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Avoiding the negative

BaileyDBaileyD Explorer
edited March 2010 in Buddhism Basics
I have found that there is a part of me that seeks out and enjoys conflict and arguing. I find it on the internet or in real life. It's like a small adrenaline rush. I get it when I listen to talk radio, engage is "discussions" on certain topics, or even think about it. I have acknowledged this in myself. I have taken steps to remove myself from the situations that cause this. Is it better to avoid these kinds of things all together or should I work on being around these things and not falling into my old behavior?

Is complete avoidance the answer to negative things? Or do we have to find a way to live with them without becoming them?

Comments

  • still_learningstill_learning Veteran
    edited March 2010
    From my experience, you can meditate and do some self reflection to figure out a way to not let it affect you negatively.

    It would make you a stronger person if you can be around situations like that and not be affected by it.

    I also enjoy listening to radio talk shows and find myself rooting for one side of the argument. At those times, I try my best to remember that I am being passionate about the topic itself only, and at same time I don't wish any ill will towards the people who oppose my point of view.
  • TreehuggerTreehugger
    edited March 2010
    still_learning wrote: »
    It would make you a stronger person if you can be around situations like that and not be affected by it.
    towards the people who oppose my point of view.

    I used to "acquire" alot of things from stores a few years ago. Going out and resisting the urge when it came about seemed to be the trick.

    Before going into situations like this, remind yourself to watch out for certain feelings that might arise, like a wanting to argue. Whenever these feelings do arise, take note of them, and try to see what their cause is, and try to avoid allowing them to get the best of you. :D
  • MatSaltedMatSalted
    edited March 2010
    BaileyD wrote: »
    I have found that there is a part of me that seeks out and enjoys conflict and arguing. I find it on the internet or in real life. It's like a small adrenaline rush. I get it when I listen to talk radio, engage is "discussions" on certain topics, or even think about it. I have acknowledged this in myself. I have taken steps to remove myself from the situations that cause this. Is it better to avoid these kinds of things all together or should I work on being around these things and not falling into my old behavior?

    Is complete avoidance the answer to negative things? Or do we have to find a way to live with them without becoming them?

    I am sorry, I disagree with you completely, you do seek out and enjoy conflict and arguing:P

    But seriouslah... dont beat yourself up about it just try to minimise it. Im kinda similar in that I love a good debate/ constructive argument but its so easy online for them to explode.

    Especially here where some people seem to take themselves far too seriously:)

    No they dont!
    Yes they do!


    Attack!

    :P

    Peace

    Mat
  • tony67tony67
    edited March 2010
    Avoidance seems good to me. I like getting really drunk and having sex with strangers. Solution for the past 2 years I avoid going drinking and never never go nightclubbing. It's helped with lots of problems :)
  • KikujiroKikujiro
    edited March 2010
    If you avoid the negative your avoiding half of life.

    "Accept" the negative of the moment you know. Learn the definition.

    (I'm not talking down to you either, I had to do the same thing)
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited March 2010
    I used to be exactly the same way. Everyone on the road but me was an idiot. Nobody could do anything to meet my approval. I used to seek out ways to piss myself off. Just noticing that about yourself is a huge first step. I'm not 100% of the way there yet, and I doubt I ever will be, but learning to 'just let it go' was very liberating. I'm far less stressed than I used to be.

    Peace

    Mtns
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited March 2010
    BaileyD wrote: »
    I have found that there is a part of me that seeks out and enjoys conflict and arguing. I find it on the internet or in real life. It's like a small adrenaline rush. I get it when I listen to talk radio, engage is "discussions" on certain topics, or even think about it. I have acknowledged this in myself. I have taken steps to remove myself from the situations that cause this. Is it better to avoid these kinds of things all together or should I work on being around these things and not falling into my old behavior?

    Is complete avoidance the answer to negative things? Or do we have to find a way to live with them without becoming them?

    Oh no, don't avoid it entirely. You have learned to observe well enough to notice the rush you get from conflict and arguing. Good for you. Take it further though. This rush is your "scratching" ... but what is the itch that the scratching is trying to take care of?

    You can work on being around these situations and not falling into old behavior IF you work on looking beyond the scratching ... look for the itch, and when you find it, just let it be without doing anything about it. This is mindfulness at its best. You're halfway there already!
  • MidpackMidpack
    edited March 2010
    BaileyD wrote: »
    I have found that there is a part of me that seeks out and enjoys conflict and arguing. I find it on the internet or in real life. It's like a small adrenaline rush. I get it when I listen to talk radio, engage is "discussions" on certain topics, or even think about it. I have acknowledged this in myself. I have taken steps to remove myself from the situations that cause this. Is it better to avoid these kinds of things all together or should I work on being around these things and not falling into my old behavior?

    Is complete avoidance the answer to negative things? Or do we have to find a way to live with them without becoming them?
    I have/had the same tendency, but by studying and applying Tolle's and then Buddhist teachings, I am getting better and better at not getting "hooked" (as Pema Chodron calls it) in conflict situations. I believe it's better to face all life's challenges and learn how to maintain an inner peace. I have a long way to go, but I have made a little progress, enough that I can see it can be done. There are minor incidents now that make me just smile or even chuckle, that would have fired me up in the past, it's a very nice change. Avoidance might be necessary in some cases, but it would be a last resort IMO. Best of luck...
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