Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Where to start?
Hi guys,
I've had a horrible day, my girlfriend had a very negative energy surrounding her, telling me I'm not a man, and that everyone knows 'im the girl in the relationship'. She threw a knife at me while we were on holiday when she was drunk and has struck me in the head! anyway I loved her so much and I'm an idiot for feeling this way. She told me I will never get over my drinking problem and I will be an alcoholic for life because I cant follow instructions and change. All of this was very damaging to my confidence.
Anyway, I'm a boxer, very into my health and fitness and have gone 6 months at a time not drinking because it creates a very destructive mood when I drink. Anyway I work at a law firm and am in my final year of law school.
Now to the point - Iv been curious about buddhism for many years. I have read a number of books and am currently apart of my universities buddhism society and am enrolled in a meditation course.
I have realised that the cars, money, clothes and trying to be friends with everyone has led to nothing but unhappiness for me. I have started doing community service to take the focus off myself and from here I have cancelled university for this semester and am going on a holiday by myself. I need to escape.
I try meditating daily but my mind is so stressed from my alcohol and drug abuse problems as an 18 year old/19 year old, financial debt while paying my way through uni, my destructive girlfriend, all the medication Im on and I am truely committed to giving this all away and taking a naturalistic approach.
I want to leave behind my possessions and perhaps finish my degree in a year when Im not on the brink of a nervous break down.
Just discussing buddhism and buddha makes me smile and I look forward to a journey to a happier life.
As I said Im constantly progressing with my battle with alcohol (I dont drink frequnetly But when i do drink i cant stop) and valium/xanax for stress and anxiety, I exercise daily, I no longer do boxing just because of the aggressive nature of the sport. I read but I feel like I need to go on a retreat.
Does anybody know of any retreat places in melbourne, AUS.
Anyway any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated.
Kind regards,
Andy
I've had a horrible day, my girlfriend had a very negative energy surrounding her, telling me I'm not a man, and that everyone knows 'im the girl in the relationship'. She threw a knife at me while we were on holiday when she was drunk and has struck me in the head! anyway I loved her so much and I'm an idiot for feeling this way. She told me I will never get over my drinking problem and I will be an alcoholic for life because I cant follow instructions and change. All of this was very damaging to my confidence.
Anyway, I'm a boxer, very into my health and fitness and have gone 6 months at a time not drinking because it creates a very destructive mood when I drink. Anyway I work at a law firm and am in my final year of law school.
Now to the point - Iv been curious about buddhism for many years. I have read a number of books and am currently apart of my universities buddhism society and am enrolled in a meditation course.
I have realised that the cars, money, clothes and trying to be friends with everyone has led to nothing but unhappiness for me. I have started doing community service to take the focus off myself and from here I have cancelled university for this semester and am going on a holiday by myself. I need to escape.
I try meditating daily but my mind is so stressed from my alcohol and drug abuse problems as an 18 year old/19 year old, financial debt while paying my way through uni, my destructive girlfriend, all the medication Im on and I am truely committed to giving this all away and taking a naturalistic approach.
I want to leave behind my possessions and perhaps finish my degree in a year when Im not on the brink of a nervous break down.
Just discussing buddhism and buddha makes me smile and I look forward to a journey to a happier life.
As I said Im constantly progressing with my battle with alcohol (I dont drink frequnetly But when i do drink i cant stop) and valium/xanax for stress and anxiety, I exercise daily, I no longer do boxing just because of the aggressive nature of the sport. I read but I feel like I need to go on a retreat.
Does anybody know of any retreat places in melbourne, AUS.
Anyway any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated.
Kind regards,
Andy
0
Comments
It has a description of meditation and also a whole lot more.
As I see it you have relationship troubles and drug addictions. The first step is to see these clearly. The notion of wanting them to change is fine, but it doesn't get you off the hook of needing to see these problems clearly. To see them clearly you just have to live your life and let go of some of the thinking and just see what is happening.
Over time you will see bad stuff. I'll be honest. So you also need a trust and strength. Trust to continue to see clear and open even more. To do that you need to stay with yourself. Be unconditionally friendly with yourself.
Over time a longing to overcome your problems will strengthen and you will put forth the necessary effort to see reality clearly. When you see clearly naturally a response will develope that will succeed.
And don't think you can't be an alcoholic because of your age or because you're not sleeping on a park bench (yet), because you can. If you can't stop drinking without thinking about drinking, you could be an alkie.
And if you are an alcoholic, if you continue drinking your life will get worse, and if you stop drinking, your life will get better. It's simple to stop drinking, but it's not easy - I know from experience - and I could only do it with the help of AA (which has the best Sangha in the World in my opinion and many other religions are envious of our Fellowship).
As for boxing, it's a great sport; I did it when I was in the army; it's about controlled aggression and discipline and this should not cause you any problems at all. The Shaolin Monks seem to knock each other about without any problems! ;-) Just keep the boxing for inside the ring; that's all.
I'd probably dump the girlfriend too; she sounds bonkers.
But I'm not a Buddhist, so some decent advice will probably follow!
It is definitely easier with a sangha or Buddhist community. It probably doesn't much matter which tradition though so maybe see what sanghas might be in your area.
http://maps.google.ca/maps?hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=Buddhist+melbourne&fb=1&gl=ca&hq=Buddhist&hnear=Melbourne+VIC,+Australia&view=text&ei=fjqFTLrwI5CmsQOS8qX2Bw&sa=X&oi=local_group&ct=more-results&resnum=1&ved=0CCkQtQMwAA
looks like quite a bit of Tibetan Buddhism in Melbourne, one Vietnamese temple (likely Zen/PureLand) and at least one Theravada group. I suggest you check them out and see what feels right.
I am about to tread the very same path that has been walked by the Buddha and by his great and holy disciples. An indolent person cannot follow that path. May my energy prevail. May I succeed
May I be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to me. May no difficulty come to me. May no problems come to me. May I always meet with success. May I also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May my parents be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May my teachers be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May my relatives be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May my friends be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May all persons who are strangers to me be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May my enemies be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
May all living beings be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulty come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.
The gf leaving you probably isn't the worst idea, more likely it is better for you.
It sounds like you have a series of problems that need to be addressed, namely the need for you to turn to alcohol and drugs. Usually there is an underlying problem that causes one to feel the need to abuse substances. Do you mind sharing??
In my personal opinion and don't take this the wrong way, but meditating and reading Buddhist teachings is all well and good. But understanding them and 'living it' are two entriely different matters. That is, I hope that you are not brushing your problems away and diverting your attention to Buddhism. Your problems wont be resolved in that manner. Please do correct me if I am wrong.
All the best mate,
Nam
There is a Diamond Sangha group that sits in and around Melbourne Australia.
Google them if you want, but ALSO, get help with your drug and alcohol addictions. A practice is not a holiday, it is a lifetime of dedication. Only then will the blessings come of themselves.
Bless.
Well I understand your point of these things not coming out of no where, however as much as she is well intentioned she is has a background of depression. She is from a lovely family but unfortunately depression seems to be genetic, her brothers both have it and her father who was a very intelligent architect had electric shock therapy as a last resort option to help him. Her emotions (especially after she had many drinks which was the case here) got in the way of things. Her insecurities were building up and I was aware of the direction the conversation was heading (talking about who she had slept with prior to me) Now I know that this is her insecurities talking, at the point she threw the knife, she would have thrown whatever was in front of her, be it a packet of cigarettes, a lemon anything, she was EXTREMELY intoxicated and was cutting up limes to have with her tequila shots. The next morning she genuinly didnt believe me. I am in know way justifying her actions, nor am I saying that I had no role in the incident.
Anyway as I said earlier, I have a history of anxiety which you wouldnt pick as Im always the loudest person in the room and enjoy public speaking etc., Im currently seeing a shrink for Cognitive Thought changes and feel as though I have made somewhat reasonable progress. I can now recognise unhealthy or perhaps irrational thoughts but they seem to be so overpowering (the paranoia and stress) that unfortunately the only thing to get me out of bed in the morning is with a quarter xanax or a valium. Now these are perscribed, and im taking them as perscribed, but I know if can control my mind and thoughts I wont be dependent on these things, or alcohol at night when i go out, to be relaxed.
Anyway just found out dad might have a terminal illness which is always difficult (find out in 2 days),, girlfriend problem has stopped me going to uni, working at the lawfirm, i have no appetite... its pretty shitty - also im not whinging because I know alot of people go through much much much worse but right now things are getting quiet hectic... Im thinking of dropping uni for the rest of the semester to go on a retreat and practice buddhism, I believe happiness should be able to come naturally and right now im not happy. I would rather go back to my studies happy and hopefully get better marks.... in no rush.
Anyway i guess buddhism come about because of my fathers practice in it when he was younger... he is by no means orthodox now but tries to take on board various teachings of buddha and incorporate them into his every day life.
I feel lost at the moment and I dont want to hurt myself or do something stupid but I wish all this drama would go away!!! argh anyway what can you do... thats life right?
Cognitive therapy has always sounded like a good type of therapy.
When you have negative thoughts change what you are thinking about. It isn't easy but it works. When I was depressed many years ago I learned that it was my thoughts that depressed me, so I worked on changing them, even reciting short positive sentences all day like a mantra, and it worked. I had been depressed for 13 years before trying this and was out of my depression in maybe 2 to 3 months, can't recall now, but it began working immediately. The first day I recited one at the end of the day my depression had ended. So I continued until it was gone and it has never come back.
I would suggest finding a sangha first and talking to one of the teachers and seeing if he thinks a retreat would be good for you or not.
Have you ruled out bipolar disorder?