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Mindfulness...at 3 AM, in the dark...

nakazcidnakazcid Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran
edited May 2010 in Buddhism Basics
Now that we're living together, my fiancee and I have hit a small bump in the road. This has to do with ... the toilet seat. Despite my efforts to remain mindful, I often forget to adjust it to the proper position when I'm done. Especially at 3 AM in the morning, when I'm stumbling around in the dark and befogged with sleep. Ditching a lifelong habit is difficult. Anyone have suggestions for preserving harmony in my household?

Comments

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited May 2010
    Put a spring on it so that you have to hold it up, and put it down gently.
    Or - why not sit down?
    There is no law that states men have to stand up to pee.
    In fact, it's less messy.
    particularly "at 3 AM in the morning, when you're stumbling around in the dark and befogged with sleep."
  • billwbillw
    edited May 2010
    Share responsibilities. I put it up, the wife puts it down, life goes on.
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited May 2010
    I think both of you could have a talk about why you leaving the seat up is not a message of disrespect or uncaring any more than her leaving it down is not a message of disrespect or uncaring. Removing the splinter from the wound lets it heal more directly :)

    If your only intent is to shift your own habits, I would consider going into the bathroom during waking consciousness and putting the seat up and down in 'dry runs' so to speak. You could also tie a string around your... hmm... finger.

    Another could be to spend some time contemplating the experience she would have if she forgets to put it down after you forget to put it down. Her sitting on the cold rim, butt hitting the water and so forth might be easier to remember at 3am than "remember to put seat down." Compassion is more apt to be conscious than your mind at that hour.

    With warmth,

    Matt
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited May 2010
    Annoyances are inescapable in relationships.

    We have a responsibility to try not to annoy our partner, but they also have an equal responsibility to learn how to accept our non-abusive quirks.

    At some point, we realize that the only valid complaint we have is how our partner directly treats us (and not leaving toilet seats in the "proper position" is not a valid complaint). Because we can't make an issue out of everything, we pick our battles (so to speak), saving them for the "deal-breaker" behaviors ... and we learn how to accept everything else. It's called "respecting your partner."

    As my mother-in-law once told me, "You either accept or you lose the relationship." It doesn't matter whether it's your spouse or your kids ... there's a whole lot of "letting go" if you want to keep your relationships.
  • pegembarapegembara Veteran
    edited May 2010
    nakazcid wrote: »
    Now that we're living together, my fiancee and I have hit a small bump in the road. This has to do with ... the toilet seat. Despite my efforts to remain mindful, I often forget to adjust it to the proper position when I'm done. Especially at 3 AM in the morning, when I'm stumbling around in the dark and befogged with sleep. Ditching a lifelong habit is difficult. Anyone have suggestions for preserving harmony in my household?


    How about sitting down with the seat up to remind yourself how it feels?
  • ValtielValtiel Veteran
    edited May 2010
    Tell her it drives you nuts when she doesn't put the seat back up for you but you let it slide. ;)
  • nakazcidnakazcid Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran
    edited May 2010
    Hmm, hard to tell the males from the females here, isn't it? :)

    Alright, some further information is required. My fiancee has kidney disease, which means she has to drink large quantities of water. This can lead to a sudden and desperate need to go to the bathroom. According to her, due to my bad habits, she's nearly "lost it" on a few occasions. Hence the need to alter my behavior. I suppose I should've pointed this out in my original post.

    Thanks for the suggestions. I'll try to imagine her frustration at having to "go" and simultaneously trying to navigate the lid at the same time next time I meditate. If any of you have any other suggestions, I'd appreciate it.
  • mettafoumettafou Veteran
    edited May 2010
    maybe pee sitting down, like a monk, or piss in the sink like bukowski.
  • nakazcidnakazcid Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran
    edited May 2010
    mettafou wrote: »
    maybe pee sitting down, like a monk, or piss in the sink like bukowski.

    I've been trying this, but so far have had a bit of trouble remembering to park my butt. Getting better, though.
  • lightwithinlightwithin Veteran
    edited May 2010
    billw wrote: »
    Share responsibilities. I put it up, the wife puts it down, life goes on.
    aMatt wrote: »
    I think both of you could have a talk about why you leaving the seat up is not a message of disrespect or uncaring any more than her leaving it down is not a message of disrespect or uncaring. Removing the splinter from the wound lets it heal more directly.
    Valtiel wrote: »
    Tell her it drives you nuts when she doesn't put the seat back up for you but you let it slide. ;)

    All great suggestions, but peeing sitting down, at least at that ungodly time, might be the best one I've heard if all else fails. It can go wrong if you do it haphazardly, but if you "park" properly (as you have found), then it should all be OK.

    Good luck!
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