Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In Register
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

The effect of practice on relationships.

KikujiroKikujiro
edited April 2010 in Buddhism Basics
I was gonna post this on another thread but i didnt really think it was totally relavent, so i thought i'd post it here instead.
My practice is changing the way I relate to people, significantly my GF. Now that i know for a fact that we as a partnership will end, I have a harder time arguing, being protective and possessive. Now, I'm not saying I should be that but, the way things are for most people, if your not that, its taken as if you don't care. And I don't want her to suffer because of my practice.

The way I've been dealing with this has been to teach her my thinking (not so she should agree but) so she understands. It's kinda working, but its kinda not too.

Comments

  • PietroPumokinPietroPumokin
    edited April 2010
    it;s not clear to me what youre seeking advice for, but i just say enjoy your time with her show care for her and do what you need to do and appreciate it as it is? dont punch her in the face, giver he a smooch for her buddha nature, reveal your deep inner self to her to spark her own revealing, and smooch her
  • KikujiroKikujiro
    edited April 2010
    I think what I'm saying is this: I have a harder time arguing, being protective and possessive. And this is taken as a bad sign.

    Meaning: She kinda likes the arguing, protective and possessive me.
  • PietroPumokinPietroPumokin
    edited April 2010
    just do what you gotta do.
    maybe, you say, hey girl, when you aint one wit de dharma, i aint one which yoo. the dharma's my one and only girl.
  • KikujiroKikujiro
    edited April 2010
    lol

    But really, it's kicking up some shit, so it's not as trivial as you make it sound.
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited April 2010
    Dump her and find someone more peaceful.
  • StephenStephen
    edited April 2010
    Continue trying to explain it to her. Explain that you don't care for her less, but you are more in tune with the impermanent nature of all things, which makes it easier for you to not "cling" so hard because you know it'll only make you suffer. Make sure she fully understands how you *do* feel about her all the same, because you're naturally acting somewhat differently than normal. There's not much else you can do; just don't give up trying to explain to her the reasons why.

    Maybe have her do some reading on the basic fundamentals of Buddhism, the Four Noble Truths and Impermanence at least.
  • KikujiroKikujiro
    edited April 2010
    fivebells wrote: »
    Dump her and find someone more peaceful.

    Yeah, your right. I need to move on.
  • StephenStephen
    edited April 2010
    If you just dump her rather than having some patience with her, do you think that's a compassionate thing to do that leads to tranquility... to peace? At least from where I'm standing it sounds more like an evasion rather than facing the problem. If in the end she simply doesn't understand your practice, at least you'll have tried. If you really do care about her, don't give up so easily.
  • KikujiroKikujiro
    edited April 2010
    Don't worry I'm not gonna dump her :)

    I was just pointing out how damn bad fivebells advice was, and how even light speach can be taken on.
  • StephenStephen
    edited April 2010
    Ah, I see. ;)
  • LucasLucas
    edited April 2010
    Ahh, relationships. I was in a screwed up one for three years. I really thought I loved the boy to death even though he was just using me. Now I see all that is was, a friendship that evoled into something a little more, but would never reach the delusions that I had about its future. I hurt when I finally realized it, not only because I felt like I had finally realized he would never love me back and he just wanted to use me, but moreso because I let delusions blind me from what could have been a very beautiful and wonderful friendship if I had not tried to hold on the false expectations. Did he do anything wrong? Yes and no. Yes, he did know he used me; no, because he was honest about it and saw it for what it was when I did not; two seperate actions that was good and bad. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is don't let the delusion of love and comfort keep you from leaving someone that is not good for you, your mind or your practice.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited April 2010
    compassion and kindness is the antidote to attachment to peace... Some days its windy and we long for peaceful days. There are things that you could only do if you have this relationship. See if it can work with buddhism? Is it unbuddhist to fly a kite?

    PS - we've all been screwed one way or another as far as I know.... Just work on the part that is awake and responsive and alive... The one who is afraid that the future won't fit? That one won't last anyway..
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited April 2010
    Stephen wrote: »
    If you just dump her rather than having some patience with her, do you think that's a compassionate thing to do that leads to tranquility... to peace?
    If she really wants an argumentative relationship, and he really doesn't, then yes.
  • Emma-AngelEmma-Angel
    edited April 2010
    Lets be honest - all relationships are bloody hard! But the dharma does teach us compassion above everything else for those who are stuck in Samsara. Speaking from experience (i am married to a man who does lot like the idea of religion one bit) I find reading and learning the dharma and then practicing on him very productive. The Buddha did say that we should test out his teachings. Don't leave her, and don't expect her to bring you happiness. No being outside of yourself can bring you happiness because happiness, like everything, is temporary and all emotions are fleeting. One minute you will love her, and the next hate her. Its all change. Everything is change. Just sit by the river of life, become a passive observer, and just realise that EVERY problem will end.

    ...and if it helps, just think "ah soon i;ll be asleep all tucked up in my bed" - that gets me through a hard day!
Sign In or Register to comment.