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my attachment got the better of me
i know....i shouldn't have let it, but i got caught up in it. as stated in another thread, i've been reviewing my attachment to stuff. thought having stuff isn't a problem, i view it now, and many years ago, as a distraction.
anyway, my van went on life support last friday. when i found out the repair was @$500-$600 i went blah...of course, i didn't have that kind of money to fix it, and there were other problems with it that i was hoping to wait on to fix that were about the same. so i had to take monday off and send it to the junkyard to get the $ needed to put down on another one.
where the attachment got me was the amount of 'damn!' i felt at the thought of having to do that again. i always get cars for a year or three, then when they die, i just do what needs to be done, with no problems.
this was a van just like one i had always 'wanted' to own. all the little details that make it desirable were there: engine size, make model and colour. so i was more 'sad' than i really wanted to be about it, which really surprised me.
i also know that i should have found something in the practice to help me remember the true nature of things, but i was somehow out if it till the replacement was had.
does that make me shallow or self-somethinged? i know i shouldn't worry about other people's thoughts(?) but in this community, i value the considerations.
anyway, my van went on life support last friday. when i found out the repair was @$500-$600 i went blah...of course, i didn't have that kind of money to fix it, and there were other problems with it that i was hoping to wait on to fix that were about the same. so i had to take monday off and send it to the junkyard to get the $ needed to put down on another one.
where the attachment got me was the amount of 'damn!' i felt at the thought of having to do that again. i always get cars for a year or three, then when they die, i just do what needs to be done, with no problems.
this was a van just like one i had always 'wanted' to own. all the little details that make it desirable were there: engine size, make model and colour. so i was more 'sad' than i really wanted to be about it, which really surprised me.
i also know that i should have found something in the practice to help me remember the true nature of things, but i was somehow out if it till the replacement was had.
does that make me shallow or self-somethinged? i know i shouldn't worry about other people's thoughts(?) but in this community, i value the considerations.
0
Comments
You recognised it for what it was, which was pretty alert and Mindful of you.
Many people are desperately attached to things (both the physical and mentally generated) and go through their whole lives blissfully unaware that this is what Suffering is all about.
You instead, were aware of it, recognised it, felt it and faced it.
I don't think Attachment DID get the better of you.
I think you stole a march on attachment.
This isn't a confessional thread, bemoaning your failing.
This should be a celebratory thread celebrating your Attentiveness.
I agree.
In metta,
Raven