Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
My emotional state - any advice?
My first post here so quick self-introduction. I am in my forties, male, a business man with no fortified religious beliefs. Influences of catholicism, Greek philosophies esp stoicism, and, more recently, buddhism. I was impressed by Matthieu Ricard's book on happiness. Have yet to take the step to join a buddhist community. No question though, buddhism seems the only credible option, so put it down to inertia.
Right now I am in a very disturbed state and hope someone can give advice. As I write this, I am still wiping tears off my face. What caused this was an article I just read about a dog that was found terribly abused. I do not want to disturb anyone else here so I am not going to replicate the details but let's just say the abuse is of the most terrible kind one can think of. The cruelty of the person or persons who did it is beyond words. Pure evil, if there is such a thing.
Every once in a while, perhaps once or twice a year, I hit this state of mind and it is always caused by reading or hearing about some first-rate cruelty. I have been fortunate enough not to ever witness one of those first hand. The first time it happened was many years ago when I saw on the news a report about a bomb attack on a religious site where people had convened for prayer. Many died. I just stood there and started crying, and was surprised by my own reaction.
I am deeply disturbed, unhappy and perhaps on the verge of depression in moments like this. I wish there was something I could do to help alleviate the suffering but of course there isn't. For the people concerned, or the animal, it is too late. Today for the first time ever I have briefly considered the attractions of suicide. Don't worry - I am not suicidal. I mean this more in a philosophical sense. With things as I mentioned above happening on a regular basis and nothing I can do to stop it, life seems meaningless. If it is meaningless, why bother?
If anyone has experienced a similar state and has found a way of constructively dealing with it, please share.
Right now I am in a very disturbed state and hope someone can give advice. As I write this, I am still wiping tears off my face. What caused this was an article I just read about a dog that was found terribly abused. I do not want to disturb anyone else here so I am not going to replicate the details but let's just say the abuse is of the most terrible kind one can think of. The cruelty of the person or persons who did it is beyond words. Pure evil, if there is such a thing.
Every once in a while, perhaps once or twice a year, I hit this state of mind and it is always caused by reading or hearing about some first-rate cruelty. I have been fortunate enough not to ever witness one of those first hand. The first time it happened was many years ago when I saw on the news a report about a bomb attack on a religious site where people had convened for prayer. Many died. I just stood there and started crying, and was surprised by my own reaction.
I am deeply disturbed, unhappy and perhaps on the verge of depression in moments like this. I wish there was something I could do to help alleviate the suffering but of course there isn't. For the people concerned, or the animal, it is too late. Today for the first time ever I have briefly considered the attractions of suicide. Don't worry - I am not suicidal. I mean this more in a philosophical sense. With things as I mentioned above happening on a regular basis and nothing I can do to stop it, life seems meaningless. If it is meaningless, why bother?
If anyone has experienced a similar state and has found a way of constructively dealing with it, please share.
0
Comments
Welcome. I think we all experience our emotions around things like this differently. I'm a huge animal lover, and hearing, or heaven forbid seeing this type of thing (which I have) always tears my heart out. It's perfectly normal to feel compassion (which is what you're feeling I suspect), and that's a good thing. Much harder would be to feel compassion for the person(s) who did this horrible thing, but that's something we need to try to do as well. Not excuse it or condone it, but feel compassion for the twistedness it takes to do something like that to another living being.
As for being depressed about it - being sad is different from being depressed. It's fine to be sad about it. Have you, can you, or do you want to *do* anything about it? Is it a situation close to you personally? Can you call someone (animal control) or confront the abuser(s)? If not, then as His Holiness the Dalai Lama himself has pointed out - if it's something you can't do anything about, don't worry about it. If it is something you can do something about, don't worry about it!
Seriously, feeling your feelings is perfectly normal and perfectly human, and perfectly healthy. Just don't get stuck in them. Recognize them for what they are and go on from there. As you'll almost always find here, meditation is recommended. Suicide over the actions of another makes no sense. How can you go about changing the situation if you've offed yourself? If it's truly too late for the animal(s) involved, then their suffering in this life is over. The people involved are undoubtedly continuing to suffer, and likely will continue to do so for a long time to come. But that's their suffering, not yours.
Look for beauty and compassion around you. It's everywhere. Give compassion and it comes back to you. Don't cling to the negative emotion of what you experienced. Just experience it and let it pass.
I wish you the best...
Mtns
Your natural compassion is striking and worthy of cultivation.
There is sadly nothing you can do to directly influence the past of that animal. It is sad, and abuse is a tragic part of our world. What you can do is use this moment as inspiration to overcome your inertia, so that you engage more seriously in a practice. This will help the world become one suffering mind lighter, and who knows what kind of amazing ripples could come from your actions in the world, were you to be able to open your ample and loving heart upon the business world!
When something terrible has happened, it can seem depressing at first because we were unable to see a world free from such bizarre and twisted events. Instead of being depressed and wiping tears from your face, you could, if you so wished, use those hands to roll up your sleeves and get to work making the world a better place, one moment at a time. It starts with your own mind, and there is no better time to do it then right this moment. In working with your mind, you will naturally become more skillful at helping others, and through your compassionate touch upon their world, perhaps help an animal that would otherwise have an angry owner.
With warmth,
Matt
The questions you ask are based on the view that human consciousness is black and white bad versus good and so on. Reactions and attachments to the violence is not helpful and does cause great distress, it haunts the mind and continues the disturbance like a horrible echo on the screen of consciousness. I understand that.
I think the path that does not swerve from remaining conscious and being aware of suffering without reacting and harming one's mind. One can become fixed on such matters by reading real life horror stories. How can a person reconcile such violence is in the main one's own responsibility.
Responsiveness is a way forward and appreciates the situation at a deeper level by not reacting or being attached to the violence and simply being a witness by acknowledging what is experienced by you. I like St Francis words of serenity when these issues confront me finding the courage to change the things we can and acceptance of that which we cannot and have the wisdom to know the difference. We can make a difference by honoring the death, lighting a candle and giving up the greater problem to a higher power.
I think when we are accepting we receive some grace and can lovingly appreciate the soul of the one who suffered. Ignorance deserves to be ignored. We are all challenged today in witnessing wanton cruelty and I think that the fixation on that actually maintains it. What we attend to we reinforce, the mind is a powerful force and can shift from these conflicting views of exaltation versus degradation, this is about you to meet with the deeper knowing ask yourself some questions about this need to attach to what is most violent? I know I need to find a way to practice life affirming actions, breathing in the awareness of the rise and fall of air in the body, charging ones self with the Quinta Essential spirit of consciousness.
I respect your heartfelt grief.
Namastay from Janet
I would like to pick up on something that Mountains wrote. He (or she?) wrote that s/he "suspected" I feel compassion for the animal, and by this comment implied that I might possibly not be feeling compassion. So I began analyzing more closely what I feel. It is a veritable storm of different emotions. I do feel utterly sorry for what the animal has been suffering. I wish I could alleviate its pain, better even undo what has happened. If I were in a position to help the creature (which I am not because this has happened thousands of miles away from here in another country) I would drop everything else and do it. So is that compassion? I assume yes. But apart from that there is much else. There is the helplessness and frustration I already described. There is anger coupled with a wish to punish the people that did it. I am not sure about sadness. And perhaps above all there is a desire to make it all go away. I wish there were a remote control or button somewhere I could push to undo this so that it doesn't trouble me anymore. Yes: this is about me, not the animal.
To sum it up, there is compassion, yes, but there is also a (selfish?) desire not to be troubled like this.
To those of you who encourage me to use this as a trigger point to get serious about developing my spiritual practice, join a community, involve myself more in altruistic activities: Yes. I will.
I also recommend actively cultivating compassion for the one who abused the dog. This may sound backwards to you, but...I don't know, I guess it just makes sense to me now, but the way you treat others is the way you treat yourself. I know from experience that when I'm being nice to people it goes hand in hand with my feeling great, and when I'm nasty or indifferent it's because I'm really anxious or in a bad mood. And there's always ignorance, but then still there's karma.
What she said. :uphand:
Don't worry about that rare lost dog. The pain is over now and if it could see you it would say: 'Don't cry for me; I'm so very far away'. Outdoors there is a very different world to the one in your head, or the one in Newspapers, and it's one you have control over. Overcome your helplessness and look to what you can do and get involved in.
I have a quote on my wall that sorta relates to this:
"Murderers are not monsters, they're men. And that's the most frightening thing about them."
— Alice Sebold
It contrasts with the "feel compassion towards the wrongdoer" perspective, yes, but I find myself referencing this bit of insight all the time to remind myself: The "worst" people the world has to offer are still made of the same carbon goo and such that I am. They may have some kind of mental distinction that makes them act in ways that seem completely unreal to me, but... like it or not, such people are still not that different, physiologically. Makes ya' think. And it's sure as heck not too comforting for someone in the thread creator's position, but part of the core of Buddhism as I currently understand it is directly facing these uncomfortable truths (through meditation/mindfulness) and growing to accept them, and in that, I wish the thread creator luck
Finally I find it interesting how the word dog is God spelled backwards. Since time immemorial the ancient peoples of this land were gifted with the presence of the wild dingo who hung about their camps and befriended the peoples. The Egyptians also revered the Dog and created a deity in it's honor. These are the mysteries we live with it seems and my fella gave me a gift I would not have expected from a dog, in that release of unbearable suffering I had contained since a child. I miss his presence and honour his passing, I am grateful for this place in which the intensity of feeling as sentient beings we can share. For here I share the personal evolution from grief and loss to appreciating the meaning of pure love. Thank you. FROM JANET
I am very sorry for your loss
Matt
Peace
Mtns
http://newbuddhist.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5779