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My acceptance, and rebirth question
Today I accepted the fact, that my grandfather (some who debated on my thread will remember the story) would have told me as a 13/14 year old that he understood the pain I was in, and understood why I didn't see him on his death bed.
I now know, today he would tell me, to live as he would have wanted, with love, as he showed everyone else, with compassion, and most of all with my heart, and to stop dwelling in the pain of his passing.
I understand Buddha spoke once of honoring the passing of a loved one, and dwelling in pain, is not honoring him.
Although I know he would be very skeptical of me looking at Buddhism hehe.
Now a couple of questions
I am curious, what he spoke of the mourning process? Also, when one is reborn, do they hold memories of the past life? For example: I die, and am reborn as a toad. Will I remember this life, with my wife, and children, wouldn't that be a ultimately sad life, as you would miss them, for eternity? Knowing you had that, and now you are a toad...If that makes sense...
I now know, today he would tell me, to live as he would have wanted, with love, as he showed everyone else, with compassion, and most of all with my heart, and to stop dwelling in the pain of his passing.
I understand Buddha spoke once of honoring the passing of a loved one, and dwelling in pain, is not honoring him.
Although I know he would be very skeptical of me looking at Buddhism hehe.
Now a couple of questions
I am curious, what he spoke of the mourning process? Also, when one is reborn, do they hold memories of the past life? For example: I die, and am reborn as a toad. Will I remember this life, with my wife, and children, wouldn't that be a ultimately sad life, as you would miss them, for eternity? Knowing you had that, and now you are a toad...If that makes sense...
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Comments
The first is that there is some core, some part (call it consciousness), that migrates from one set of aggregates some time after 'death' and is part of the cause for new life. That is, this consciousness is required to 'connect' with the sperm and egg or no new being comes into existence. This 'seems' to actually be the view that most Buddhists have taken, and there is much evidence stated in favor of it. It's not something that can be observed, but perhaps in meditation becomes clear without the need for observable phenomena. What also could be behind this view is an overlying universal-consciousness that is the driving force of life. Is it a selfish rebirth, or a selfless one? I ask myself this often.
The second is that rebirth is meant to imply the re-emergence of unwholesome mental states and thoughts that are born of ignorance. It is the 'self', that which desires and clings and fears.....that is reborn. This is an integral part of our mind, but it functions as a stream of causality driven by conditions. To know the true nature of reality, through teachings of the Dharma and then by observation and meditation, this 'self' gradually changes and the trends of mind become unfettered by delusional thought. Then there is no more rebirth, no more 'round of becoming' that continually leads to frustration.
How we live is more important than what we believe. The Buddha may have been a man, but it is what he did and how that comes to affect us that matters. That is what I believe.
Namaste
Richard,
Rebirth is a little slippery in my opinion to comment about at this time, but I can comment on the grief, which is here and now.
Experience the grief, don't cling to it. Recognize it, feel it. Thinking "I am grieving, this is painful, I feel empty and lost" rather than "why did he have to die, why oh why?!? What am I going to do?" Can you see the difference? One is looking for answers to questions that are symptoms of the pain, one is dealing with the pain.
The idea is to come to understand what is happening within you, as it lets the healing that needs to occur to happen naturally. If you become absorbed in the symptoms, you're planting more pain and confusion because you're trying to not deal with the pain that you have (through understanding the causes.) Does that make sense?
I am really happy for you, finally looking at this in a way that will let it go. Best of luck to you.
With warmth,
Matt
Your question is easily answered. Do you remember your most recent past life? Do you know anyone who has clear memories of their most recent past life?
My guess is that if you answered no to each of these questions, then the answer to your question is also no.
First of all I am sorry for your loss. In times like that what is really important in life comes into focus.
What you are wondering is very human, where is my grandfather at? How is he faring? and maybe is he remembering and missing us like we miss him? Maybe he is watching over us?
It happens sometimes that memories of past lives surface in people. Some of these stories are for a lucky few verifiable through historic facts. But that is another ballgame. What Buddhism says in remembering past lifes is that it normally requires an effort to do so. But since most people do not remember their previous lives then it is safe to believe that normally that is the case.
There is a saying that if ever you are unsure of something in life then ask Death what to choose. Meaning that in shadow of your (always imminent) death decision making becomes easy.
So I would ask you why is this question important to you? In the shadow of your always imminent death what is the most skillfull action? To dwell on the past or engage the present in the manner, as you say, your grandfather would expect of you?
/Victor
He said there is no afterlife of a self, so abandon all thoughts of self.
(Will post link later.)
Despite this, however, there is no complete annihilation.
Thich Nhat Hanh used the analogy of a cloud. The cloud may cease to be a cloud, but the cloud is still there and you can see it in the rain.
.
All you need to know is that everything, absolutely everything you know, everything you love, will disappear. You, absolutely everything that is you, is impermanent. Period. It is a HARD problem, and you cannot wiggle out of it. These questions around rebirth are ways of grasping at straws, but it won't work, all will be lost.
That is the recognition at the beginning of practice. So you practice letting go and see where it takes you.