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LOVE

daveysmithdaveysmith
edited August 2010 in Buddhism Today
I've had casual relationships with many women. but not real love till now. I just haven't seen a future with anyone yet. Does real love exist? Will there be a time when I look into a girl's eyes and know she is the one for me?

Comments

  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited August 2010
    "Your future is...
























































































































    ...uncertain."

    - Ajahn Chah
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited August 2010
    daveysmith wrote: »
    I've had casual relationships with many women. but not real love till now. I just haven't seen a future with anyone yet. Does real love exist? Will there be a time when I look into a girl's eyes and know she is the one for me?

    Hopefully, when you look into a woman's eyes you will see her, and not be busy projecting futures for yourself. She is beautiful, and it is worthwhile to still your brain so you will look at her. Love is real, of course, and with time you can nurture it for everyone.

    With love,

    Matt
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2010
    daveysmith wrote: »
    I've had casual relationships with many women. but not real love till now. I just haven't seen a future with anyone yet. Does real love exist? Will there be a time when I look into a girl's eyes and know she is the one for me?
    It depends how you define 'real Love'.
    Any kind of love is 'real' while it is manifest.

    What kind of 'love' are you thinking of?

    Because it - as with anything else - is transitory, no matter how real, no matter how 'fake', no matter how intense, no matter how superficial.
  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Exactamente, dear Fede. The only "real" love is the love for all sentient beings equally.

    Palzang
  • daveysmithdaveysmith
    edited August 2010
    federica wrote: »
    It depends how you define 'real Love'.
    Any kind of love is 'real' while it is manifest.

    What kind of 'love' are you thinking of?

    Because it - as with anything else - is transitory, no matter how real, no matter how 'fake', no matter how intense, no matter how superficial.

    well, I don't see any future with the girls I am with now. I have doubts and I'm uncertain. In real love I hopefully won't have those doubts and uncertainty.
  • daveysmithdaveysmith
    edited August 2010
    aMatt wrote: »
    Hopefully, when you look into a woman's eyes you will see her, and not be busy projecting futures for yourself. She is beautiful, and it is worthwhile to still your brain so you will look at her. Love is real, of course, and with time you can nurture it for everyone.

    With love,

    Matt

    yes. I too hope so. I know a lot of girls I like but none that I love.
  • daveysmithdaveysmith
    edited August 2010
    GuyC wrote: »
    "Your future is...

    ...uncertain."

    - Ajahn Chah

    isn't everyone's future uncertain?? or is there anyone who knows what is in store for him.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2010
    daveysmith wrote: »
    well, I don't see any future with the girls I am with now. I have doubts and I'm uncertain. In real love I hopefully won't have those doubts and uncertainty.

    False.
    Even in real love, there will be doubts, uncertainties, ups and downs...In real love - as with any love - the future is uncertain, and you will doubt yourself, and at times, her.
    This is natural, because neither of you are, ever have been or ever will be, the same people two days running.
    Do not seek perfection in ther fickle and changeable emotions of a passion that will doubtless fluctuate and wane.
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Here is a description of "real love" in the sense you are talking about of daveysmith. You meet someone, you resonate with each other on a profound level of shared values and your shared sense of the world. You know each other. You live together, grow together, respect each other, trust each other, and love each other enough to leave each other to be individuals. Your relationship is a big enough container to hold who you both really are and not just your nice self images. From this relationship maybe you have children, and share in sacrificing your freedom and strength to raise the little buggers, who you love unconditionally just the same. You are lovers long after all your sexy parts are shiny and new. You are with each other through illness and suffer to hold each other in death.

    Yes there is "real love", whether it comes to everybody is uncertain. but just as it is tragic for people to cling to the hope of real love in the manner of a "happy ever after" fairytale, it is tragic to be cynical on the issue. Real love is an attachment, and it hurts in direct proportion to the strength of that love. If you choose to engage the world in that way you have to know the deal. It is samsara after all.
  • DazzleDazzle
    edited August 2010
    .


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4F0FySgybg



    ;)
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Dazzle wrote: »
    .


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4F0FySgybg



    ;)
    Bet it's wickedly funny, but the vid is blocked from viewing in Canada due to copyright issues.
  • DazzleDazzle
    edited August 2010
    Oh that's a shame. It's the Eurythmics with Annie Lennox in various wigs and outfits singing "Love is a Stranger "

    Saw her sitting in front of me at a Buddhist centre once, years ago.


    :)
  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Blocked in the US too for the same reason.

    Palzang
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    edited August 2010
    daveysmith wrote: »
    I've had casual relationships with many women. but not real love till now. I just haven't seen a future with anyone yet. Does real love exist? Will there be a time when I look into a girl's eyes and know she is the one for me?

    Oh yes real love does exist friend, But not in the way you envision it. :)
    The love as taught by Buddha is an all pervasis love that wishes all beings happiness. This is perfect love.

    The love you are looking for, Love-mixed with worldly attachment only leads futher to suffering, As it is due to end and cause pain as all Samsaric things do.

    You can search for it and not find it, You have it and then it is taken from you. Welcome to Samsara. :sadc:
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited August 2010
    caz namyaw wrote: »
    The love you are looking for, Love-mixed with worldly attachment only leads futher to suffering, As it is due to end and cause pain as all Samsaric things do.
    A "Bodhisattva" suffers worldly attachment. If you take the vows you take the deal. The Bodhisattva path involves attachment, call it what you will. I find it odd when other Mahayanists don't acknowledge that.
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Richard H wrote: »
    A "Bodhisattva" suffers worldly attachment. If you take the vows you take the deal. The Bodhisattva path involves attachment, call it what you will. I find it odd when other Mahayanists don't acknowledge that.

    I certainly do, though I wonder if the intent of compassion is 'mixed' with self-clinging, or if there is a simple, intended deviation from other virtuous actions that help the bodhisattva to remain incarnate. It might well be plausible to nail your foot to the floor, and yet your heart remains pure from self arising intention. What do you think?
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2010
    Richard H wrote: »
    A "Bodhisattva" suffers worldly attachment. If you take the vows you take the deal. The Bodhisattva path involves attachment, call it what you will. I find it odd when other Mahayanists don't acknowledge that.
    I disagree. A Bodhisattva experiences worldly attachments - but does not suffer through them, or because of them.
    If you take the vow, you are a Bodhisattva, but you transcend attachment and suffering, and know what the deal is, and experience it without clinging.
    You can be attached to something without being 'Attached' to it.....
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited August 2010
    aMatt wrote: »
    I certainly do, though I wonder if the intent of compassion is 'mixed' with self-clinging, or if there is a simple, intended deviation from other virtuous actions that help the bodhisattva to remain incarnate. It might well be plausible to nail your foot to the floor, and yet your heart remains pure from self arising intention. What do you think?
    Honestly Matt, I don't know. Maybe not self clinging, but certainly an investment of some kind. There is also hint an higher equinimity in suffering attachment in full awareness of it's perfection. For instance, if your spouse dies you suffer grief and know that grief is correct. Nothing is ultimately "wrong", but maybe this is just musing.


    Edit: ......it isn't just musing, it's a truth.
  • RichardHRichardH Veteran
    edited August 2010
    federica wrote: »
    I disagree. A Bodhisattva experiences worldly attachments - but does not suffer through them, or because of them.
    If you take the vow, you are a Bodhisattva, but you transcend attachment and suffering, and know what the deal is, and experience it without clinging.
    You can be attached to something without being 'Attached' to it.....
    Are you saying you are attached, but not attached to the consequences? You suffer the attachment but don't attach to the suffering?

    Edit: ....Ok think I see where you are coming from. You are not saying a Bodhisattva experiences no grief, sympathetic suffering etc, because this is not the case. It is that these state arise and cease without attachment. There is definitely no churning or proliferating.
  • AllbuddhaBoundAllbuddhaBound Veteran
    edited August 2010
    daveysmith wrote: »
    I've had casual relationships with many women. but not real love till now. I just haven't seen a future with anyone yet. Does real love exist? Will there be a time when I look into a girl's eyes and know she is the one for me?

    In the Buddhist perspective, hopefully you have had love with all of these casual relationships. Compassion is real love.

    I had a girlfriend who loved everyone. She told me she loved me, but then she says but I love everyone and I believe she did. Now I had a problem with this because I was grasping and I wanted her to love me exclusively, but as I have grown, I understand what she meant.

    Compassion and caring are keys to love from the Buddhist perspective. Can you have compassion and caring for someone yet never want to see them again? Yes, I think so. Can you have compassion and caring for someone who has hurt you and you don't want to experience that again? Yes, that is quite possible. Can you have compassion and caring for a partner you will spend your life with? Yes, absolutely. There are lots of opportunities to love others. Buddhism has much to do with love so yes, real love does exist.
  • daveysmithdaveysmith
    edited August 2010
    it would take time to come in terms with that but I think I can live with that.
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