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Disturbed by freakish rumors

NamelessRiverNamelessRiver Veteran
edited July 2010 in General Banter
So information has come to me that someone I know and (used?) to have some respect for has been convicted in the past for child molestation. I am not sure if it is a true rumor, although it sounds believable :-/ (I know people like to gossip, but how often someone comes to you and says "this person over there has been convicted and arrested for child molestation and it happened like this"? It is not an accusation that is thrown around lightly).

I don't know...it is one thing when you hear people saying "I've heard that this person is talking crap about you behind your back" because you can easily dismiss it as a lie, but when I heard the accusation above it kind of got to me.

Now, whenever I look at this individual, even in photos, I just get this weird feeling, I don't know how to describe it, it's like I am chewing on a lemon or drinking really cold water that makes my teeth hurt, and at the same time I get this weird reality shock because, well, I have to admit it, when someone commits a heinous crime you expect them to be essentially a criminal, but for me, this person was essentially a good person, a very kind and nice person indeed.

Anyways I didn't feel I could tell this to anybody in real life because I am afraid it might not be true but I needed to get it off my chest because it is freaking me out.

Also, now that I've come to know this, this person seems to be quite friendly towards youngsters...but then again it might be nothing. OMG I am so suspicious but I can't tell anybody.

Do you think I should just ask him directly? Should I tell anyone? What about the kids around them? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Comments

  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited July 2010
    NR,

    I can see how difficult this kind of thing could be. Child molestation is so heinous (as you put it) that it could very quickly blind us to our compassion. That you're pausing before getting fully swept into your judgement is great!

    In my opinion, the first thing I think you should look for is loving kindness toward that person. It is a twisted mind that could do such a thing, and often is because they were a victim, and the abuse they suffered was treated poorly and never healed. Its a really sad situation for all people who are connected to it, not just the children.

    If you have children, or notice that he is trusted with children, then it might be best to talk to him privately, without any inner hatred for him. Saying something like "I heard that you have a troubled history, what is that about?" or "I heard something that's been troubling me and would really like to hear your side" could open the door to let you understand what happened to him without dividing your heart against him, or his against you. Sometimes, when others have acceptance and forgiveness for our mistakes, it helps us to evolve past them.

    You can also look him up on an offender's registration database, depending on your area. If he was convicted, as the rumor suggested, then he will be on it with the type of crime he committed. Sometimes people are committed and dealt with harshly where it might be more forgivable. For instance, I have seen a 17 year old boy (with a 15 year old girl) that was arrested and convicted because the parents were adamant. I'm not good with moral declaratives, but it is best to look at what happened and go from there, rather than assuming his actions were malicious.

    I hope you find some peace of mind.

    With warmth,

    Matt
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited July 2010
    Sounds like an excellent opportunity to practice equanimity. As to validating the rumor, such convictions are generally a matter of public record. Look him up on Lexis-Nexis or something.
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited July 2010
    If you believe this rumour to be true and believe that children could be at risk, it would be best to talk straight with the person. However if this rumour is not true, merely knowing there is such a rumour would be devastating for the person. So be absolutely certain on both counts, this persons history, and risk to children. It's a tough call.

    If I may say, in this kind of intense encounter the best talk seems to be clear and straight without aggression, but not "gentle" and "compassionate".
  • AeonuniversalisAeonuniversalis
    edited July 2010
    Richard H wrote: »
    If you believe this rumour to be true and believe that children could be at risk, it would be best to talk straight with the person. However if this rumour is not true, merely knowing there is such a rumour would be devastating for the person. So be absolutely certain on both counts, this persons history, and risk to children. It's a tough call.

    If I may say, in this kind of intense encounter the best talk seems to be clear and straight without aggression, but not "gentle" and "compassionate".

    I agree with this. :uphand:
  • zombiegirlzombiegirl beating the drum of the lifeless in a dry wasteland Veteran
    edited July 2010
    do you live in america? and do you know what city/region this person resides in? everyone convicted of a sexual crime in the US is put on a registry available to the public online. i don't know how recently they started doing this, but it could bring you one step closer to the truth...

    http://www.nsopw.gov/Core/Conditions.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1
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