Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
does this come with time?
It is easy to be compassionate towards those we favor. And while I do not wish harm on others - even those I do not like - i have a very difficult time even thinking of offering all my possessions, compassion, happiness and such to those i dislike. 
My knee jerk reaction is HELL NO, why would I do that when i don't like them?!?!
Okay, theoretically i get the "why", and i understand that one of my goals is to be able to one day offer such things without a second thought to all sentient beings. I would like to be this way, and quite frankly it dismays me that I am petty enough to have that knee-jerk reaction in the first place.
What i am wondering is.. do i have the right to consider myself buddhist if I cannot do this? Do i need to get past this BEFORE i can move on with other aspects, or is it something that tends to fall into place with meditation and practice? Does it count if at first I 'fake' it? As in.. when i catch myself being uncharitable in my thoughts towards those i dislike, to purposefully think the opposite whether i mean it or not, but force my mind to repeat the more skillful thoughts.. with the hopes that one day it may become more automatic? I mean, I understand that if we realize that everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer and that we are all the same, that hurting one is hurting ourselves, then it is supposed to be easier to not have these unskillfull thoughts in the first place.. but .. there are some people i have so much anger and dislike for that when i get to them in particular i am petty enough to think, "okay, you you and you are fine, but NOT YOU! mwhahahahahahaha!"
(okay, minus the evil laugh, that was a tad melodramatic.. but not entirely off base, either, as it means i am willingly holding on to hurtful feelings/thoughts, know this is what i'm doing, and do it anyway becaue it's like i want to "hurt' them -not physically, to be clear- ).
Hmm.. do i make sense? I guess i just feel like i may not be "nice enough" at this time to consider myself a buddhist. What are your thoughts on this?
My knee jerk reaction is HELL NO, why would I do that when i don't like them?!?!Okay, theoretically i get the "why", and i understand that one of my goals is to be able to one day offer such things without a second thought to all sentient beings. I would like to be this way, and quite frankly it dismays me that I am petty enough to have that knee-jerk reaction in the first place.
What i am wondering is.. do i have the right to consider myself buddhist if I cannot do this? Do i need to get past this BEFORE i can move on with other aspects, or is it something that tends to fall into place with meditation and practice? Does it count if at first I 'fake' it? As in.. when i catch myself being uncharitable in my thoughts towards those i dislike, to purposefully think the opposite whether i mean it or not, but force my mind to repeat the more skillful thoughts.. with the hopes that one day it may become more automatic? I mean, I understand that if we realize that everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer and that we are all the same, that hurting one is hurting ourselves, then it is supposed to be easier to not have these unskillfull thoughts in the first place.. but .. there are some people i have so much anger and dislike for that when i get to them in particular i am petty enough to think, "okay, you you and you are fine, but NOT YOU! mwhahahahahahaha!"
(okay, minus the evil laugh, that was a tad melodramatic.. but not entirely off base, either, as it means i am willingly holding on to hurtful feelings/thoughts, know this is what i'm doing, and do it anyway becaue it's like i want to "hurt' them -not physically, to be clear- ).Hmm.. do i make sense? I guess i just feel like i may not be "nice enough" at this time to consider myself a buddhist. What are your thoughts on this?
0
Comments
Lol. Of course!
We're Buddhists, not buddhas.
While forcing yourself to do what's helpful and skillful is obviously a good practice, it won't make it automatic... that takes insight and true understanding and wisdom. That's the purpose of vipassana. For it to become automatic, your perspective truly has to change, and that will come with examining your attitudes and thoughts and actually investigating and answering the "why" of "HELL NO, why would I do that when i don't like them?!?"
Thanks, Valtiel for your response!
Instead of disliking a person, why not dislike what they say/do?
You can still develop compassion loving kindness and empathy for someone - but consider them human, with feelings, emotions, thoughts and reasoning, just like yours.
They bleed if cut, they bruise if struck.
They have all the faculties, limbs organs and identifiable characteristics you have.
You differ in many ways. And it's these ways that make you experience negative feelings.
But they're people, just like you.
You may not agree, or stand with with the feelings, emotions, thoughts and reasoning they demonstrate, but that's all excess to them as a person.
And emotions are transitory.
By all means, feel what you feel. Permit these opinions to arise, address them, but then let them be.
Don't carry them as baggage.
Realise you have them, accept you have them, acknowledge you have them.
Then know that these people are just operating from a place they feel or hope will bring them control, security and happiness.
And let it go.....
The generosity is not like a discipline exactly but rather a joyful practice. I wouldn't force it you might not be ready for giving all your possessions to enemies for heaven sakes. At this stage you are accumulating what you need to later practice for ALL BEINGS benefit. So while I say not yet to giving all your possessions I would recommend to read a little and reflect/meditate on how you can be of benefit to your enemies (or why).
As you progress along the path your greed and aversion decrease. But you don't get to have no aversion or hatred until you are fairly advanced.