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Losing reality
I feel so lost in myself, its like I don't know what to do. I have been venturing in myself so much that I've lost touch with reality. I can't stand feeling so alone with this idea. It's like I was slapped in the face and told everything was a lie. I want to be grounded, but I can't do anything about it. Is this supposed to happen? Why has every emotion in my body been gathered and pointed towards the feeling of helplessness?
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Hang in there.
Perhaps you are experiencing things with no way no conceptualize them within a particular framework?
You aren't. You may be alone in your own little world, but you aren't the only one to have experienced this.
You were and it is.
Read this: http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/articles/equanimity/
When I felt the way you do now I abandoned my practice for 3-4 years and the results were not good. I didn't know then what equanimity was or why it should be cultivated. Equanimity allows you to see without being caught up in what you see. It allows you to experience without being caught up in what you experience. It allows you to feel without being caught up in what you feel.
If you feel lost in yourself, then you are feeling and getting caught up in the feeling. You need to be able to feel just as you do now, but not get caught up in that feeling. That's equanimity.
Read the link...slowly and with understanding.
Quiet your mind with meditation and all your problems will disappear.
That's cold.
Many things happen to a mindset during youth....
I know I wasn't a particularly stable-minded young lady in my teens....
So it could be a valid question....
I think it would be helpful if randomguy could give us further insight into what he sees is ailing him, specifically....
Edit.... question clarified by poster as I contributed comment.....
One thing to remember that whatever your experiencing is temporary. It will not last forever, or even for a month i suspect. Might even change tomorrow. In the mean time, you can do somethings that helps take your mind off this helplessness your feeling, and thinking about. One thing to do is literally count your breathing. Start by counting up to 25 times and then start again. Then go up to fifty times and start again, then try to go for 100 times, and start again. This helps disrupt the habit you have of making yourself feel bad.
Another thing to do is go see a doctor if your feelings and thoughts seem too much for you. Depression is a fairly common problem for many people, so do not feel so alone in how your feeling. In fact if your not a little depressed by how the world is going these days, i would say there might really be something "wrong" with you.
But, keep us posted here, and lay it out, how your feeling, and how it is going for you. No one here is any better than you. And we all can relate to your struggle through this time in your life.
close eyes
start visualize (see with mind eye) from head to toes and from toes to head
do this slowly several times
see what happenes
if it works for you (sure it does) continue for few more minutes
I went through things like you described while I was a pot smoker and I started doing what seeker suggested and .. it helps man.
Ah, good for you for letting us know about the marijuana. It's important. Lots of folks over the years have used various mind altering substances to make them feel like they opened a gateway to the gods.
Some drugs really can seem to enhance creativity, cause us to think in new ways and all sorts of wonderful things. Unfortunately, it comes at a price.
Even something as "harmless" as marijuana will remove your ability to genuinely be mindful as long as you are under it's influence and in some cases, after it's direct effects have worn off. I don't know what you 'saw' or experienced while under the influence, but more than likely it was a lie your brain told you and now you are troubled by it. Even if it was rock solid truth, clearly it was truth you were not ready for, right?
If you wish to practice the path the Buddha did I am afraid you will find intoxication 100% counter productive. Not saying a glass of wine once in awhile will hold you back, but allowing yourself to become intoxicated on anything will.
Cease the intoxication and what you are feeling will likely pass soon enough. And so we are perfectly clear, I am not judging you in any way. I have smoked plenty of the green stuff and drank plenty of the liquid stuff. I am not judging, but speaking from personal experience. It's also what the Buddha himself taught. Abstaining from intoxicants is one of the 5 precepts. According to the Buddha little to no spiritual progress can be made by those who don't even attempt to follow them. I have heard he knew what he was talking about
It actually was a bit of a vice-versa event - the hallucinations became quite real, the mind-states may have been clear, but all the symptoms were essentially just giving them a mirror to show how their mind worked - not letting them exist in a 'reality'. Even though the symptoms were real and tangible to the smoker, they weren't real - just another example of how powerful the mind is at creating delusions.
I've never taken any non-medicinal drug other than the usual grog, chocolate and odd cigarette here-and-there, but how I see it is that drugs might let you look through the window, but they hold you back from opening it up and climbing through the pane. Addiction just leads to watching vicariously, perhaps?