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For three weeks...

KevinKevin
edited March 2010 in Buddhism Basics
For three weeks I've allowed myself to be depressed. A girl "dumped," for lack of a better term since we weren't dating, me for an unknown reason. I've been beating myself up over it wondering why. Obviously I was neglecting what I know of suffering. However, I was talking to a friend earlier and he gave me some very non-Buddhist advice that basically said "Get over it," and this for some reason made me remember there's a better way to get over it than my friend's particular point of view. I need to acknowledge my suffering, understand it, and then accept it. I think this is obviously the best way to get over it, and probably the only way to do so without bitterness or resentment. So today I begin the process, and I just wanted to share that with everybody.

Comments

  • ownerof1000oddsocksownerof1000oddsocks Veteran
    edited March 2010
    I often ask myself whether I would like to have a person around forever. Sometimes the answer is definitely not, and it's only the feeling of insecurity that's creating a longing and putting other people in a glowing light.

    Whatever you were getting out of it, were you really that close or intimate? Whoever this person is, they're allowed to be not interested anymore. There's people I really like and am sort of amazingly close with, even though I don't call them up anymore. But if you're beating yourself up for other reasons like maybe telling yourself you're worthless or ugly or poor at loving then you're doing it for reasons that have no base. Perhaps you're fantasizing.

    I sometimes think of people like cats, because they go off on their own and look down on me, and the next moment they're rubbing up against me.

    Anyways, I'm certain there are plenty of other people out there looking for some warmth of some sorts. You may not get what you're looking for, but it's better than wasting some of your short life feeling all moody and broody. We're all in the same boat. Everyone is trying to make themselves happy, and most if not all find it difficult. So chin up, your effort and passion is where it's at.
  • zendozendo
    edited March 2010
    Kevin wrote: »
    For three weeks I've allowed myself to be depressed. A girl "dumped," for lack of a better term since we weren't dating, me for an unknown reason. I've been beating myself up over it wondering why. Obviously I was neglecting what I know of suffering. However, I was talking to a friend earlier and he gave me some very non-Buddhist advice that basically said "Get over it," and this for some reason made me remember there's a better way to get over it than my friend's particular point of view. I need to acknowledge my suffering, understand it, and then accept it. I think this is obviously the best way to get over it, and probably the only way to do so without bitterness or resentment. So today I begin the process, and I just wanted to share that with everybody.
    Kevin, I feel compassion for you! I've been there too (as probably everyone here has, in some way), and I encourage you to follow your plan with courage: for there are valuable lessons to be learned, though they be veiled in pain.

    Life is all about learning lessons and growing. If you learn to view your trials and tribulations as lessons you're being taught, it can be a very empowering mindset. The kind of suffering you're going through now is one kind of lesson (which we all must learn), and by bravely going into the experience and searching it out as you propose to do, you can derive tremendous benefit from it. You can transmute the pain into wisdom: a great bargain.

    If you practice this process enough, in time you can train yourself to be the kind of man who always transmutes suffering into wisdom: and then you will become very strong indeed, a real man of character.

    Best wishes to you! :)
  • nuageuxnuageux
    edited March 2010
    Thank you all for these posts. I won't go into any detail, but just wanted to say that I think this is probably just the kind of thing that I needed to read right now.
    zendo wrote: »
    Life is all about learning lessons and growing. If you learn to view your trials and tribulations as lessons you're being taught, it can be a very empowering mindset.

    I couldn't agree more, though sometimes I forget this. Thank you for reminding me. :)
  • zendozendo
    edited March 2010
    nuageux wrote: »
    Thank you all for these posts. I won't go into any detail, but just wanted to say that I think this is probably just the kind of thing that I needed to read right now.

    I couldn't agree more, though sometimes I forget this. Thank you for reminding me. :)
    You're most welcome, nuageux: it's heartwarming to know my words have been helpful to you.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me: I will be happy to listen, and help if I can.

    In the meantime, best wishes in your journey! :)
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