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What to Do When You Feel That You Are Of No Use?

ajani_mgoajani_mgo Veteran
edited October 2005 in Buddhism Today
OK I'm sure this is a common situation all of us face, Buddhists or not...

Your friend or close one has faced a difficult problem, and you cannot even understand it... Even if you do, you can't help him or her... Under this scenario, you feel totally useless...

Any thoughts on this one? Usually I just try my best and if I can't solve the problem, well, at least I did try and I won't let that sadden me.

Comments

  • JasonJason God Emperor Arrakis Moderator
    edited October 2005
    Two words: Let go.

    An easy phrase to say, but very difficult to actually do.

    There are times in life when you notice that nothing is ever perfect. No matter how much you try to have everything planned out, no matter how much you want to be helpful, no matter how much you work towards achieving the goals which you feel will bring you happiness, no matter how often you attempt to have a concrete conclusion to your thoughts, dreams, and ambitions - nothing will ever be perfect.

    The only reason they will cause you stress is your expectations. You expect things to be a certain way, however, the nature of life is constant change and uncertainty (anicca). Nothing can ever be the way you "want" it to be. All you can really do is try the best you can will the cards you are dealt with (past kamma). If you can help people in a positive way then you should. If you can't there is no reason to feel guilty. There is simple nothing you can do. This could seem impossible to overcome because you may harbor so much regret and ill-will towards yourself, but you must forgive yourself. Let all of the things that have happened in the past go. Let all of the the things in the present that you are unable to control go. Let all of the expectations that you have for the future also go. Just try to live in the present and do what you can. Remember, you're only human. Humans are limited and fragile creatures, no matter what they may want to believe. That's the truth.

    When life really begins to bring me down there is a mantra that I find helpful to remember sometimes - "This too shall pass."

    Jason
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited October 2005
    A very good friend of mine in the uk, very popular and well-liked generally, lost her mother to cancer, after a long and painful struggle. She was very saddened, as she and her mother had always been very close. I met her shortly after her bereavement, and she was surrounded by people all expressing their sorrow to her. I simply walked up to her, and hugged her warmly, waiting for her to let go and release from this embrace when she was ready.
    I will confess now, that I adopted this idea from a book on death and bereavement. It seemed like very good and sound advice.
    She told me later that this was one of the most touching things that happened to her. A simple communication through a hug, is what she needed at that point.
    Sometimes to be there is all we can do. And sometimes to just be there is the best we can do. Words matter little to the injured soul. Support and companionship are what count.
  • ajani_mgoajani_mgo Veteran
    edited October 2005
    Someone remind me again why do I always forget the concept of annica?

    I heard of it so many times, yet I always forget to introduce it to friends who feel that way... OK, I'll try it next time...

    It sorts of reminds me of the story of the two medicine monks... I regret to say that I have forgotten where I heard it from, and also is not sure whether or not the story I remember is the story I once heard... Here it goes...

    Two monks, a young and innocent, and an an old and wise, were both experts in medicine. They cured people seperately, and always gave the same medicine for the same illnesses e.g. cold, fever...

    However, the others in the sangha soon noted that those under the old monk's care recovered fast, while those under the young monk's care worsened, even died.

    The Buddha heard of this incident and decided to question the two monks. He summoned them by his side and asked them about how they cured their patients.

    The young one said, "I give them the medicine, and I tell them, life is full of sufferring, so they should not worry over their illness and live along..."

    The old one said, "I give them the medicine, and I tell them, life is ever-changing and nothing stays forever, so this illness will be gone soon."

    :wavey:
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