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in need of outside insight
hello all, i am new to this forum and the practice of mindfulness. i enjoy message forums and was pleasantly surprised when i found here 
i was reading over a few threads and figured id just dive in with a short intro and explain the workings of my mind within the last few days for any of those willing to read...
the last 2-3 weeks for me have been extremely intense because of a spike in my experienced moments of clarity. just as anyone else, ive had these throughout my life (seldom, now frequent) but they have never really stuck because of either the next engaging activity, sleep, complacency or an unwillingness to break away from my safe habitual routine. but with a recent convergence of 3 substantial events, i have decided to embrace change and move my life in a direction of more meaning and good.
i am almost through the book, "Mindfulness, In Plain English" and plan to start "Turning the Mind into an Ally" next. i have attended a local Shambhala center a handful of times in the last few weeks which has given me basic meditation instructions which led me to a 2 day beginner training class (good timing!) that lasted roughly 15 hours. so my experience with Buddhism and mindfulness thus far has been very abrupt, but significant.
so where to begin... id like some interaction so i dont want to make too big of an initial post. one of the 3 convergences i mentioned was the fact that i have fallen in love. without going into a lot of detail, the experience has made me want to improve exponentially as a being and has opened up a better understanding of unconditional love to me. the person i speak of is with another person (not engaged or married) and i have been able to express to her my feelings over a gradual amount of time. at first it was hints, but as she became more open to my notions, i have increased the amount of knowledge i feel appropriate to not be overbearing or disrespectful (to her and her bf).
after i had expressed a substantial amount of information to her, i felt very liberated and relieved that i had taken a chance to do this instead of letting the chance pass by. to my surprise (she has been with him for a while and is not close to me, distance wise), she became even more engaging to me. she began to ask a lot of questions and examine my love. it climaxed when i told her unrestrained of my love and she told me she felt like i was her soul mate... but that she wasnt sure if it was a physical thing. that she wasnt sure if she could love me in that capacity. we even hashed out the idea of moving closer and kids!
i know this isnt Love Line, but i am being shook to the very foundations from this. i have tried to de-empower the negative aspects generally associated with love (needy, clingy, conditional), but i am having a hard time keeping myself together here. since the climax, days have passed and i have lost my balance. i felt relieved after being able to express all this to her, but now it seems nothing may change. what comes to mind is my lack of control in the situation (now) and patience... what am i to do? how should i focus the mind? i dont even know what questions to ask, but i come to you all with a willingness to grow from this. to not recede and devour a love that should not be bitterly abandoned because of fear and anger.
thank you for your time.
i was reading over a few threads and figured id just dive in with a short intro and explain the workings of my mind within the last few days for any of those willing to read...the last 2-3 weeks for me have been extremely intense because of a spike in my experienced moments of clarity. just as anyone else, ive had these throughout my life (seldom, now frequent) but they have never really stuck because of either the next engaging activity, sleep, complacency or an unwillingness to break away from my safe habitual routine. but with a recent convergence of 3 substantial events, i have decided to embrace change and move my life in a direction of more meaning and good.
i am almost through the book, "Mindfulness, In Plain English" and plan to start "Turning the Mind into an Ally" next. i have attended a local Shambhala center a handful of times in the last few weeks which has given me basic meditation instructions which led me to a 2 day beginner training class (good timing!) that lasted roughly 15 hours. so my experience with Buddhism and mindfulness thus far has been very abrupt, but significant.
so where to begin... id like some interaction so i dont want to make too big of an initial post. one of the 3 convergences i mentioned was the fact that i have fallen in love. without going into a lot of detail, the experience has made me want to improve exponentially as a being and has opened up a better understanding of unconditional love to me. the person i speak of is with another person (not engaged or married) and i have been able to express to her my feelings over a gradual amount of time. at first it was hints, but as she became more open to my notions, i have increased the amount of knowledge i feel appropriate to not be overbearing or disrespectful (to her and her bf).
after i had expressed a substantial amount of information to her, i felt very liberated and relieved that i had taken a chance to do this instead of letting the chance pass by. to my surprise (she has been with him for a while and is not close to me, distance wise), she became even more engaging to me. she began to ask a lot of questions and examine my love. it climaxed when i told her unrestrained of my love and she told me she felt like i was her soul mate... but that she wasnt sure if it was a physical thing. that she wasnt sure if she could love me in that capacity. we even hashed out the idea of moving closer and kids!
i know this isnt Love Line, but i am being shook to the very foundations from this. i have tried to de-empower the negative aspects generally associated with love (needy, clingy, conditional), but i am having a hard time keeping myself together here. since the climax, days have passed and i have lost my balance. i felt relieved after being able to express all this to her, but now it seems nothing may change. what comes to mind is my lack of control in the situation (now) and patience... what am i to do? how should i focus the mind? i dont even know what questions to ask, but i come to you all with a willingness to grow from this. to not recede and devour a love that should not be bitterly abandoned because of fear and anger.
thank you for your time.
0
Comments
Hello Maehedros, welcome to the Forum!
Excellent!
Sounds similar to my abrupt but significant intro to Buddhism. We are very fortunate to have encountered the Dhamma.
I am sure this has been very exciting and interesting for you. But do you think it is wise to pursue a girl who is already in a relationship with someone else? Your happiness is important, but part of the Buddhist Path is that we should not harm others. Are you thinking about the impact your words and actions might have on her current boyfriend? What about her?
I don't know the situation, so I can't really offer any advice, these are just some ideas for your reflection.
I sincerely wish you all the best.
With Metta,
Guy
The experience your talking about seems more therapy based rather than specifically related to buddhism. But i hear your suffering. It sounds to me by several statements you've made that your highly interested in "love" . Buddhism talks about this being one of the Four Immesurables. Love as your talking about though, sounds more like infatuation with this unavailable woman for you. She is someone you are highly attracted to which is ok. But what i'd reccomend is a more middle way of view for you and this woman. Try not to see her as the object of your desire and more like a human being that has some, not all, of the characteristics you seek in a mate. Then you will see that its not this person per se, but the attributes that you like most. This would be more helpful to see. Because when you see that its attributes. Then you can seek those attributes in an available partner. Unless one of the attributes you want is unavailable and unrequitted. LOL. IM sure you don't.
When we see this way it makes the object of desire not less desirable, but less inherently something that reinforces what we do not have. Therefore i believe your love that you seek is not actual love ( i know thats harsh , and im only trying to help) but rather a union of somesort with an ideal that you have . Otherwise the love you have to give would be a reciprocated back to you.
I would look at the four noble truths and see the specific suffering your experiencign as heartache.
There is the truth of heartache
there is an orgin to heartache
there is cessation of heartache
and a path that leads to the cessation of heartache
Hope this helps.
It sounds like you are a very passionate person, and that comes out distinctly and wonderfully in your post! I think I hear some of the confusion you're describing, and have to say that your continued practice of mindfulness is the best long term solution. Temperance is an important quality to cultivate, especially for passionate people. "Turning the Mind into an Ally" is a great read, and has lots of insight in that regard. Perhaps one of the teachers you've encountered at the Shambhala center could help also?
One of the areas in Buddhism that I think you could really benefit with some study is into the nature of impermanence and no-self. You seem to be looking at these 'convergences' as big, momentous experiences with lasting impact. It is no wonder then that you feel you would need to harness a convergence to make any kind of lasting change!
When you see the rut as deep, you might be tempted to wait until you think you have the strength to get out of the rut. But, its in the steady climbing that we actually build the strength! By the time you're strong enough to have jumped out, you'll be out.
For now, it might be best to simply use what you've been taught, and sit. Don't try to analyze what to do, how you should feel, or what life might be like in five years... just sit and notice what is happening inside you. Then, little by little you'll move toward happiness... with or without her.
With warmth,
Matt
you know, on the way home i actually had that come to mind. i have audio by Pema Chodron on the Four Limitless Ones and ive listened to some of it with the intention of coming back to it after ample time to let what ive heard so far sink in (dont wanna rush through it). but i agree and apologize, i felt a little unsure of posting this here but felt like i could somehow work on this aspect through study and meditation. i appreciate your time and value the insight you have given.
i have yet to find a teacher, but only because of circumstance, not because of the center. i will do this soon!
interesting, i didnt even think of it that way. maybe it was a bad choice of words, but i see the convergence more as a point where i was finally awakened to a degree where i was unwilling to go back to the cocoon.
but i will do that. i need to sit and let things be. the no-self and impermanence is very engaging at this point. ty!