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What a day...
This is what my day was like yesterday and I found it interesting in that I'm either seeing things in a new light (more aware), or maybe it was Karma and this happened now because I'm ready to see\deal with this in different way. It's a long read but please bare with me. Also this is from an e-mail to my wife. I edited it but if there is a weird word or two that I missed that's why...
It’s been an interesting day. I went to an alternate location, and the network was down so I waited, and left at 10am to go back home... to connect to work remote.... well
On the way home I got to an accident scene where some kid like my son's age (18) had hit a big fedex truck … luckily everybody was walking around… interesting thing is that I had just been listening to the Dalai Lama about contemplating death and by being aware of it, you focus on the present, etc… sort of what I had already been doing after my mother in law just dropped dead about 6 months ago a day after seeing her doctor.
It gets better. I have had a dispute with Direct tv over them charging me $400 for early termination after having been a customer for 5 years. they insist that by me upgrading one box to a dvr it was considered a new contract even though I asked the tech when he was at the house if that would extend my commitment and he said no. I went stopped the service a few months later and that's when they hit me with this bogus fee.
I got home and the freaking collection agency called about direct tv. I ended up talking to a rep named Cheryl from Arizona she is 51 and she listened to my whole explanation, and pretty much told me my credit would be screwed for 7 years and it would affect me at some point, she went to the bottom line right away to pay 50% which is 190 etc….
I realized that by being angry about this being wrong, I would be hurting my wife and kids in the long run ie. Student loans etc… and also that I was meeting Direct Tv’s aggression with aggression of my own. Before going further I asked her name and what she thought of this etc.. she was very nice, and honest, and in the end we settled on paying 50% of the bill.
Somehow she sounded so honest and sincere but I needed that validation, which is why I asked her name, what she though from her own personal view etc...
Now is it Karma that I finally talked to someone who I felt was honest and was trying to help me settle this? Regardless of it being wrong, it’s up to me to settle this and not have pride that I’m right or wrong.
I also thanked her and told her she was doing good work by being so honest, and sincere. So in the end the mattered was settled, it’s behind use, it will not hurt us, and I think\hope I made her day by acknowledging her intent, and making her feel good about what she does. It must be a horrible job but she is the right person for it.
She was the first person in the 3 or so years that I have been disputing this that listened to me, and that seemed sincere.
One of my favorite things of Plato is that everyone should work at what they do best, and she is doing just that. Neat uh?
Now on another note I have a "work spouse" a guy I've been working closely for 15 years, we never have had issues but we are both so burned out that I guess he got upset with me a few days ago, I think he feels that he is carrying all the load.
We work remotely so I don't see him much but I did sense it and asked him if he was upset. he was but did not explain much... He is not talking much but that’s ok, I will just continue to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, hopefully he will change his mind through my attitude instead of me trying to reason or explain… when one does that it ends up being or at least being perceived as excuses.
I’m starting to realize why silence is so important and effective, even better than acting on our good thoughts and intentions. Sometimes it’ s better to be silent and let things happen.
So, I guess my question is why now? Why after years (3 or more with direct tv, and 15 with a very good friend) did I finally get someone to listen and reason with me about direct tv, or my friend get mad at me?
Is it because I'm finally ready? or am I just seeing things differently because I'm more focused in seeing what's there not what I'm thinking there is?
Life is good if you allow it to be.
It’s been an interesting day. I went to an alternate location, and the network was down so I waited, and left at 10am to go back home... to connect to work remote.... well
On the way home I got to an accident scene where some kid like my son's age (18) had hit a big fedex truck … luckily everybody was walking around… interesting thing is that I had just been listening to the Dalai Lama about contemplating death and by being aware of it, you focus on the present, etc… sort of what I had already been doing after my mother in law just dropped dead about 6 months ago a day after seeing her doctor.
It gets better. I have had a dispute with Direct tv over them charging me $400 for early termination after having been a customer for 5 years. they insist that by me upgrading one box to a dvr it was considered a new contract even though I asked the tech when he was at the house if that would extend my commitment and he said no. I went stopped the service a few months later and that's when they hit me with this bogus fee.
I got home and the freaking collection agency called about direct tv. I ended up talking to a rep named Cheryl from Arizona she is 51 and she listened to my whole explanation, and pretty much told me my credit would be screwed for 7 years and it would affect me at some point, she went to the bottom line right away to pay 50% which is 190 etc….
I realized that by being angry about this being wrong, I would be hurting my wife and kids in the long run ie. Student loans etc… and also that I was meeting Direct Tv’s aggression with aggression of my own. Before going further I asked her name and what she thought of this etc.. she was very nice, and honest, and in the end we settled on paying 50% of the bill.
Somehow she sounded so honest and sincere but I needed that validation, which is why I asked her name, what she though from her own personal view etc...
Now is it Karma that I finally talked to someone who I felt was honest and was trying to help me settle this? Regardless of it being wrong, it’s up to me to settle this and not have pride that I’m right or wrong.
I also thanked her and told her she was doing good work by being so honest, and sincere. So in the end the mattered was settled, it’s behind use, it will not hurt us, and I think\hope I made her day by acknowledging her intent, and making her feel good about what she does. It must be a horrible job but she is the right person for it.
She was the first person in the 3 or so years that I have been disputing this that listened to me, and that seemed sincere.
One of my favorite things of Plato is that everyone should work at what they do best, and she is doing just that. Neat uh?
Now on another note I have a "work spouse" a guy I've been working closely for 15 years, we never have had issues but we are both so burned out that I guess he got upset with me a few days ago, I think he feels that he is carrying all the load.
We work remotely so I don't see him much but I did sense it and asked him if he was upset. he was but did not explain much... He is not talking much but that’s ok, I will just continue to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, hopefully he will change his mind through my attitude instead of me trying to reason or explain… when one does that it ends up being or at least being perceived as excuses.
I’m starting to realize why silence is so important and effective, even better than acting on our good thoughts and intentions. Sometimes it’ s better to be silent and let things happen.
So, I guess my question is why now? Why after years (3 or more with direct tv, and 15 with a very good friend) did I finally get someone to listen and reason with me about direct tv, or my friend get mad at me?
Is it because I'm finally ready? or am I just seeing things differently because I'm more focused in seeing what's there not what I'm thinking there is?
Life is good if you allow it to be.
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Comments
I think the way you handled the first situation was good: you were able to recognize unskillful behavior, shift into a more skillful mode, free yourself from "clinging" to your anger, and even make someone else's life a little better. That sounds like a pretty enlightened transaction to me!
As for why you're starting to see things like this happening in your life, I have no doubt it's due to a shift in your karma, which you have been able to effect lately. Something must have caused you to shift your thinking, and a corresponding "ripple" has occurred in your karma. As the Buddha says: "All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts we make the world."
That same more-enlightened thinking appears to have made you more conscious toward your co-worker, and I would also venture a guess that you may be seeing similar benefits elsewhere in your life. Is that true?
That's how it is with changing karma (or so I've found): even a slight shift in your thinking can lead to a wide array of positive effects. Just as a minor adjustment at the center of a circle may seem small, but as you move outward from the center you see the area influenced by this small change is vast.
The key (I have found) is to take the fullest possible advantage of your "awakening": use it to plant as many positive karmic seeds as you can, so that if (for whatever reason) your current zeal should waver down the line, you'll still have more positive outcomes "germinating" for you. When these karmic seeds "sprout," they can lift the energy of your life up again, and in this way you can steadily rise, growing and evolving and becoming wiser and stronger with every awakening.
That's my understanding, based on my own experiences. What's great is that good karma can be a "virtuous cycle" (one good thing leading to another good thing, etc.), which makes it easier to plant good karmic seeds during a period of good karma in your life. Another reason to seize the moment and make the most of it!
Anyway, here I am. You are certainly right about a shift in Karma, I have been thinking and striving to be a better person ever since I can remember. I think my father passed this on to me, and it's just how I am.
However regarding Buddhism, It has always been in the back of my mind but I never pursued it to any degree. I suppose I was not ready.
During the last few years several key events happened, starting with my mother having a series of strokes when I was about 10, our immigration to the US, my mother's death in 1977 when I was a teenager, my father's death back in 1997, followed by my sister's suicide in 2007, and finally culminating in my dear mother in law's recent death on sept 2009. (noticed the recurring number 7?)
through all this, as I matured I learned to deal with death in many ways, the last two I focused on making something positive come out of the sad situation, as not to have these occurrences happen in vain. With my sister's suicide, I made it a purpose to be closer to my family, in spirit and heart... we don't communicate as much as we should but my outlook and feeling changed.
with my mother in law's death it was so sudden, a day after going to the doctors and being ok, she started having trouble breathing as she was sitting with her husband and passed away within 5 minutes... talk about impermanence.
It took us all by surprise, and since then, I have thought a lot, and decided to focus on valuing and experiencing my life each day until my last breath... all this before Buddhism, and finding out just how much my own thoughts agreed with the teachings of Buddha!
Since then (last september), I turned 48, I have lost 50 lbs, eliminated diabetes along with 8 drugs, learned to embrace whatever I do from playing classical guitar to cooking and eating and exercising every day, and enjoy my life more than ever.
in the last 2-3 months I went to a session of EMDR with a therapist, which is very much like a guided meditation session. It has a pulsing device or music that somehow helps you get in touch with your thoughts and we explored a few things... one of them was that I was so intent on protecting the little kid in me since I was a child due to all the hardships of life that I even prevented myself from being who I am, and letting the little kid go. coming to this realization, I felt liberated and relieved. since then I have felt more at peace, and able to explore further into who I am, and how I can make the short time i have left better for me and those around me.
I struggle every day with being a good person, relating better with my wife and my two wonderful boys 16 & 18. I'm learning to be forgiving and understanding, even when they cannot do so in return.
One thing throughout all this is that I have always felt that i'm a good person, and I have always felt the pain of others because of my own, now with the help of Buddha, I am coming to terms with this, and instead of only thinking of myself as being good, I am now ready to learn and act on this.
I have made contact with the Shambhala meditation center here in Providence and will explore what they have to offer to further my development.
So as you can see many events lead up to where I am throughout my life.
In fact even a few years ago, I moved closer to being ready as I returned to classical music after a 30 year absence. I feel that music has taught me how to "practice", to have discipline, to analyze etc... with cooking and eating\living healthy, I think it has been a way to cleanse my body in preparation to focusing on my inner spiritual development.
Last of all, I want to thank you for the advise on planting seeds... I think this is why many things are coming to fruition for me, because my dad also taught me to plant these seeds, and I have cultivated them deep within my whole life. And now being aware of it, I intend to plant them whenever and wherever I can. I hope to wake up each day, with the intention of living my life in the most honest, sincere and giving way I can.
In fact I feel closer to my dad than ever, and see more and more of him in me every day.
I must also mention my wife, she is a very supportive person, and follows her own spiritual path, she feels that her prayers have been answered in my change of heart, and my willingness to go further down the path towards awakening. I have been very happy with her for the last 21 years, and I could not have asked or gotten a more understanding and loving person than her.
By the way, what are your opinions of the Shambhala school? It looks to be a very good choice for me at the present...
I look forward to your comments, and to a friendship as I continue down my own journey.
ivan
It seems to me that life is a malleable thing: we can "shape" it into whatever we want it to be. But we're not aware we have this power, so we allow our lives to shape themselves, bouncing us around on waves of circumstance without our ever fully gaining control over them.
You seem to have taken the reins of your life and steered it in a positive direction (despite some difficult obstacles!). You've planted good karmic seeds, and when those seeds blossomed into fruit, you took the seeds from that fruit and planted them again. Now you are "harvesting" a positive present, while continuing to "plant" a positive future.
That's what I'm trying to do, too: some karmic gardening. I'm trying to uproot the plants I didn't plant consciously, and replace them with good karmic seeds: thoughts, words, and actions which, once embedded, will set in motion a more positive future for me.
It is a gradual process--pulling the "weeds" of my life and replacing them with better seeds--but thankfully, the karmic results are often quickly apparent: you feel better about yourself, you notice your "luck" is improving, you find you're more skillful with people, etc.
Onward and upward, that's the key: keep shifting your life more and more toward the light, toward the goodness. Keep planting good karmic seeds!
As for the Shambhala school, I'm not sure what that is; do you have a link?
Yes I feel blessed, lucky and happy that I have managed to adjust to life's problems throughout my life. My father was a very wise man, and I'm now just starting to fully realize this and to follow in his footsteps.
As for shambhala, the local chapter is here http://www.providence.shambhala.org/ and it's part of the main school\organization http://www.shmabhala.org
Warm Regards.
Ivan
The Shambhala school looks promising! I would go there, check it out, and see what you think.
Do you live in Rhode Island? I'm in Boston, not far from there.
* If you have not already done so, I highly recommend you read As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. This little classic is very profound, and can really change your life for the better.
Anyway, I checked out the Shambhala Meditation Center and it's looks great.... I attended the weekly open meditation and it was a very good experience. Shambhala Meditation is based on Tibetan Buddhism, along with some Zen components etc. and it is mostly in english and with very little focus on religion etc.. which is perfect for me.
They start a 5 week class tomorrow night for around $130 on Shambhala meditation which I hope to attend.
The hardest thing I'm going through right now is that since I'm much more aware of my moods, and my surroundings I tend to get frustrated\upset about becoming frustrated\upset about certain daily\people\work situation.
Ironically the hardest part is becoming upset about being upset to begin with. In the past I would get upset about something and go with that and deal with it as best as I could but now the focus is on my reaction to external conditions and why I'm getting upset to begin with. I now focus my attention to that, diffuse the negative feelings take a few breaths and such and return to a normal more peaceful open mind about whatever the original situation was about...
Anyway, yes I live right outside of Providence in Mass, in a town called Seekonk.
If you ever come down to the providence area, let me know and we can meet for a chat.
Regards,
ivan
The "cure" for this "concentric thinking" (thoughts within thoughts, or thoughts leading to more thoughts) is meditation. Meditation is the way to still the mental clamour and transcend the "monkey mind," and you should practice it as often as you can. Meditation is one of the greatest gifts we have, a mighty tool for our liberation.
The more we meditate, the more enlightened we will become. Meditation has a very powerful effect if practiced diligently over time. If the Providence center is close by, and if they offer free meditation, I would go there often and sit. I try to go to my meditation center 3-4 times a week.
In conjunction with meditation, reading the Dharma is also very helpful. Are you currently reading any Buddhist books?