Heedlessness

RichardH

This is a question for people who have practiced for some time. How often do you find yourself slipping into heedlessness? There is less lapsing into unconscious behavior for most, and maybe more importantly less self-judgment around it, but everyone I know says they lapse into heedlessness. They just acknowledge it, and carry on.


So the question is...What are the persistent triggers that make you act out?


Thanks:)

aMatt

I have two main triggers, and I find one to be quite funny, and one to be more troublesome.

The first is when I am doing an action meditation, such as cooking. Normally I have the kitchen all to myself and develop a fluid connection between what needs doing, what is done and what is happening in the present moment. I am always delighted while trying to make sure all of the food is done well and ready at the same time.

Then my girlfriend comes in and starts doing dishes. Our kitchen is small and it really absorbs a lot of the space, preventing me from accessing over half the workspace. As far as my equanimity, its like putting a baseball bat in the spokes of a bicycle as I fly over the handlebars and crack my head on the cement. I feel an aggressive "Do you have to do that right, frigging, now?!?" I have yet to dismantle the trigger. Outside of the moment, I laugh heartily at the weird place I go.

The other big trigger is when I perceive a threat to my family, especially my 8 year old son. If I see another kid insulting or pushing him around, I very quickly lose sight that the other kid is a kid, and see him as an enemy. I don't act out on that strong defensive energy, luckily, but goodness does my mindfulness collapse. I think this rises from an old pain I have yet to fully heal from. I was abused a lot by in a way I could do little about, as it was my older brother and his friends. I had little ability to fight back physically or mentally, and my parents were basically absentee so I just endured.

Anyway, I find these two triggers to be present in my life, and am not too worried about them. I dismantle what I can with each arising. The main regard is to make sure you're not hitting yourself with a second arrow.

With warmth,

Matt

RichardH

Thanks for that aMatt. It's funny, territorial conflict in the kitchen, I know it well. One thing that gets me is if I'm cooking a big Indian meal for everyone following my old dog eared recipe book, and someone steps into the kitchen wanting to include a non-indian dish that does-not-fit the whole dinner concept. Well!! Same with cooking Italian. Its pretty dumb really.

I find with the heavy triggers like a perceived threat to my child there is an overriding need to behave responsibly, so there isn't much acting out, even if there is an urge to annihilate a transgressor.

PietroPumokin

ANNIHILATE A TRANSGRESSOR
haHAHAHAHAHAHhaW
what the DUCK RICHARD the artist formerly known as HERMAN
LoL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i find myself slipping into heedlessness at least 19-203 times a day, and you know dogen zenji wrote that we undergo birth and decay continuously throughout the day which is made up of about ten billion kasanas

RichardH

It's a parental thing. You can call me Herman, just not Munster.

PietroPumokin

the biggest threat to our children are the inner threats of delusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
even a doctor that has gone mad and plots to kidnap a whole covey of children and do experiments on them is still less of a threat, of course unless his intentions are brainwashing,
and my daughter and son was picked up by a pterodactylsaur and brought high atop to the side of a cliff where the beast made its nest and was going to feed them to her hatchlings and even though i climbed all the way to the top in my nude with nothing but a machete in my mouth and my own fingernails digging into the rock to scale up, i still acknowledged that no matter by what force of separation and time , AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE INNER THREAT OF DELUSION, GREED, AND FEAR!!!!!!!! - and though that's precisely the motivation that got me to that demon's nest - demon who i blessed after i slayed Her and her offspring by slitting their throats and drinking their blood for fuel to get back down carrying both me and my daughter and son - i knew that it's better than, for instance, christians getting ahold of them.

Whoknows

I think my three kids (10, 6 and 3yo- all girls) are the greatest trigger for heedlessness, there's a lot a karmic baggage there and it seems to be most resistant to practise, I think one of my children deliberately incarnated as my child to test my patience. Of course, its not them its me (relatively anyway)! The anger seems less "sharp" for want of a better word, but the actions are still there almost like an observer. I think things may be getting better though, mindfulness can make things appear worse especially as the bar is lifted higher and higher, sometimes it is good to compare with how you used to be or see others that react how you used to react. I remember a child with a hammer breaking a hole in the fly wire because my brother locked me out, or another after that being aggressive because someone cut them off in traffic, or another getting more and more angry with a situation because this person didn't have the guts to speak up early and needed to let the anxiety and anger build up to blatantly overreact. This person may not have come far, but he has moved beyond these states. Yet, now to deal with my children fairly.

At some stage we need to address volition, but that's a tricky subject and differs from school to school. I think a good understanding on the relationship of karma, volition and spontaneity is useful, it can help with the forgiveness. Fortunately in my lineage the defilements are fuel so its lucky that I've managed to keep a lot of them.

Forums are good for heedlessness though!

Cheers,

WK

GuyC

Hi All,

Reading what Richard and Matt said about the cooking thing is like looking in a mirror!

Another time when I can lose my mindfulness is when people drive dangerously and aggressively as if trying to get to their destination 5 minutes earlier is worth risking killing or seriously injuring themselves and others. I have never had road rage, but I definitely get annoyed about this.

Pietro Pumokin wrote: »

i find myself slipping into heedlessness at least 19-203 times a day

This is comforting to know I am not the only one.

With Metta,

Guy

aMatt

Whoknows wrote: »

I think things may be getting better though, mindfulness can make things appear worse especially as the bar is lifted higher and higher, sometimes it is good to compare with how you used to be or see others that react how you used to react.

My girlfriend laughs about this one. I'll come back from one of my mindless anger stints, and come to her with humility and apologize for being angry. She thinks its hilarious, because I didn't yell, didn't throw anything... I just aggressively insisted... but in her eyes I did it gently. To me, it felt like a raging torrent. I think its pretty funny how subjectively different things can appear.