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Letting go to get.
I'm new to this forum so please forgive me if I placed these questions in an improper thread. They are pressing on my mind' so here it go's
Wanting abundance in my life has become my "carrot on the stick" for most of my adult life. I know that "wanting" keeps me in perpetual wanting and that I should just let go, but in my mind, letting go equates to giving up. So should I sit and meditate as I am evicted from my home? Should my mantra be, "your will God not mine" every time something go's wrong in my life? All I know is my "wanting" has become my jail cell where I get my three meals a day so that I don't starve and a small bed and toilet so that I can sleep and piss my life away. But what's most agonizing about my jail cell is the small window that shows a better life just out of reach.
Don't get me wrong I am thankful that by the Grace of God I have a car, house, job and people who love me, but I squander these blessings away everyday worrying about how I'm going to make ends meet this month even though I somehow manage every month and year. I read somewhere that in Buddhism the meaning of life is suffering and that Jesus said we must bear the cross, so should I just accept my lot in life and bear and grin? Should I just live off the scraps given by life and be thankful because so many are given less? Sorry for shoulding all over myself but I know that I have the God given power to manifest abundance in my life but how in the world do I do it without "wanting it" while the bill collectors are knocking on my door?
Wanting abundance in my life has become my "carrot on the stick" for most of my adult life. I know that "wanting" keeps me in perpetual wanting and that I should just let go, but in my mind, letting go equates to giving up. So should I sit and meditate as I am evicted from my home? Should my mantra be, "your will God not mine" every time something go's wrong in my life? All I know is my "wanting" has become my jail cell where I get my three meals a day so that I don't starve and a small bed and toilet so that I can sleep and piss my life away. But what's most agonizing about my jail cell is the small window that shows a better life just out of reach.
Don't get me wrong I am thankful that by the Grace of God I have a car, house, job and people who love me, but I squander these blessings away everyday worrying about how I'm going to make ends meet this month even though I somehow manage every month and year. I read somewhere that in Buddhism the meaning of life is suffering and that Jesus said we must bear the cross, so should I just accept my lot in life and bear and grin? Should I just live off the scraps given by life and be thankful because so many are given less? Sorry for shoulding all over myself but I know that I have the God given power to manifest abundance in my life but how in the world do I do it without "wanting it" while the bill collectors are knocking on my door?
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Comments
But there's no doubt a big difference between "enough" and "abundance".
My teacher tells us that the thought that others have it better than us is an illusion. They too, suffer. There IS no better life ... others' lives only look better from the outside. Sometimes it is hard to believe this is true, but if you think about the three types of suffering you will see that NO ONE is exempt.
And you ARE incredibly fortunate ... you didn't specifically say, but I'm assuming you have enough to eat every day, are in good health and free from physical pain. You don't sleep in a bag with a drawstring to keep the bugs off your body. You don't worry about getting shot by snipers when you go to the well to get your daily water ... or those you love getting shot. AND you have a house, a car, and ... most importantly ... people who love you. How fortunate.
But if you're engaged in "right livelihood", there should be nothing wrong with having a life that you simply enjoy, especially if you're focused on helping others after you take appropriate care of yourself. Remember- if you don't take appropriate care of yourself, then you aren't as available to help others.
Being a conduit for blessing sounds like right livelihood to me.
I think I hear what you're asking, with these notions of abundance and giving up on the vision outside the window. There are a couple of practical areas of examination I think might help.
The first is the notion that before you can help others, you must help yourself. This isn't greed, this is a wise understanding that before you can actually be of service, you have to tend to your own self, because then you can be open and loving enough to help others from a place of stability. The metaphor here that is common is the masks on an airplane. You know how they always tell people to put their own mask on before helping others? This is because the connection you make to your own mask protects you from falling to the same ills as others. Does that make sense?
The next idea that might help is to clarify to yourself what it is you're looking for. Right now it sounds like you have a glimpse into the kind of life that you wish you could live, with the kind of attitudes and so forth that are more genuine to your heart than you are at the present. You might call it submitting yourself to be in God's service? This is great, and a noble and sensible thing to do. Working to become more compassionate is a worthy goal.
As with other big goals, it is good to write them out, so you can see where you are and where you would like to be. Don't be too critical, just honest with who you are and what you want to work on. Then write it out. As you reflect on what you've written, you might see ways to improve, that are small steps. These small steps are all you will ever take, so instead of looking for a big change, just take small steps.
Try to think of ways to be more kind to your family... and do one or two of them. Try to see where you get angry, and work to confront one of those moments a day. Little things. Steady strokes toward the other shore will get you there. You just have to break it down and keep at it. Change isn't usually like a lightning bolt, its like the eroding of a mountain. Your persistence to see that vision of yourself realized can fuel you.
With warmth,
Matt
Trungpa Rinpoche:
I just read that the Buddhist do not believe in a deity so I hope my illustration is not too confusing or inappropriate.
A foolish man decides to end his life because he's believes that when he dies a mansion will be given to him and a hundred virgins will tend to his every whim. So he puts a rope around his neck but by the grace of God the rope breaks. So he then decides to step in front of a moving truck, but by the grace of God the driver hits the breaks sparing his life once again. Anyway, you see where I'm going with this. Try as he might, his foolish efforts to take his life are frustrated by God's desire for a greater purpose in his life. Sometimes I look back at what I wanted and thank God for not giving it to me because what I got was so much better so why do I insist on an outcome instead of letting life flow or just have faith things will work out for the greater good? Is there something in Buddhism to account for this flow and my resistance to it? I believe this is what lies at the heart of my abundance issue.
Personally, I believe that kamma (intentional actions and their results) is a natural law. If we act with wholesome intentions by body, speech or mind then it will be for our own benefit and for the benefit of others. If we act with unwholesome intentions then the results will also be unwholesome. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that we reap what we sow and I know that this belief is shared in Christianity too.
Misfortune will come our way from time to time whether it is God testing us or whether it is the result of some unwholesome kamma we generated in the past or whether "shit just happens" is not as important as the way we respond to what we are experiencing. Kamma, as I understand it, is a continually evolving dynamic process. But the Buddha said that not many people can see exactly how kamma operates, so for me it is a matter of faith.
Whether or not we reap what we sow due to a God or due to some impersonal natural law really doesn't seem that important to me, what is more important is applying this principle in how we interact with ourselves and others. Forget the past. Are we acting in a wholesome way, now, in this moment? Or are we acting in an unwholesome way, now, in this moment? Are we creating greater peace of mind for ourselves and others or are we causing more restlessness, disharmony and frustration? This is one of the most important parts of both Buddhist and Christian practice, in my opinion.
Basically is the past and present karmic attachment of I, physically, mentally and all existence. It will even post a hindrance in rebirth as heavenly beings. Psychologically, your thankful towards God helps you to achieve some solace in your daily encounters, in your Grace of God love.
Om Mani Padme Hum:)