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Another lesson?
Kundo
Sydney, Australia Veteran
Namaste,
Last night I spent 10.5hrs in the emergency dept with my daughter and husband as my daughter fell down a flight of stairs at school and lost feeling and movement in her legs for a period of time.
I was quite pleased at one stage, after about two and a half hours of us waiting in the corridor, she asked if she could use my mala beads to meditate (I've been teaching her basic mindfulness meditation and Om Mani Padme Hum mantra) and she started to quietly chant "I will be assessed soon, I will be assessed soon" By this stage she was hungry, thirsty, very sore and very grumpy. I was telling stupid jokes to anyone who would listen and mucking around with the ambos and my husband.
After about 3.5 hours' waiting (even though she was brought in as a priority patient) we got moved into the paediatrics emergency ward. And then for another 7 hours my senses were assailed by constant screaming children, a loop of Finding Nemo and later on Madagascar (which I quite like actually) and an increasing tide of anger and despair.
By midnight I was ready to crack it. I was tired, hungry, extremely pissed off and chomping at the bit to take my daughter home. Just when we were getting ready to go (after the xrays cleared her from a fractured pelvis), the doctors came back and said they wanted to do more xrays because they were unsure of the outcome. I took a deep breath and said nothing. I let my husband do the talking because I knew the nurses were only doing their jobs and I didn't want to make their night any more stressful. I also secretly and guiltily wanted to punch the doctor out because she was condescending and had the bedside manner of a dead fish when it came to dealing with my scared and in pain nine year old daughter.
So I tried to sit, just sit and be in the moment. I quickly came to the conclusion that I was just too darn tired and bitchy and tried to sleep. No such luck (mind you by then I had been awake nearly 24 hours as it was so I was beyond rational). I felt like bursting into tears myself and screaming like the two babies across from us so I stood up and announced to my husband "I'm going for a walk before I f**king lose it" So I stomped off towards the general waiting room and as I walked towards it I walked out into the corridor where we'd been hours before. Two elderly patients were laying in beds out there, one fast asleep and one with a very kindly young nurse who was trying very VERY hard to reassure this scared old lady that she would be ok. I stopped and felt really overwhelmed for this old lady and asked her, a random stranger, if she'd like me to get her some water, a blanket or anything else. She reminded me of my late nana and I was surprising emotional at seeing her there, so frail and scared and on her own. The old lady looked at me and smiled and thanked me for my kindness and said she felt much better but she appreciated my asking. I started to feel REALLY guilty for being so furstrated at these sick children who really couldn't help the fact that all they could do was scream their lungs out.
With this in mind, I walked out the front for a few minutes and it was FREEZING!!!!! So I stood out there as long as I could bear (no longer than maybe 6 minutes) and had a bit of a cry.
I walked back through the corridors (the old lady was now sleeping in her bed) and back to the chaos of the ward Mini Me was in.
I'd love to say I spent the next two hours in a blissful awareness while all around me was a mess, but by the time we left, I was just as stressed as I had been before my encounter with the old lady. But I had a new appreciation for how brave and special my daughter is. She rarely cried out (only when being poked and prodded) and endured two sessions of rigorous xrays.
I'm at work today after three hours' sleep, surviving on No Doz and 'fat' Coke and hanging to get out of work (another 30 mins to go) while my husband is at home with our daughter. I really wish I could have been a bit more tolerant and compassionate last night/this morning but I won't beat myself up about it. I realise how lucky I am compared to a LOT of other people and will try to keep this in mind on my path.
I'm not sure what purpose this has served, me spewing forth my story of last night, but I think that some sort of lesson was learned. Even if just for me not to get so het up about things next time there's a crisis of some sort.
Sorry for rambling
In metta,
Raven
Last night I spent 10.5hrs in the emergency dept with my daughter and husband as my daughter fell down a flight of stairs at school and lost feeling and movement in her legs for a period of time.
I was quite pleased at one stage, after about two and a half hours of us waiting in the corridor, she asked if she could use my mala beads to meditate (I've been teaching her basic mindfulness meditation and Om Mani Padme Hum mantra) and she started to quietly chant "I will be assessed soon, I will be assessed soon" By this stage she was hungry, thirsty, very sore and very grumpy. I was telling stupid jokes to anyone who would listen and mucking around with the ambos and my husband.
After about 3.5 hours' waiting (even though she was brought in as a priority patient) we got moved into the paediatrics emergency ward. And then for another 7 hours my senses were assailed by constant screaming children, a loop of Finding Nemo and later on Madagascar (which I quite like actually) and an increasing tide of anger and despair.
By midnight I was ready to crack it. I was tired, hungry, extremely pissed off and chomping at the bit to take my daughter home. Just when we were getting ready to go (after the xrays cleared her from a fractured pelvis), the doctors came back and said they wanted to do more xrays because they were unsure of the outcome. I took a deep breath and said nothing. I let my husband do the talking because I knew the nurses were only doing their jobs and I didn't want to make their night any more stressful. I also secretly and guiltily wanted to punch the doctor out because she was condescending and had the bedside manner of a dead fish when it came to dealing with my scared and in pain nine year old daughter.
So I tried to sit, just sit and be in the moment. I quickly came to the conclusion that I was just too darn tired and bitchy and tried to sleep. No such luck (mind you by then I had been awake nearly 24 hours as it was so I was beyond rational). I felt like bursting into tears myself and screaming like the two babies across from us so I stood up and announced to my husband "I'm going for a walk before I f**king lose it" So I stomped off towards the general waiting room and as I walked towards it I walked out into the corridor where we'd been hours before. Two elderly patients were laying in beds out there, one fast asleep and one with a very kindly young nurse who was trying very VERY hard to reassure this scared old lady that she would be ok. I stopped and felt really overwhelmed for this old lady and asked her, a random stranger, if she'd like me to get her some water, a blanket or anything else. She reminded me of my late nana and I was surprising emotional at seeing her there, so frail and scared and on her own. The old lady looked at me and smiled and thanked me for my kindness and said she felt much better but she appreciated my asking. I started to feel REALLY guilty for being so furstrated at these sick children who really couldn't help the fact that all they could do was scream their lungs out.
With this in mind, I walked out the front for a few minutes and it was FREEZING!!!!! So I stood out there as long as I could bear (no longer than maybe 6 minutes) and had a bit of a cry.
I walked back through the corridors (the old lady was now sleeping in her bed) and back to the chaos of the ward Mini Me was in.
I'd love to say I spent the next two hours in a blissful awareness while all around me was a mess, but by the time we left, I was just as stressed as I had been before my encounter with the old lady. But I had a new appreciation for how brave and special my daughter is. She rarely cried out (only when being poked and prodded) and endured two sessions of rigorous xrays.
I'm at work today after three hours' sleep, surviving on No Doz and 'fat' Coke and hanging to get out of work (another 30 mins to go) while my husband is at home with our daughter. I really wish I could have been a bit more tolerant and compassionate last night/this morning but I won't beat myself up about it. I realise how lucky I am compared to a LOT of other people and will try to keep this in mind on my path.
I'm not sure what purpose this has served, me spewing forth my story of last night, but I think that some sort of lesson was learned. Even if just for me not to get so het up about things next time there's a crisis of some sort.
Sorry for rambling
In metta,
Raven
0
Comments
Personally, I congratulate you.
Anyone can be at peace but those who manage internal turmoil and then can offer an old lady a drink have my admiration.
In metta,
Raven
Thank you - I'm sure your action was generated by compassion.
I pray your daughter is recovering.
In metta,
Raven
But despite having a real crappy time you were still able to be mindful of your own emotions and everything else around you. There's nothing to feel bad about, just have a rest and sleep
All the best to you and your family.
Raven,hospitals can be the most frustrating places on the planet.People go there to get help and when it is for loved ones then it is not easy sitting for hours,wondering what the hell are those doctors doing.
I am glad that your little one is doing alright.
With metta to you and your family.
In metta,
Raven