Gaps in experience lead to tension

Jeffrey

Partly from reading in my course I have started noticing that the gaps in my life when I start one activity and it ends usually produce tension in me. Not knowing what to do or how to settle with the gap. I tend to try to fill space with activity whether it is eating or playing a video game. Although I do sitting meditation it is hard for me to be at loose ends.

Anyone have some advice or stories on this subject? Has anyone else noticed these gaps?

ZendoLord84

what do you mean gaps in your life??

ARe you missing something (like love, spirituality, sadness)?? Or do you actually have blackouts about certain periods of your life??

Jeffrey

No I mean when an experience ends. It could be lunch. And you are at a loss for what to do.

seeker242

For me I have found that the way to really deal with "the gap" is to go into the gap and stay there. Feel the "gap" fully. Immerse yourself in the "gap". (easier said than done). The only real way to understand the gap is to go into it and stay there, imo.

ZendoLord84

I always have something to do....doing nothing is also something to do for me. I really never experienced this 'gap'....I experience boredom once in a while, but then I just go to sleep or go outside and go for a stroll or something...

RichardH

Jeffrey wrote: »

Partly from reading in my course I have started noticing that the gaps in my life when I start one activity and it ends usually produce tension in me. Not knowing what to do or how to settle with the gap. I tend to try to fill space with activity whether it is eating or playing a video game. Although I do sitting meditation it is hard for me to be at loose ends.

Anyone have some advice or stories on this subject? Has anyone else noticed these gaps?

It's a gap in avoiding Dukkha. Settling with the gap would mean making it something acceptable, but it isn't acceptable. That is why we avoid it. It is the last thing "I" want to experience because it deprives "I" of oxygen. This is why it is extremely helpful to formally sit with a group of disciplined practitioners. Thats the point.

Jeffrey

My teacher's writing that made me think about this says that it is a time when its hard not to notice the spaciousness of the mind. Normally we want to think the mind is solid. When we see the space we try to avoid it. The suffering reaction shows that we can go beyond that tendency because we are never truly convinced that reality is so mundane and solid. So matter of fact.

I think thats different words to what you said Richard. It is dukkha I am positive.

What I am struggling with is how can I open to the spaciousness? I wondered if anyone had experience with that. The spaciousness is just the nature of being (empty). My teacher uses that language because she has found it prevents students from getting the wrong nihilistic idea of emptiness.

SherabDorje

Maybe take a look at the Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche video about panic attacks and meditation?

seeker242

What I am struggling with is how can I open to the spaciousness? I wondered if anyone had experience with that.

Yes and most prominently at retreats. At a long retreat, you are pushed into the "gap" where you have no choice but to deal with it. There is no TV to turn on, no video games or computer to play with, no phone to call people with, no distractions at all. You end up just sitting there going "Ok, what now?...this sucks. I'm sooo bored, what the hell am I supposed to do now???, I don't like this at all, when is this going to be over, etc, etc, etc."

After a while you just give up fighting it because it just wears you out and that is when spaciousness comes in by itself. A retreat essentially "pushes you into the gap" and forces you to stay there. It is very helpful to have someone else push you into it because it takes a lot of discipline to push yourself into it. For myself I have not found that one can "create" spaciousness. I have found the spaciousness comes from "surrendering to the gap", so to speak, along with the trust in what the Buddha said to be true which gives one the courage to surrender. "Spaciousness" comes from surrender. This is what I have found anyway.:)

RichardH

I think we're all talking about the same thing. That spaciousness is boring to "I", it gives "I" nothing to hold. When we surrender there is just the spaciousness, no "I", no dukkha. That struggle, yielding and opening happens over and over again, the basic way of being slowly shifts. I still get into into wanting a final release where struggle and duality never return, but it does the next time something rubs me the wrong way. A teacher once called this long process of working with habit energy "turning the tanker".

ThailandTom

This gap is what many people simply call boredom, as people have mentioned previously. It is true that we should delve into these gaps and sometimes accept them, they really help with your spirituality and if you do this more often, you learn a lot about yourself and life in general. Why are those hermits so wise?? Because they live in a cave or up a tree and speak to no one, they do not have a tv or ipod, they have their mind and that is all. They realise things about life and have the time to train the mind, this is what we should do as buddhists regularly.
It is easier said than done, for sure, we all know that. It is why I am going on a self retreat soon and giving myself no choice what so ever. A few days in the hills of thailand with me myself and I. It has began to rain daily so i think monsoon is here, should be a lot of fun lol...

regards, tom

Jeffrey

oh gawd something came into the gap. Now I have stomach flu and headache and allergies.... Oh well theres dukkha for you!

ThailandTom

well, at least now you have something to do :P you need to get well again haha. get well though on a serious note This will pass, your illness will pass so let go of it already in your mind and let your body do the work

tom