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Would Buddha teach us about spanking a child?
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Personally, I think if kids are obnoxious, rude, always whinning, there's a underlying cause behind that needs to be deeply understood. A hundred years ago, before autism was even heard of, there might cases of parent abusing and physically discipling his/her child thinking the child may be possess by some evil spirit. Many developmental problem of a child were seen on the child part as just evil behavior. Today parental physchology has grown to widespread knowledge of whether this is effective or not. Thus, is there a reason to a hit child with autism and other developmental and growth problem? Shouldn't we best understand what problem really is first?
Aside from child developmental problem, if everyone is instinctly good, should there any reason to discipline your child by spanking? Kids are born into this world with infinite curiosity of their world and will try out thing that may deemed harmful to the kid. Suppose a child is always playing with a cockroach in the house (as he's interesting in observing the wonders of an insect), would the parent slap the child hand each time he/she play with the cockroach? What would the Buddhist approach to this be? Perhaps get rid the cockroaches in the house and redirect the child's curiousity to something else that's better? This would conicide with patience, compassion, and loving for the child I suppose.
Suppose the Buddha taught us about how we should choose alternative to spanking and try our best to have patience, and compassionately understand the child needs first than spanking, what would you think? Would you dare to even argue with Buddha teachings?
How would you handle physically discipling a child in a world where violence, immoral peer pressure, sexual glamour, and lack of values are common in society? Would you use spanking as your last resort? Are we living in a culture, where it's now neccessary to spank a child from becoming spoiled?
Many would argue that spanking a child is neccessary as it's out of hard love, that the child will understand what's right/wrong eventually as he/she gets older? But does that spanking teaches the child right/wrong? Is it really the child fault or the parent fault? Even if a child learns to avoid the behavior from spanking, was it the child truly understanding the consequences or the child merely associating pain with that certain behavior?
How would you handle it? How would Buddha handle it?
Here are some articles that gives different sides of spanking.
Discipline With Your Brain, Not Your Hand
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/67/story_6756_1.html?rnd=57
In nursing homes, do you see nurses spanking mentally disturb patient for not cooperating?
Spanking as Creative Correction
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/67/story_6770_1.html
Spanking works since the child needs to learn what's right/wrong first? They'll learn now but understand it later?
Very interesting topic. First, I would like to add two references for our consideration. The first is the Buddha's teachings to his son Rahula in the Ambalatthikarahulovada Sutta, and the second is this excerpt from the Sigalovada Sutta:
From just these two sutta references I would say that the Buddha did not teach the "punishment" of children nor the "non-punishment" of children. However, I do feel that they express the parent's job of teaching them properly by example, as well as verbally. I would imagine that the Buddha might view spanking as an act of violence. This is not violence out of "hatred" mind you, but violence out of ignorance; ignorance of the proper way to teach and raise children without resorting to violence. The Buddha was a very skilled teacher and I imagine that he would try to teach parents how to "restrain" and "encourage" their children in the most skilled and compassionate of ways.
Jason
No more disgusting excuse appears anywhere than that which disguises abuse and bullying by "doing it for their own good".
Fundamentally, the use of physical force or violence against someone too weak, or not in a social position to be able to either defend themselves, or to retaliate, is a gross abuse of power coupled with a loss of control.
I have smacked both my children. But I can count the times I have done so, on the fingers of one hand.
And I have always, without exception, apologised.
I may have had a cause, but the act itself was inexcusable. And politeness forbids me from giving an opinion of those who think nothing of hitting their children in public.
Now, with that being said, my kneejerk reaction is that I still believe physical discipline may be required.
But...
I have never had to whip my child.
I have thumped him on the head once and physically picked him up, sat him on the couch and got about an inch from his nose for pushing a girl (that could have ended up in a nasty accident) once.
I have had very upsetting talks with him - there have been things that have been said or I've heard that have been very upsetting.
That's about the extent of if.
So - when I comes to having to whip my child? I honestly don't think I could do it. I couldn't imagine taking a belt or something and beating my kid.
Now, on the flip side, do we have a society that is being populated with children who's parents don't believe in physical punishment anymore. Do we also have a society where the parents believe their children more than they do a child's teachers. Teachers have been make impotent under threat of "You touch my little Johnny or Suzie and I'LL SUE YOUR ASS!"
Do we have a society of children who don't seem to understand "taking responsibility", "work ethics" and "respect"?
Although, I seem to remember a quote one time - basically the same thing I've just said above - sounded very current. The quote came from early Rome or Greece in their heyday.
-bf
http://www.noogenesis.com/malama/punishment.html
It's about why punishment does not work. Do also read about the spanking part.
Yes, but do you see anybody trying to teach them this? Do we as a society, Respect our children? Do we teach them to bear responsibility for their actions, and to take responsibility for themselves? We have deprived our children of their childhood. Look at any eight or ten-year old girl. She dresses just like a nineteen-year -old. We give them nubile Barbies to play with, so they identify with a tall, beautiful stereotypical model-like statuesque image. Or dolls that look EXACTLY like babies.... mesh around the tummy for the healing belly button and all.... is it any wonder they try to behave or want to be like adults?
We stereotype our children into rôles... Check out the colours, the music and the type of voice used for adverts for girls' toys, (all pink, soft-focussed and high-voiced sing-song) with those used for boys (darker, more sombre colours, greys, blacks, deep reds, with deep growling or shouting voices and animated music). 'Neutral' adverts (for both sexes) are primary coloured (Reds, Yellows, Blues) with a jolly voice and jolly 'let's all bounce along together!' music.
We are printing our children with pre-programmed attitudes and characteristics. We let them watch the kinds of programmes, play the types of games and wear the styles of clothes we would have considered unthinkable in our childhood.
And we always talk about 'Society'. Society does this, or doesn't do that....WE ARE society!
And if WE don't start - right from the beginning, at grass-roots level - teaching children Self-Respect, Respect for others, Responsibility and general social skills like Politeness AND Courtesy.... then is it any wonder that it all seems to be falling to pieces before our very eyes?
The best way to teach from a young age, is to Lead By Example.
How can we expect them to not swear and cuss, when we do it infront of them? How can we expect them to show respect, when we bad-mouth people - both close and not-so-close - in front of them?
In order to salvage and to correct and to repair the damage, it all starts with US.
And I also agree with Simon.....we will not be a bully to our daughter. We have never spanked our daughter and she is one of the most well behaved kids around. I just don't think it is necessary. There are other ways!
But then, I've seen some of the "examples" and I wonder if it might be better to have children raised by a pack of wild wolves. At least they'd learn the respect of the 'pack' instead of blaming everyone else for their woes, not taking responsibility for the action, their inability to control their anger and temper, and raping the system for every single penny they can.
-bf
Here they are taught to disrespect their parents as to not having a clue. I will give you an example.
My son Matt was in the 4th grade. After picking him up form school, he started crying. When I finally got him calmed down enough to tell me what had him so upset. He told me that they took a test in school and he thought he had gotten his dad in trouble. When I asked why. He told me because his dad had given him a sip of champange on New Years Eve. And that was one of the questions on the test.
I was horrified! I quickly found out what he was talking about. And then proceeded to let him know that it was ok. That he did nothing wrong, Becuase he was honest about his answer.
The next day I went to his school and asked to see the test. I was told that it wasn't a test but a survey. I then asked them what right they had to give out this survey and the problem they had caused. They told me that in order for the children to take thesurvey they had to have a parents permission. OF which I kindly explained that they never had mine. They apologized and said they would have the school counselor talk to Matt about it.
I told them never mind. I could handle it myself. And from that day forward If Matt didn't like what he was reading he was told to not answer it and just call me.
Since then I have had my share of rounds with Californias Public Schools. All I can say is I'm glad my son is finally out of public schools.
Regarding your post about what happened to your son in school...
I really think you're being a complete bitch about this. If you're still under the old, outdated mindset that schools are places for our children to gain an education - and not the collection of "information" - you need to get with the times. I mean, how else is Big Brother going to find out about you? You're definitely not providing the required information
Then you wanted to see the survey and pointed out it was only given with the parent's permission and then you pointed out they didn't have your permission...
Don't you see how out of line you are being? I think it's time for you to visit the "Compliance Chamber" for your regular attitude adjustment...
-bf
That is true...it is important for the parents to be a good example in the first place!
My sense of humor is probably.... possibly somewhat... for the most part.... bad.
I hope people have learned that my berating is very "tongue-in-cheek". I'm sure Moonlgt was able to figure out I agreed with her whole-heartedly.
-bf
I was wondering why on my son's school records it said Mother is a real B****!.
No wonder I'm on the no-fly list.
Report Card: Moonlgt
Communication: A
Tolerance for BS: B
-bf
My Dear, Dear Friend. You got it all wrong.
Report Card: MoonLgt
Communication: a
Tolerance for Bs : :bs:
Or lower if they could.:tongue2: