to SEE if she has more time left, with a decent quality of life..
but you know, she's still aware, she can move meters at a time, maybe she can still experience more beneficial things before she dies,
or maybe I should let her suffer more, so she WANTS to die.
which might make her cling less to life and end up giving her a better rebirth?
anyway it's unfortunate that she is certainly going to die in my room any second now..
i feel helpless, like darth vader...I'm not attached to her, but I just don't feel like having her die
after all she is one of us..(our household crew...)
seriously I'm afraid she's going to hang on for a week or two..and that would be... terrible.. at this point her living that long is the worst case scenario...
so fked up..
we ended up paying the huge vet bill, and it was useless, the cat has shrunk to skin a bones, she can't move, just pees herself and does not shit anymore.
she tries hard to drink water, doesn't eat, it's been like this for 3 days..
I'm keeping her company, because I feel kind of like I should be there at the moment of her death.. I am the spiritually inclined one. of the family.. and I don't want to her to be alone...
This cat used to be so anti social, now she is sticking with me.
It really bothers me that there is nothing I can do for her, except kill her.
I haven't been able to determine if she is suffering enough that I have to strangle her with my cable modem wire..:eek: no im joking, I would take her to the vet when I determine her quality of life is too terrible...
right now though, it is pretty terrible, so that's why I'm posting , I want to know your thoughts on it.. all she does is sit and struggle to breathe...
that's it. her eyes still show intelligence though, and they look like uncomfortable eyes..
she's not screaming in pain but I'm sure shes dehydrated, starving badly..
when do I step in, and euthanize ? If I take her to the vet one more time it will be her last, because they rape us with fees, so... I can't just take her to the vet to SEE if she has more time left, with a decent quality of life..
but you know, she's still aware, she can move meters at a time, maybe she can still experience more beneficial things before she dies,
or maybe I should let her suffer more, so she WANTS to die.
which might make her cling less to life and end up giving her a better rebirth?
anyway it's unfortunate that she is certainly going to die in my room any second now..
i feel helpless, like darth vader...I'm not attached to her, but I just don't feel like having her die
after all she is one of us..(our household crew...)
seriously I'm afraid she's going to hang on for a week or two..and that would be... terrible.. at this point her living that long is the worst case scenario...
so fked up..
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Comments
I'm really sorry. It's so hard, because animals become members of our families. It sounds like she's really struggling and appreciates your care given how her disposition's changed.
I'm going to assume the really out-of-place "joke" is just how you're dealing with the situation...
Phone your vet and explain her condition now and ask what she would do in this situation. Persinally, from what you've said, i would put her down.
It's just a figure of speech when I said I worry she will hang on for 2 weeks..
Strangely enough the same feeling happened with my grandmother,
she was 80 something, got cancer, had a rapid health decline in like 2 days,
anyway the whole family gathered to her... but she hung on, for a long time, until we were waiting for her to die, just hoping she would die sooner than later..she was in pain..
but this cat, we dont even know what she has, just old age? and rapid decline of health?
the vet is useless apparently they couldn't find out the problem, only charged us 1k to do a bunch of tests..
so I guess Ill wait a day or two, if she doesn't expire by then, or if she is showing signs of pain , I'll end her
Note: Actually I am worried, about her rebirth, and what will happen to her after she inevitably dies..
what would the buddha do in my shoes...? how would he feel?
"Note: Actually I am worried, about her rebirth, and what will happen to her after she inevitably dies.."
If you've accepted that she will die and it doesn't worry you, why does the idea of her being born again scare you more?
You're worrying about possible future suffering when she is in very real pain right this moment. She might be reborn in a hellish realm, or you might be prolonging her pain and suffering when she's destined for a higher rebirth. So instead of speculating focus only on what you know of the present moment...
And remember, it isn't "her" being reborn.
And as noted elsewhere, say goodbye to her, and make a sincere wish for her to have an auspicious rebirth. Then both of you can be at peace.
I face the same prospect in the near future I suspect. I have a 14 year old dog (a large dog, and they don't usually live this long). I hope I am able to know when the time is right if the situation arises. My fervent prayer is that she dies peacefully without my intervention. But if it comes to it, I know that I can only do what is best for her by ending her needless suffering.
That may not be the most Buddhist take on it, but that's my experience. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
Peace my friends
Mtns
Akela "I am sorry... My cat died in great suffering two weeks ago, it was very hard. You can recite the mantra "Om mani padme hum" (pronounced "om mani peme hung") in her hearing, making a sincere wish for her to achieve a good rebirth.""
I did exactly that, she just now died in my arms, what happened=
my mom went to walk to dog, I go to get a glass of water upstairs I hear a meow, So i run downstairs, and she had made her way into my room, and was lying on the floor breathing heavily. her breathing did a slow decline you know, got softer and softer and she was going through death motions I guess, sprawled out on the floor.
I sang to her:
OM MANI PEME HUNG
OM MANI PADME HUM
That's the only mantra I know, ("behold the jewel in the lotus/flower" is my interpretation of it, and I think it's VERY deep) and really I was able to sing it in a special way, for like 5 minutes..
I was tear-ing up a bit, my eyes u know...
and i realize I have to sing this mantra without fear, attachment, regret, with pure goodness,
and I did..
it was pretty epic..
She died with me singing this gently to her and telling her to have no fear, that I want her to have a favorable rebirth..I love her but accept she has to move on. I mentioned also, (all of this, of course.. in the language of English ....and Intent) that she is returning into the one, that we all are..
It's the first time I "died" with someone.. solo, in the privacy of MY ROOM, which is my sanctuary.
It was a very personal experience...hmmm I have a lot to digest and learn..this touches me , with more intensity than I thought it would..
My parents had to euthanize their cat last year. It showed the same symptoms of yours. It turned into skin and bones despite all the efforts to feed it, because its metabolism was hyperactive at old age. It wouldn't use the litter box anymore, it would almost collapse trying to go a few feet to the restroom. It had a hard time breathing, drinking and eating. So even though we loved him, as he was part of our family for 16 years, they had to euthanize him.
Because cats are prideful animals. They do not want to show themselves when they're sick, so when they're that sick were they can no longer eat or drink, or use the bathroom properly they understand that they cannot make a recovery. And you helping it peacefully make its trip to the next world and comforting it, is the best you can do.
Now..
I'm in death silence.....the silence..is so loud..
Strange that..
If you were communicating pure goodness, I would say that is very good karma.
My dog had many extreme symptoms of aging; growing deafness and blindness, incontinenence of bowel and urine, bed sores. His front leg would separate at the shoulder amd I would have to snap it back in. He had a stroke,
Through all this I saw my own attachment to the dog, my fixation about doing the right thing and the dogs desire to live no matter how bad things got. Charlie continually tried to get up even though he would fall down. I gave him palliative care, and pain medication. Clearly, this dog wanted to live inspite of his many infirmities. And my trip about whether to euthanize the dog was about my inability to open my heart to the suffering of aging and dying.
He finally died one night and we buried him in the yard. I learned alot from Charlie and my heart feels tender to the remaining dog and cat I still have.
akela
Namaste
her death is teaching me a lot..
.. it's provoking a lot of thinking.
but don't be sorry that she died. that's like being sorry for the leaves for falling.
to view this unemotionally, with un-attachment, and compassion is best, but I don't think compassion is so much feeling BAD
...compassion is so murky...hmm?
I'd like to decipher it ..
I might die soon, I've been treating my body like a nuclear waste disposal site for 10+ years..
I've got to prepare for it, to be able to let the ruminating mind, go.
I'd like to finish this post but I really have to sleep...or else I'll die...
"every day is a good day"- I'm starting to know what this means, I told this to my mother today and she replied "of course if you wake up in the morning, it is a good day"
I think her understanding is too simple, lol.
"everyday is a good day"
I believe is because there is only ONE day etc, I need to sleep ttyl
peace.
I'm very happy that you and your cat had that time together and that she got to die a natural death. When you think about it happening before it actually happens it doesn't seem like such a huge deal but when it actually happens....it really is, isn't it? Not in a terribly painful or horrible way or anything. Just the stark reality of witnessing real death for the first time, holding it right in your arms. It's a lot to process. It's also an exceptionally important experience for you and for your development and I'm glad you can see that.
I'm sending lots of wishes for peace, joy, and understanding.