Desire

smolin

I am always striving to be happy. I used to think that wisdom is the key to happiness, and not money and tangible things that we have.

I've been wearing the same pair of shoes for 5 years. The soles were worn out, got the cobbler to mend them, and I continue using them. The bag that I use is torn, but it still serves it function, and hence I've yet to find a replacement.

I live in a city that public transport is efficient, and therefore I don't own a car.

My spouse thinks the reason I don't buy new clothes/shoes/bags because I am a miser and I love money. On the contrary, I feel that I don't spend these money because I don't derive much joy from material needs.

Now, I am looking for a job in the military (against my ethical values) because it pays well, so that I can satisfy the desire of my spouse and her family. Desire seems to have small effect on me, yet I am greatly affected by the repercussions of desire.

I am deeply saddened.

Jeffrey

I know that a good number of people consider a courtship like an interview process and a marriage to be a business relationship. Which I thought of when I read this. I am truly sad at how things turn out.

I don't think its 'wrong' to buy a new bag or shoes yet at the same time I see the wisdom in conserving things. I try to save on things that don't matter to me and then I have money for more important things. Although at times I feel I am more of a consumer than you are, well I buy expensive beer quite frequently.

And I don't want to put a heavy moral label on what your spouse is asking because I know she is just expressing his/her wishes to have material goods. I question if you can be ultimately happy as a soldier knowing that you find it moral. All to come up with more cash for your spouse? I guess I am kind of cynical about relationships and resentful of people who want a business partner. And I wish you could find another solution or even a different spouse.

Note: I had to change my post because I had an assumption of the sex of your spouse

fivebells

Why are your wife and her family able to compel you to compromise yourself like this?

FoibleFull

smolin wrote: »

I am always striving to be happy. I used to think that wisdom is the key to happiness, and not money and tangible things that we have.

I've been wearing the same pair of shoes for 5 years. The soles were worn out, got the cobbler to mend them, and I continue using them. The bag that I use is torn, but it still serves it function, and hence I've yet to find a replacement.

I live in a city that public transport is efficient, and therefore I don't own a car.

My spouse thinks the reason I don't buy new clothes/shoes/bags because I am a miser and I love money. On the contrary, I feel that I don't spend these money because I don't derive much joy from material needs.

Now, I am looking for a job in the military (against my ethical values) because it pays well, so that I can satisfy the desire of my spouse and her family. Desire seems to have small effect on me, yet I am greatly affected by the repercussions of desire.

I am deeply saddened.

Everyone is just trying to be happy ... you have your own way, your spouse has a different way. You say that "desire seems to have a small effect" on you, yet you start your post with "I am always striving to be happy", which is also a desire. You are wise to realize that material things do not produce the freedom that the Buddha spoke of ... realize also that the desire for emotional things does not produce freedom either.

I strongly feel that going into the military goes against the "right livelihood" of the Eightfold Path, and that a Buddhist should avoid that at all costs. Even if you do not have a combat role, you are supporting those who will be fighting, and are therefore karmically involved in the killing. Surely there must be other ways to earn an income for your spouse and her family.

seeker242

smolin wrote: »

I am always striving to be happy. I used to think that wisdom is the key to happiness, and not money and tangible things that we have.

I've been wearing the same pair of shoes for 5 years. The soles were worn out, got the cobbler to mend them, and I continue using them. The bag that I use is torn, but it still serves it function, and hence I've yet to find a replacement.

I live in a city that public transport is efficient, and therefore I don't own a car.

My spouse thinks the reason I don't buy new clothes/shoes/bags because I am a miser and I love money. On the contrary, I feel that I don't spend these money because I don't derive much joy from material needs.

Now, I am looking for a job in the military (against my ethical values) because it pays well, so that I can satisfy the desire of my spouse and her family. Desire seems to have small effect on me, yet I am greatly affected by the repercussions of desire.

I am deeply saddened.

If it would make your wife happy for you to buy some new clothes, shoes, new bag, then why not buy some new clothes, shoes, bag, etc? Do you not have enough money to buy some new stuff? If desire does not have much effect, then new stuff, old stuff, should make no difference.

Personally, I think it is unwise to do anything that you consider to be against your ethical values.

TheravadaBuddhist

wow......i have some of the same issues(?) in my marriage. the more i study, the more i realize it's the way i've always felt/looked at things(?) just my 2cents.

pegembara

Now, I am looking for a job in the military (against my ethical values) because it pays well, so that I can satisfy the desire of my spouse and her family. Desire seems to have small effect on me, yet I am greatly affected by the repercussions of desire.

The desire to please others is also an attachment and is a cause of stress. "I am happy only if others are."

The purpose of our life as monks is to realize the ultimate truth, the truth of the way it is. The Buddha used the word “Nibbana”, which means “non-attachment”, not being attached through delusion and ignorance to the experiences we have from birth to death in this form as a human being. When we ordain as bhikkhus we do it for the realization of non-attachment (nibbana), for “desirelessness” and fading away (viraga), and for cessation (nirodha). These three terms – viraga, nirodha and nibbana – are quite significant. To realize viraga we have to first understand what raga or desire is. In the second Noble Truth we have the arising of desire and the attachment to it. We can divide desire into three types: kama-tanha, bhava-tanha and vibhava-tanha. Desire is this energy that’s always looking for something or other. If there is attachment to desire, then one is never content. There is always this restlessness, trying to get something or do something or aiming at something or other. We might be picking up this or doing that or just saying anything. Desire, when it’s not understood and seen for what it is, just pulls us around.

http://www.knowbuddhism.info/2009/02/luang-por-sumedho-everything-around-us.html