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Feeling numb/neutral nearly all the time.Is that what you are supposed to feel?
I am feeling pretty numb these days with a certain level of non attachment. I have started a diet and found it really easy not to feel tempted by the greasy food choices . Im leaving meat behind too and switching to a more vegetarian lifestyle but this is all because somehow food doesn't interest me anymore . Its like they all taste the same and the only thing that matters is getting the right nutrition to nourish my body , from a cabbage , or beans or whatever.
But then nothing interests me , i can sit in front of a tv , on the comedy channel and nothing makes me laugh. These so called comedians are just spewing out old stereotypes and situations i cannot relate to , specially if it is all about their Hollywood celebrity BS . I'm a poker face , no expression. I get no enjoyment of being surrounded by people either . I don't love them but i don't hate them , although i still care about those close to me, not in an emotional way.
Also i just graduated from college and have zero desire to continue my education because i know that no matter what i do or dont do , theres always going to be a replacement for me.You see i dont really buy into the belief that one is special and the world will suffer if you go blah , blah , blah .My major is optometry , im not going to save the world by giving eye prescriptions and im sure there are more than enough optometrists out there more committed than i am , so if i vanished right now it wouldnt have any real effect on the world . Thats how i see it and its not depressive at all , its the reality.
Im just saying cause i know this state can come across as depression to some , but im not depressed. I dont think dark thoughts about suicide and hateful pitiful crap . Im rather blank , staring into space , disassociated , not being affected by daily happenings . A whole day could have gone by and i have done nothing but i dont care , there's nothing wrong with that in my book , theres no aspiring to overcome this blankness and become (Insert anything that is socially acceptable here) to please somebody , and i wonder what does emptiness have to do with Buddhism ? is this ok with their beliefs ?am i on the right track?
But then nothing interests me , i can sit in front of a tv , on the comedy channel and nothing makes me laugh. These so called comedians are just spewing out old stereotypes and situations i cannot relate to , specially if it is all about their Hollywood celebrity BS . I'm a poker face , no expression. I get no enjoyment of being surrounded by people either . I don't love them but i don't hate them , although i still care about those close to me, not in an emotional way.
Also i just graduated from college and have zero desire to continue my education because i know that no matter what i do or dont do , theres always going to be a replacement for me.You see i dont really buy into the belief that one is special and the world will suffer if you go blah , blah , blah .My major is optometry , im not going to save the world by giving eye prescriptions and im sure there are more than enough optometrists out there more committed than i am , so if i vanished right now it wouldnt have any real effect on the world . Thats how i see it and its not depressive at all , its the reality.
Im just saying cause i know this state can come across as depression to some , but im not depressed. I dont think dark thoughts about suicide and hateful pitiful crap . Im rather blank , staring into space , disassociated , not being affected by daily happenings . A whole day could have gone by and i have done nothing but i dont care , there's nothing wrong with that in my book , theres no aspiring to overcome this blankness and become (Insert anything that is socially acceptable here) to please somebody , and i wonder what does emptiness have to do with Buddhism ? is this ok with their beliefs ?am i on the right track?
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Comments
It sounds like you are sliding into apathy, which is not a fun place to be. Detaching from the world isn't about not caring, its about not being swept into the experiences and events. I think on one hand it is good that you are not getting caught in sensual indulgence, seeing the purposelessness of eating unhealthy foods and watching entertainment etc. However, it doesn't seem like you're finding any real nourishment elsewhere.
Do you meditate? If possible, I suggest finding a meditation center in your area and going and learning what Buddhism is about. There are reasons that you exist, and looking into those reasons can provide you much more joy than a hamburger.
With warmth,
Matt
buddhist emptiness is a state of freedom, of liberation, of brightness, of happiness
possibly you can consider learning & practising some meditation in a buddhist group
meditation helps one develop an inner 'challenge', to move from from being stuck & spinning in the brain's thoughts to more into the realm of gut emotions
the inner wisdom & spirit learns to 'fight' inwardly
the inner spirit fights for freedom from what oppresses it
true...the world is full of bullshit but inwardly we can find a lovely & satisfying lotus flower
No, you are not on the right track. As you progress along the path, you find yourself actually feeling more keenly and living more fully. What changes is not your feelings themselves, but your relationship to your feelings ... they no longer "hook" you.
The Buddhist term "emptiness" is not referring to our emotional state or even specifically to ourselves, but to the true nature of all reality. When we look at an object, it is "empty" ... that is, that object is devoid of inherent existence, which is another way of saying that the object exists only because of other external conditions. If you are interested in emptiness, there are descriptions and explanations all over the internet, and you can search these out. Realize however, that intellectually grasping emptiness, is only an intellectual exercise.
Yes, you are right ... others might construe your situation as depression. In fact, one doesn't have to be having thoughts of suicide or darkness in order to be depressed. There are nine possible symptoms of depression, and only five of these are necessary for a diagnosis of depression ... AND one of those five symptoms must be EITHER "(1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure." (ref. DSM) This loss of pleasure is not what Buddhism intends or produces, so I would make an appointment with a counselor to look into it further. Take care of yourself please.
But no numb means that something is out of balance. Probably your energy is too low for your 'concentration'. Its called the Indiryas which are balanced factors..... They are self correcting you just need to open to the situation. As energy level rises it is often a little painful so don't be surprised.
If you wish to read from the actual teachers on this matter... here http://www.buddhanet.net/vmed_9.htm. The part about balance is down below. Under heading 'balance'.
"Then concentration and energy must be in balance. When concentration is strong and energy, effort is weak you have the close friend of a yogi, sloth and torpor. So when you can concentrate very well on the abdominal movement and concentration becomes deeper and deeper, the noting mind notes the object of its own accord without any effort. Then the effort or energy becomes gradually less and less, decreasing. Concentration becomes weaker and weaker and gets into sloth and torpor. So when concentration's strong and effort is weak you are sure to get into sloth and torpor. To correct it you must make some more effort in your noting. Be careful, note energetically and precisely.<jeffrey's underline="" added.....here="" my="" guru="" advises="" opening="" to="" the="" situation="" rather="" than="" noting=""></jeffrey's>(note: Jeffrey has underlined. Here my guru calls the noting to be opening. Which openness is = awake heart present open)"
No, it doesn't sound okay or consistent with Buddhism. What you are describing in clinical terms is anhedonia (loss of ability to feel pleasure), apathy (feeling that nothing matters) and hopelessness.
As foiblefull has said, you don't have to be thinking suicidal or dark thoughts to be depressed.
If you look at Buddhist teachers such as the Dalai Llama, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron and Matthieu Ricard, they are full of joy. It is possible and desirable to feel joy and to live life intensely without having unhealthy attachments. They still recognise and feel beauty, love and happiness - and you can and will too with the right help.
With loving Kindness
Fran
Much love and have fun with it all there's no rush
Pema Chodron also said meditation is not about feeling better then humorously said she could hear the shockwaves going out into the hallway when she said that.
Its a long path. But yes the path is also about relief of suffering so bring this to awareness and don't think it is a sign of detachment. Detachment feels great!
Depression happens because the heart energy is not flowing correctly. That is like the energy of buddha. By aligning with openness (awake heart present open) you may cure this. That will balance the indiryas. Good practice during depression (personal experience here) is to keep structured activities and in between do some mindfulness. Feel the pain. See thinking as thinking. Body as body. Feeling as feeling. Pain as pain. Worry as worry. Then structure another little activity to kindle the energy. A tea. A read. A watch. A walk. A talk. etc
I find suffering more meaningful when I see it on the path as part of the path. Purifying bad karma or so forth. Developing forbearance. Developing spacious mind.
The term emptiness is often misunderstood. It means the non-existence of a thing apart from the factors it is dependent upon. People sometimes say, "I feel empty" or "My life is empty," but that is another thing entirely.
n someone posted it is good to c things as they r
i very much appreciate it cuz b4 when i was doing drugs couple of months back, i felt like everybody was faking it
but now i learned n know that seeing things as they r helps a lot, negative thoughts or attitude is no back or white that u can easily distingiush
but it is real, even if u don't feel it, i think u should go to professional doctor and talk about it
tc n pse
As human beings we can fall into two extremes, indulging in over stimulation and being numb to everything around us. Both of these extremes are to be avoided if you want to stay on the "right track."
What is important is not becoming attached to this new experience but to keep a strong question in your mind.
"What is it that is feeling this numbness?"
"What is this "I" that is having this experience?"
We can try to answer this in many ways (through the use of concepts or through the use of emptiness) but ultimately it brings us to the same place. "Don't know". This "don't know" mind is your true nature. Explore that and these feelings will become much clearer.
As an optometrist you could volunteer to work in a developing, poor country and help those who cannot afford opthalmic care. Eyesight is precious!
I love this, Fran! I have issues with some severe depression, and these words are powerful
If you do vipassana meditation (awareness)...start doing some loving kindness meditation...you're emotions need spiritual nourishment to next to your mind.
If you're not laughing, something's not right. It sounds exactly like depression to me (I should know). Try getting some exercise. Go for a brisk walk of at least 30 minutes, five days a week. Get the endorphins flowing and your outlook will brighten.
If you've got too much time on your hands, you might consider giving some of it away with some volunteer work. It will get you moving and caring about what you are doing again. Complete detachment from life is death. That's fine when the time comes, but you are young. Take advantage of youth and experience life. Every moment is a precious gift. Use it wisely.
Hello Matt , i guess you could say that , but i do still care . Recently i volunteered for the Unicef but just like it happened in college , I had to push myself to do this and other activities all from my head ,I care but i DO NOT FEEL , my brain mandates "this is the right thing to go , go ahead and do it " and yet theres no feeling going with that.or even if i do feel something gits always low range & short lived . Like for example i can feel compassion for people ,animals , the earth ect but only for a few min and then back to neutro poker face lol
I meditate , do exercise and all that jazz but still within the parameters of neutrality
and yes my sex is at an all time low , no big surprise there and again i dont care since i have been a big Asexual my whole life ..
Can you expand on this? Does it happen randomly or do you focus in a certain way? Compassion is something we cultivate.. I wonder if you could do more to develop this?
With warmth,
Matt
There are many excellent suggestions that will help you in the thread so far.
with metta
Great advice! Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!
The goal of Buddhism is NOT to eradicate feeling. It is to free yourself from being swept away by your feelings. Caring but not feeling, this is not where Buddhism is supposed to take you.
I feel exactly like you do. I've been practising budhhism for a while now, and it does seem to be pushing me away socially
A teacher once said: "do not fight the present". I do feel sad or bored quite often, but realise that I can't fight it and I just accept it. I know that there will times when I will feel happy.
Maybe it is possible to fix it with a little bit of practice
Find a place where you don't feel bored. For example, I don't feel bored when I'm not at home
Gosh this is interesting. Haha, I'm someone who's extremely sensitive, tears up several times a day, cries and laughs and quakes in fear and feels things so intensely! A gift and a curse, I suppose. I have often wished I could just shut the whole thing off! It's eye opening to know that there are people out there who's life experience is the opposite, in that respect.
This is such a cool idea, and I can completely relate with you on the emotions! My intense feelings and emotions are still there, but I'm finally learning to be more mindful of the behaviors that come from them. But yeah, I can't even IMAGINE not feeling. I have a new feeling every three and a half milliseconds, it seems like!