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ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
edited August 2010 in Buddhism Basics
hello sangha.

I would prefer not to dedicate en entire post to this topic, but if I started gabbling on in another thread, it would be considered ''off topic''.
I just need some help and a listening ear or two. I would normally speak to friends but back in the UK it is saturday night thus they are all out, also the people I know here are out and my one english friend asleep as he has lessons to plan for monday, my mother has not turned up and we were meant to talk tonight, which is unlike her, she is very punctual.

If I was in England tonight I probably would have gone back to my old ways and submitted to a substance or two, getting totally out of it and numbing my mind. Instead, I drank 4 bottles of beer, something I have not done for a while.
I feel as if I need to numb my mind right now, I feel alone, I feel very unhappy and the familiar feeling of torture resonates through my existence when I think of my ex.

What makes matters worse is that I know deep down what is best for me that the dharma is my chosen path, but right now I have stumbled into the bushes and am rambling around the wilderness.
It seems like it is a game of yoyo where I will probably wake up 2moro feeling average or ok, then this moment will inevitably arrive grinning back at me.

Comments

  • LesCLesC Bermuda Veteran
    edited August 2010
    I am British, but I'm not sure why you feel you need to speak to people back in the UK... or did I misinterpret that. But I'm a listening ear... you can PM me if you like...
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited August 2010
    I am british too.. I moved to thailand about 6 month ago. I was just saying like 95% of the people I know and friends I have live there...
  • CristinaCristina
    edited August 2010
    Hi Tom. Sorry you're in a rough state.

    I think it's good that you realize that these things come and go. That this too will pass, and inevitably rise again in the future. Accepting that this happens is, paradoxically, the only way to be free of it.

    I would suggest trying to be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up with the dharma, even if it is your chosen path. Always remember that first and foremost, happiness and peace is your chosen path. And even if you've decided following the dharma is the best way to achieve these things, it can be easy to forget why. I know that happens to me all the time. And then I get a little reminder, usually in the form of some uncomfortable state of being. And then I remember, "oh, right, that's why these things are important. This is what the real meaning is." So the most important thing to do is watch. Keep looking, and use whatever you are experiencing to learn something about life and about yourself.

    I often say, "gosh, here I go again, same old patterns, let's see if it works this time...probably not. Probably going to end up like it always does..." I guess I'm not really sure, but I think that as long as we pay attention to what we're doing, real wisdom begins to grow and soon we won't need willpower to make the decisions that we know are best for us. Just do your best to cultivate compassion for yourself and then see what you do to be kind to yourself. When compassion and wisdom come together like that, well, I think that's when real kindness happens.

    Anyway, I hear you man. You'll feel better in time. And then you'll feel worse again. And then better, and then worse... :) Just remember you're not alone, that everyone goes through these things, and that it's completely normal and okay. And in any situation, you can always rest on the breath and marvel at how fragile you are and wonderful it is that you are alive. You can rest in the peace of your body, working and doing its thing, completely natural and without defilements. A good example for your mind.

    Best wishes. We are always here when you need to talk.
  • nlightennlighten Explorer
    edited August 2010
    I think we all have these types of moments, feeling like we want to get away and seek some refuge from the inevitable suffering that accompanies our karma and torments our lives. But to seek true refuge from the suffering we must seek truth in the form of enlightenment and not in escapism's. When I feel this way I try and remind myself to seek refuge in the three precious jewels: the Buddha, the Sangha, and the Dharma
    and appreciate the moment for what it is, a reminder of the reason why we practice. Our determination and dedication sometimes rises and falls like the waves of the samsaric ocean, but we can use this ocean to sail across on the vehicles of Buddhism to the shores of enlightenment.
  • PietroPumokinPietroPumokin
    edited August 2010
    in the midst of suffering and sorrow , taking a SEAT and sitting down for just enough time can be a much needed bresh of freth air BREATH OF FRreash air... usually when i feel bad and i am in a mood not to meditate working up the discipline to sit through all the samsara sloppy wetness going on in the head at the time will result in a great feeling of release, due to the extreme nature of the mind's emotion, and how meditating, sincere meditating, when it tugs on that huge pile of suffering it will have a huge slingshot effect, and it will feel really good.
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Thanks guys, it is helpful to read these calm and logical approaches to the situation. I am to conditioned to escaping and blocking out my suffering. The main problem though falls with my ex. You may not be familiar with the situation there as I have posted something about it before but obviously may not be aware of it. To put it in brief, I met someone who had such an influence in my life and on myself, that when they had to move thousands of miles away I could not bear the situation. But merely communicating over the distance also causes me to suffer. I read what I have written and I see words like, 'myself' or 'my' lol, typically non buddhist values. Anyway, yes this is where a lot of my suffering remains and it does not weaken. It has been more than a year since they moved away and I am still captive within my own mind.
    What you have mentioned though is food for thought :) so thank you
  • FletcherFletcher
    edited August 2010
    Tom did the 4 bottles of beer contribute to you feeling low? I've lived away from England for 8 years I'd like to move back home but it's not going to happen for along time. I could spend my life wishing things were different but time is better spent making the best of what we've got. So my advice would be don't waste time wishing for the impossible who knows how long we've got. You know all this, you don't need telling.
  • BenIsAWayBenIsAWay
    edited August 2010
    Tom,

    Sometimes pain is our biggest ally. That is a truth of life not readily accepted. Somehow pain must run it's purpose. The trick is to be able to see that purpose during the trial. That is perhaps life's biggest challenge.

    Think beyond all that you believe to be important to your happiness in this life.

    Thailand can take some adjusting. But you are in a good place. Let the prevailing mentalities of "jai dee" (good heart/compassion) and "mai pen rai" (no worries) sink in. Absorb the social mentality. There is much to draw on every day.

    With warm regards and understanding..

    Ben in Isaan
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited August 2010
    The beer I had didn't really make me feel worse, I was feeling low in the first place. I prefer living in thailand than the UK, just most of the people I know in my life live back in the UK. I rarely feel lonely but yesterday I had this over whelming feeling of being alone.

    Yea I have to let things be and accept them, realise that I should not fight them or try to block them out. As I predicted, I have woken up feeling a bit better, but the feeling will probably build up again sometime soon..

    Thanks a lot though people, much appreciated :)
  • FletcherFletcher
    edited August 2010
    Have a good day. :)
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited August 2010
    TT,

    Let me share my own loneliness this morning (Sunday 6.20 a.m. in the Cotswolds - a gray day: typical August weather). My beloved (step-)children both live and work now in Thailand. They have been back here, with my (step-)granddaughter, for the holidays. My son went back last week and my daughter and gd flew out at 10 p.m. last night.

    I have picked up the scattered toys and the odd bits of clothing that were left lying around and the house is quiet and neat again.

    I notice the feelings of missing them, of anxiety about their journey and their arrival. I remember that I sent them off with love and with tears. I look at the depth of our love and draw from it the essence that is l’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle ("The Love which moves the sun and the other stars").

    And I am grateful for the practice and for the Triple Jewel of Refuge.
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Thank fletch, I hop everyone has had a pleasant day also :)

    You depicted a very vivid situation simon, I can imagine how you feel. But you also are wise to act in such a way. I still have a very untrained monkey mind and need to turn it around. It is a slow process and I have seen a very slight example of this with the time I have been practicing buddhism, I just fall off the track now and then.

    My problems are minimal compared to what some peole go through, I know this. I just have issues with dealing with them.

    Thanks again though people, nice to hear from down to earth and caring beings :)
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