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How do you answer /act around christians?
How do you answer a christian when they pose the question. What religion are you? Or do you believe in jesus/god. How about you guys whom come from families with a large amount of followers in the christian faith. I feel pretty bad at times almost torn apart ,torn between worlds. An example I can give is during family gatherings ,while everyone is asked to close their eyes any pray for one reason or the other I do not participate. My fam definitely does not support anything that is not part of or in the light of christianity. And I get a lot of tension around me because of that.
There was a time when I would argue with them on topics of christianity. They would argue
that god is the only way and the light. Basically saying that anything non christian related is not righteous. And I in what I believe to be a case of "wrongly educated life morals" would become upset and take my pot shots at them ,their religion.
That has all come to a strong halt as I see it does not promote any sort of peace. But the lingering feeling of how I might be more at ease around them still wonders about.
There was a time when I would argue with them on topics of christianity. They would argue
that god is the only way and the light. Basically saying that anything non christian related is not righteous. And I in what I believe to be a case of "wrongly educated life morals" would become upset and take my pot shots at them ,their religion.
That has all come to a strong halt as I see it does not promote any sort of peace. But the lingering feeling of how I might be more at ease around them still wonders about.
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Comments
Peace
Mtns
The Abhaya Sutta elaborates:<sup id="cite_ref-34" class="reference">[35]</sup><sup id="cite_ref-35" class="reference">[36]</sup>
In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, unendearing and disagreeable to others, he does not say them.
In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, but unendearing and disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.
In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing and agreeable to others, he does not say them.
In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, but endearing and agreeable to others, he does not say them.
In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, and endearing and agreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.
Why is that? Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings.
However, I don't and won't act kind towards ignorant, stubborn, bigoted people who happen to be Christians. I will gladly confront them with arguments that refute the belief system and theology.
I think it depends. If you watch debates between Christopher Hitchens and William Lane Craig (excellent Christian apologist) and the like, you will see that they have mutual respect for each other, and actually give each other thanks of gratitude for participating in the debate.
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Sometimes our strength of compassion arises from encounters with difficult people. I would consider those people the kind who need our kindness the most, and specifically not intending to be kind (don't and won't) a slippery path of dukkha.
Take it for what it is. Use there opposition as a way to practice compassion, I mean, they're standing against your beliefs, but they're your family and so you have to opportunity to think of all the positive aspects they have despite them playing an antagonistic role towards your desire to practice what you wish. Also, use it as an opportunity to try to embody the characteristics of a monk, and set an example of how you may live a charitable and good life without being Christian. They may not admit it but if they know you're not christian, and you take shots at their religion they probably think it's a phase or rebellion (well, depending on how old you are or your personality) and may not understand that you are actually not a Christian at heart. If they see you set an example without being in any way attached to Christianity and making it known that you are not, it may change the way they think a bit, and if not then it's their loss not yours, you shouldn't hold it against them.
Also, I understand this a little bit. I've always been into Japanese culture, but found Buddhism while studying Tibet. My family however, being woefully ignorant of the eastern world thinks that my decision to practice Buddhism is related to Japan, and so treats it like it's some phase or lightly taken choice based on obsession with a culture. It's sad in a way, I say Tibet, China, or India and they hear Japan because of my past. So I do the same as I advise, I show my seriousness by trying to best embody the beliefs I've chosen, and just hope that someday they'll realize it's not just some hobby or novelty to me.
Buddhist.
Yes.
Why not? Is "praying" with them going to make you less Buddhist? No. Is praying with them going to make you more Buddhist? Yes, Because a wise man does not cling to his own opinions and does not see his as "right" and others as "wrong". If a christian asked the Dali Lama or even the Buddha himself, to pray with them. I seriously doubt he would refuse.
I would bet the tension is coming from inside yourself rather than outside yourself.
This is a toughie. How I answer usually depends on how well I know the person.
Once, I got asked this question at work in front of a group of co-workers. It was a little uncomfortable.
I usually say I am agnostic. What I believe in is nobody's business.
I generally answer in the least specific manner possible. If asked do I believe in Jesus/God, I just answer no. If directly asked what religion I profess, I say I'm a Buddhist. For whatever reason, this rarely occurs.
My mother's side of the family has many devout Christians. Fortunately, they're over 1000 miles away, so I don't have to deal with them on a daily or even monthly basis. My father's side is more tolerant. My fiancee is Wiccan, which is a whole other kettle of fish - but she's very tolerant of my choice, even supportive.
My take is that religion is a personal matter, and not really anybody's business but my own. Likewise, their religion is not my concern either, as long as they're not browbeating me with it or practicing some sort of discrimination based on their beliefs.
Very rarely does the subject of religion come up in conversations with others, though. If it does come up, I just say "I'm not religious". 99% of the cases that ends it. That's basically a diplomatic way to say "let's change the subject" and most people get it.
But if there's a Christian who wants to make a point no matter what, I play it by ear. If I sense friendly concern for my soul, I try to answer to as many questions of the format "do you believe in X?" as possible with a "yes". For instance, I feel I can say that I believe in God just because I believe that there's a sort of a higher reality (Buddha nature of sorts). I'll also compliment the aspects of Christianity that I do agree with. On the other hand, if I'm dealing with a "converter" personality, someone for whom it's a matter of personal growth to convert people, I'll take a more evasive approach, just trying to get out of the conversation...
Ford,
There is so much about your dilemma that encapsulates the daily problem of walking one's own path. To decide to believe and act differently from a prevailing culture is always, always going to be painful.
There is a risk, however, of missing those opportunities for entering, as far as possible, into community and family ritual. Prayer has always been one of the places I could share whether with Christians (of all sorts of persuasions and odd faiths) or Sufi Muslims (I have no experience of others) or Buddhists. To help you find this space in which you can grow as well as participate, you might like to look at a book called Saddhana by Anthony de Mello, an Indian, Catholic priest (but don't let that pout you off - it's good!)
We are all trying, selfishly, to find a stop-gap.....something to fill the void inside each of us, the void that leads to questions about the meaning of life and our own purpose. In the ultimate sense, no one is any more right than anyone else and this is all about 'our suffering'. If you're happy, content, with any other religion or with atheism then GOOD!
They just didn't work for me, that's all. It's not what you believe [or think] that matters, but what you do.
Namaste
I wouldn't hold grudges against them or start insulting their religion, God, teachings, etc, to me, what's the point?, people who feel the need to insult others, either directly or indirectly, are just immature, IMO.
Over the years I've observed that confidence is where it's really at. As long as you present yourself in a confident, non-aggressive manner, the people you're talking to may get uncomfortable (their fault and problem,) but you will remain unaffected. It's really powerful to realize that what other people think of you don't matter. At all. They can't hurt you by disagreeing with you or disapproving of your religion. Decide to have confidence and to be at ease, and over time it will become just that simple. The main idea is to not in any way give support to the idea that it's weird or wrong that you're Buddhist and that they're Christian. It's not "pretending" that it's not a big deal, because it's really just plain not. Either they will become more frustrated and lash out, in which case it will be obvious to all involved who is behaving poorly, or else they will get the idea by your calm attitude and gradually adopt it themselves.
You may never convince them of anything. But maybe you can help them to let go by acting kindly and gently towards the situation. Best of luck.
that led me into many discussions with people who knew my parents were muslims, and i wasted alot of time debating, but i dont think the buddha would want us to debate, i think he would rather we walk the walk, and if someone doesnt agree with u, then no need to bother convincing them
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: Oh i just re-read you post, and i noticed that when they ask u to close your eyes and pray, u dont,ive done similar things, but i think the best thing to do, which i do on such occassions, is just to close your eyes together with them and send thoughts of goodwill instead of christian prayer, which is just their own kind of practice
like the dalai lama said, a menu card in a restaurant has alot of choices, not everyone makes the same, some like this some like that, we each have our own, i think the best u can do is just respect their belief the same as when foreigners visit a buddhist temple in Thailand, and follow their customs
If they ask if I believe in Jesus I would probably say that Buddhism came about in an earlier time and place than Jesus lived in, so he isn't part of the religion.
If they ask if I believe in God I would probably say that asking a Buddhist about God is like asking a pianist about guitar technique. That if they want to understand Buddhism they cannot really do that using Christian terms and cosmology, anymore that Christianity could be well explained using only Buddhist terms and cosmology.
In situations where a prayer is being said I do not participate, but I do bow my head and put my hands in Gassho and quietly recite the Nembutsu though.
Certainly I don't try to change a Christian's mind...for two reasons.
1. If they are happy in Christianity it may well be a good Dharma door for them.
2. Most of them are not Christian due to logical argument, but based on a faith which has no bearing on logic.
I think that you may encounter three types of people.
1. Those who just don't want to discuss religion in depth anyway, so they will likely not pursue the conversation.
2. Those who are genuinely curious about Buddhism, or at least how you came to be a Buddhist and how this impacts your lifestyle.
3. Those who feel a need to "Save" you.
The first two are not a problem, but the last one is a battle that is pointless to engage in, and would likely only lead to hard feelings. I would simply say I respect their choice in religion, but wish to not discuss it further.