Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Love
Hi! I've become somewhat interested in Buddhism in a while now, but something that has always worried me is the relationship I have with my mother. If I'm supposed to cultivate attachment, isn't the love I have for her just getting in the way? I could never give up my love for my mother.
Also, I do not believe in karma or reincarnation, which has created a kind of existential crisis. What's the point of living in an impermanent world if we just end up dying and disappearing? Can you share with me exactly why you believe in karma and reincarnation? (Or link me to a good resource about it?)
Thank you
Also, I do not believe in karma or reincarnation, which has created a kind of existential crisis. What's the point of living in an impermanent world if we just end up dying and disappearing? Can you share with me exactly why you believe in karma and reincarnation? (Or link me to a good resource about it?)
Thank you
0
Comments
As for reincarnation and karma... certainly you will hear from Buddhists that that is the reality.
Love does not equal attachment. Love is encouraged in Buddhism. Metta (often translated as "loving-kindness") is one of the four Brahmaviharas (Sublime Abidings) and in fact it is impossible to have Metta WITH attachment. You can love your mother, but can you love all beings as if they were your mother? This is the perfection of Metta, the ultimate form of selfless love. It seems like the smaller the circle of people whom we open our hearts to, the more attachment we have. The wider our circle is, the less we are attached to any particular person.
Perhaps a good idea would be to practice the "four person" Metta meditation. This involves first cultivating Metta towards ourselves, then for a loved person, then for a neutral person, then gradually for an enemy. Bhante Sujato has some detailed instructions on this type of meditation which you can find on this website which I highly recommend checking out.
As far as kamma and rebirth goes, don't worry about it too much. If, for now, you remain unconvinced that these things are true (or even likely to be true, or even possible) that is much better than forcing yourself to believe something simply because Buddhists are supposed to believe it.
As you practice meditation and learn to observe your mind you will start to see how intentions lead to actions which lead to good or bad results according to the wholesomeness or unwholesomeness of those intentions. This is the essence of law of kamma.
Many children spontaneously remember their past lives, and often, when the facts are checked (such as name of deceased person, manner of death, place where they lived and description of what it looked like, etc) they match up with amazing accuracy. Prof. Ian Stevenson has done a lot of research in this area and you could start by checking out this website. All of this is only "suggestive" of rebirth/reincarnation, it does not definitively prove this phenomena. Remembering ones own past lives is the most definitive way to clear up doubts about rebirth. I understand that this can be done with deep meditation.
I hope some of what I have said is useful to you.
With Metta,
Guy
Only if there is clinging. The Buddha taught ignorance and clinging lead to dukkha. I would personally say attachment in and of itself is not the problem so long as ignorance and clinging are gone, that is, so long as you fully understand the nature of things, the impermanence of things, anatta... and naturally let go when the time comes, it's no problem.
Because things are impermanent.
Kamma as taught by the Buddha isn't really something to "believe in." I would suggest the articles at the bottom of this page: http://www.unfetteredmind.org/articles/index.php
As for rebirth: http://www.what-buddha-taught.net/Books7/Buddhadasa_Bhikkhu_Anatta_and_Rebirth.pdf
"I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an02/an02.031.than.html
If there is reincarnation, how would that change the way you are living now?
What goals would you have for the next life that would be different to the goals you have in this current life?
How would a future life be different than the current life?
Thanks
Caveoftheheart,
In addition to GuyC's skillful advice, I'd like to point out that you might have a wrong understanding of what attachment and detachment are about. Attachment in your case would be assuming that your mother is the source of the love... as though she was a lamp in the room radiating that love. This is not the case. The love is a part of you, and your mother is the object you send that love toward. Does that make sense?
Certainly your mother sounds as though she deserves that love! To detach that love from your mother, you do not "kill your mother" metaphorically, but learn to extend that love to others, who also deserve your love. Eventually, you might even see that it is not the others that "deserve" love, but that YOU deserve to have love for others, because it will make you peaceful and happy.
As far as karma goes, it is not some mystical "accounting". It can be simply described as a kind of memorization of how things go. For instance, if you are used to your mother waking you up every morning and come to expect it, then one morning if she doesn't you might get angry or sad. This is a karmic effect. You are feeling distress because your expectations are not being fulfilled.
These basic principles apply to all of the experiences we have, from the angry teacher to a passionate kiss. Our karma is revealed when we feel disturbed at their presence or absence in our life. Its not some "pay it forward" of the universe.
With warmth,
Matt
Love is great, it is attachment, but it isn't in essence delusion.
namaste
I could use a little clarification as to what this is saying. More specifically by what is meant by "rouses his..." and by "settles and establishes them..."