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panic attacks?
I'm writing this because i'm terribly confused.
Once upon a time I had a dream. In the dream aliens, or some kind of creatures, had tied me to a chair. Every time I would have a thought they would destroy the thought with a weird helmet they had put on my head. It was a strange sensation. Well, then i woke up and the feeling persisted. Anytime a thought would arise, it would disappear before I even had a chance to think it. Eventually there would be such a stream of thoughts that they all sort of blend together. My head feels like the snake that eats it's own tail. I remember thinking that my ego was leaving my body and that soon i would be a vacant shell. I even saw it as a pin point flying away.\
That was 4 years ago.
However, last night it happened again, except without the dream. I woke up and my thoughts started the spiraling. It lasted for roughly an hour and probably would have last longer had i not eaten a xanax. It's not a night terror because i am fully conscious. But it borders on something i would call ego loss. It comes in waves. I'll come back down just long enough to grit my teeth and get ready for round two. It is terrifying in a way I can't describe.
Anyway, Ive talked to doctors about it and they are all a little confused. And frankly i have no idea what it is. Just figured i'd write in a few of these things. I am something of a buddhist. I meditate and a few other things. These things are just strange. any insight would help
Once upon a time I had a dream. In the dream aliens, or some kind of creatures, had tied me to a chair. Every time I would have a thought they would destroy the thought with a weird helmet they had put on my head. It was a strange sensation. Well, then i woke up and the feeling persisted. Anytime a thought would arise, it would disappear before I even had a chance to think it. Eventually there would be such a stream of thoughts that they all sort of blend together. My head feels like the snake that eats it's own tail. I remember thinking that my ego was leaving my body and that soon i would be a vacant shell. I even saw it as a pin point flying away.\
That was 4 years ago.
However, last night it happened again, except without the dream. I woke up and my thoughts started the spiraling. It lasted for roughly an hour and probably would have last longer had i not eaten a xanax. It's not a night terror because i am fully conscious. But it borders on something i would call ego loss. It comes in waves. I'll come back down just long enough to grit my teeth and get ready for round two. It is terrifying in a way I can't describe.
Anyway, Ive talked to doctors about it and they are all a little confused. And frankly i have no idea what it is. Just figured i'd write in a few of these things. I am something of a buddhist. I meditate and a few other things. These things are just strange. any insight would help
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Comments
Panic attacks and sensations of alienation may arise during the process.
Their origin may be distortions buried deep within to bring up & let go of.
It may be helpful to take it easy, slowly and natural.
With metta.
I'm not a dream interpreter but your dream reminds me of being in a deep state of concentration where the thoughts, one by one, would emerge and not have enough 'energy' behind them to materialize. Kind of like a bubble in a stream that appears only to disappear a few moments later. The snake eating its own tail could be a symbol for the thoughts not getting off the ground, so to speak. Like I said, I'm not a dream interpreter but the brain is a fantastic organ that is capable of generating many thoughts and images in the imagination. William Blake is proof positive of that.
As for last night, what you describe is what the brain does. It's not abnormal. I sometimes wake up at 4 am and just observe each thought as it arises and passes away until I go back to sleep. I couldn't begin to explain where the stuff comes from but it's interesting to observe. So, maybe the next time it occurs, see if you can put your attention on the bodily sensations as the thoughts arise. Is your heart beating faster, face flushed...what are the sensations in the body (tightness in the stomach, leg, etc. Observing the mind/body is one of the Four Foundations of Mindfulness.
May your investigations be fruitful
The author of the book, Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, is a master of this discipline, and might be able to help you with your dream. You can find his contact info by looking him up on Wikipedia.
Here's what the Buddha recommended: know the experience. What did he mean by know the experience? In your case, the mind/body experience including the feeling of amnesia or cognitive dissonance. Keep in mind that anything you do to mitigate this 'leap of faith' to be with anxiety, will keep you from knowing the experience. There's no easy way!
Being human, I have had lots of anxiety in my life and it wasn't til I made an intention to 'know the experience', that I found out that knowing anxiety wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Furthermore, it became less and less scary the more times I knew the experience.
Also, try to be aware of the stories that the mind concocts when anxiety arises. The 'leap of faith' requires you to forget about the stories and stick with the mind/body sensations. Ajahn Sumedho said "Knowing is the quality of awareness; letting go, more and more deeply, of the content (story) of our experience and learning to witness the process (mind/body sensations) of it." You can do it. :-)
2. snake symbolises the 'cravings' within us
3. distruction of thoughts symbolise the practising 'cittanupassana' insight meditation
Congrutulations for practising insight meditation a long, long, long time ago (even though you can not remember it now)
most important thing:
read/listen to 'four types of mindfulness' (sathara sathipattana)
specially 'cittanu passana'
Some scientists say that dreams are rehearsals or dry runs or simulations to prepare yourself for a situation that your mind thinks you should be prepared for. That explanation makes sense to me.
Just a guess and/or opinion, maybe there's some stressful situation in your life that you are anticipating.
i had another minor attack this morning. and they always seem to come from sleep oddly enough. but i got up and just tried to focus on a warm feeling in my stomach. that coupled with a small xanax did the trick. At least it didn't reach the out of control "psychosis" it reached the morning before.
Anyway, thanks acariya. Who knows? it could be panic or a tumor (haha). It's just that i'm no stranger to anxiety either, and this felt like so much more than that.
I will try to add what I can to this thread when I'm clear (and when I have a good internet connection). Meanwhile, there is this- Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche had bad panic attacks as a child. He writes about them a little bit in his book Joyful Wisdom, and I think he even has a couple of videos on YouTube about meditation and panic attacks.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=yongey+mingyur&x=20&y=20
Like I say, I will add what I can when I can, and try to share some of my own experiences with you. But you know what they say about "the razor's edge"- not that I take your situation lightly at all.
Be well.
Things that the bearer has to do to attain calmness through Dhamma teachings, and overcome the "unknown Fear" .
1. take 5 precepts
2. chant mantras
3. do merits
4. radiate loving kindness
5. ask for forgiveness (past kamma)
May all beings be well and happy.
Did you talk to a general physician or a psychologist/psychiatrist?
He saw a psychologist and was prescribed something. He's dropped all meal supplements, stimulants, and anything else that doesn't come into his body by way of a balanced meal.
He is doing much better.
So, see a shrink first thing.
I have a slight panic attack at night. I cannot even lay down and my thoughts turn around very fast. Even being a meditator I still experience this on occasion. It can be disruptive for sure.
Take care.
I have been having fear, worry and anxiety in my life a lot more than I want them be.
1. I'm very interested in this... I have a couple questions I hope you will answer.
2. Is this a teaching by the Buddha? Ask for forgiveness from whom? (Deities, or the victim of the negative act?)
3. If this is a teaching from the Buddha... where can I read about it?
In some chanting guides and various Theravada practices this confession is still retained. Among monks it is expected that when one sees that they've been errant that they confess it and accept whatever censor is laid down by the community. They then exercise restraint from then on.
I'm going to link an article by Thanissaro Bhikkhu about forgiveness and reconciliation. Not quite what you're looking for, I don't think, but perhaps it'll be interesting anyway.
One reason I think that the Buddha commended those that saw their faults and confessed them was that they're minds would then become tranquil, thus removing obstacle from their path of practice (restlessness and remorse, and also prideful obstinacy). The allaying of restlessness and remorse is a principal reason for a trainee to practice the precepts also.
So, if you have no secret transgressions then their is no fear of consequences and no mental turmoil. No anxiety. Peace.
It might be a start.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/reconciliation.html
Relaxation therapies are also helpful, as is hypnotherapy.
If they are very serious then professional help should be investigated.
.
As others have said, I strongly suggest you continue to monitor yourself and how you're feeling, and also find a doctor or counselor who can help rule out any underlying causes. My only other thought is that if this continues to happen, do your best to try and remain calm while simply observing. Don't try and force yourself to do anything, but to try to see if meditation or even simple breathing exercises help you through it.