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I was close to death today.
This afternoon I delivered a pizza to the hospital just as the woman in the room was dying. It turned the volume down on my world for a little while, and made any problems I was having seem insignificant. I hope she died peacefully.
My first thought was of impermanence, and how one day that will be all of us. It was so strange to be experiencing the day so differently than that woman and her family. I thought of how all of us get caught up in versions of our own world, and that people are experiencing grief and sorrow whether we are aware of it or not. It's strange how the world can house so many different emotions at the same time and not fall apart. The job I was doing didn't seem so important when compared to the loss of life.
Just thought I'd share.
My first thought was of impermanence, and how one day that will be all of us. It was so strange to be experiencing the day so differently than that woman and her family. I thought of how all of us get caught up in versions of our own world, and that people are experiencing grief and sorrow whether we are aware of it or not. It's strange how the world can house so many different emotions at the same time and not fall apart. The job I was doing didn't seem so important when compared to the loss of life.
Just thought I'd share.
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Comments
Hope she had a great life.
I have pondered, off and on, at this strange Western civilization I live in where most people never witness birth or death. We are so cut off from the fundamentals of life.
I have never witnessed the process of death, except the death of bugs and fish. But I have come close to dying myself, and I have found that when you are slipping near the edge ... well, it reminds me of when I flew into a strange and foreign country, then boarded a bus for my destination ... I sat there and watched the unfamiliar pass by me outside the window, not particularly thinking of anything, and everything feeling a bit unreal.
I suppose that it was a fortunate encounter. And we are so cut off from death. The things we fear the most of never talked about. As if speaking about them will somehow cause them.
You are never more than a glimpse from death, at any time.
your own.
The unpredictability of life dictates that for everyone, there is no planning or forecast to accurately predict your passing from this Life.
I "take tea With Yama" every day.
Sometimes, he is so tiny and unassuming, he fits into the smallest pocket of my jeans.
At other times he is a formidable behemoth, terrifying and imposing, and terrible to behold, but invincible in his protection of me.
Either way, he is never more distant from me, than the tip of my own nose.
And I have a small and neat nose, if I say so myself.....;)
When I almost died, it was like I realized what I needed to do with my life. I hope I get more in touch with that.
I think you're correct, we do seem to be cut off from this. Any one of us could die today or tommorow.
Oh no, something else to worry about..
P
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
The first time I heard this in the teachings, my teacher was talking about coming to the West and seeing all these people loading up on Xmas wrapping paper during the post-Xmas sales.
He thought it was so VERY strange, all this gathering on the assumption that they would necessarily be alive at the next Xmas.
Now I can't buy post-Xmas wrapping paper without thinking about the folly!
I had never thought of that but it makes perfect sense.
A monk developed a psychic power through his practice of meditation that allowed him to see Yama, the Lord Of Death, as he came for those about to die. He even became friends with Yama, and asked Yama to give him a warning before his own death so he could properly prepare for it. Then one day Yama came and told him, now is your time to die. The monk was flustered and said, I thought you said you were going to warn me. Yama replied, I did warn you. Didn't you see how those you knew died?
Dudjom Rinpoche was driving past a beautifu cemetery in France. His wife said "Look how everything in the west is so clean and neat. Even the places the where they keep corpses are spotless."
"Ah yes" he replied, "that's true. They have have such marvelous houses for dead corpses. But haven't you noticed? They have such wonderful houses for living corpses too!"
Fr. the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.
Yah, its engrained in you on the playground at grade school age. "No don't talk about that. It might jinx you"
I find it odd that so many people think like that in a culture that's supposedly governed by platonic rationalism. Really its a hybrid of a lot of contradictory things. Probably all cultures are like that to an extent.
at first, i thought she was already dead...but then she gave the faintest sign she was still alive. i did everything within my power to make her comfortable in her last moments, including trying to express my love for her and making her feel safe and not alone. it was maybe an hour before she actually passed and it was very... emotional... interesting? her body stiffened, she reached out, possibly seizuring, and then just... was gone... just like that. i knew. like someone had just blown out her flame.
i loved her very much and i was very sad that she passed, but i was happy that i was able to be there for her in that way...whether it was helpful to her or not, i'll never know. but rats do become quite attached to humans, so i like to think so. at the moment though, i felt very impressed with death. it bridges the gap between human and animal.
We are constantly being reborn from moment to moment and from one day to the next.
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