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How to be more kind?
Hello all,
I'm a newbie buddhist. My goal at the moment is to practice being more kind.
I have been doing some metta meditation and it seems to be helping so far.
Are there anything else I could do to help myself become more kind?
Also, do you guys think that there is a difference between being kind vs being "nice"?
I'm a newbie buddhist. My goal at the moment is to practice being more kind.
I have been doing some metta meditation and it seems to be helping so far.
Are there anything else I could do to help myself become more kind?
Also, do you guys think that there is a difference between being kind vs being "nice"?
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Comments
See in that place it is not intellectual. You just contact negative feeling.
Then later when you have practice. Someone will push your buttons. But you won't react. You will have training in opening to your own emotions. So you will be able to 'be with' that person. Without an agenda just let your honest discussion unfold.
Its almost like you get liberated from having to smooth over your own feelings. So you can be at peace in your own space. Another person, just like you, is sensitive and they can feel that peace and space.
So, are you saying just accept and experience the negative emotions such as fear, anger and hate and behave as if those emotions are not there?
I would look at them as delusions, and recognize that you are feeling them, try to understand why you're feeling them and how you can stop, then let them go.
Some people are naturally compassionate and selfless.
Some are less.
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Metta Bhavana meditation - cultivating loving kindness may open ones heart in order to help us gain a better connection with others.
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The Buddha said "We are our thoughts, and with our thoughts, we create the world".
Therefore, if we change the contents of our thoughts with meditation, then we can change the way we see ourselves and others and ultimately change the world around us. (and reduce the damaging nature of Samsara / net of cause and effect).
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Metta Bhavana can also be used by people suffering from depression and people who have problems with self image.
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Metta Bhavana isn't a rose pair of spectacles mind you. The meditation should be used to clean the distortions in our own perceptions and help us be less attached (reducing aversion). It isn't a cure all.
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Much progress can be achieved with this type of meditation.
However,
If you are living a modern life, in a modern society, around people who are not spiritually minded, be aware that while you perform this meditation, it may make you more vulnerable to being preyed upon by malicious individuals. So give love, but be street wise (for your own protection).
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It's like going to the gym. If you use the 1kg weights then you won't get any stronger. You need to challenge yourself in order to grow. But having said this, you don't need to look for challenges, life will provide enough. But when challenging people and situations arise just remember "now is the time to develop Metta".
Of course, setting aside 30 minutes a day to sit down and intentionally cultivate Metta is very useful too.
Here's a silly example, I work at a supermarket and I don't like it very much... so I get angry and when customers ask me for help I give them minimalistic answers like "aisle 1". That's not very kind. If I don't like the job very much and just see it as that, realize I am getting angry and let the anger go away, I would probably go with the customer and show exactly where something is... that's somewhat kinder.
Of course helping customers is a simple everyday thing but it's still a human interaction and if you're frustrated, it shows and spreads.
I think I used a bad example, but... that's my idea of it anyway.
I think, as others have said above, metta is important to cultivating kindess. But it isnt a magic incantation that makes you more kind, it is practice within practice.
Here are two other practices you might try:
Extinguising
One thing you can do is to actively attempt extinguish negative responses you have as and when they arise. You are driving, you get cut up, you get responses of aversion and meanness. Ass soon as you are aware of this, maybe the moment they happen, maybe five mins later when your opening your front door... try to extinguish that negativity right there, in the moment.
To extinguish negativity you need to understand it. if you are unkind to the waiter, the answer as to why is inside yourself and only you kind find it. And when you find the core cause of any instance of your unkindness, within that is its own removal but only if you are rightly mindful and concentrated upon that cause and only within the context of your own Right View.
Daily I have unkind thoughts. Thoughts that my ego sneaks inside my moments. Unkindness because I have mis-valued something (Yesterday I found myself being greedy about some egg, which is kind of embarrassing).
Another bit of advice you might utalise, is to have yourself understand the "evolution" of the defilements (Of which unkindness is a root defilement) from ignorance as this will much better equip you with their extinguishing.
namaste
The idea with mindfulness is to drop the storyline. Drop the labels and words and just contact the body feeling. At least thats what I've heard is the initial teaching.
Hi Pain,
One way i've found that is quite effective for me is to keep reading about teachings about love and compassion like the 37 Practices of Bodhisattvas by Ngulchu Thogme and recite it everyday as a reminder. Also, follow up news about people who are suffering in all kinds of way and to pray for them and outreach in a spiritual sense.
It is also good to develop compassion for animals, feed them, observe them... the more you understand others, the more easy to feel the suffering they have, and thus more compassion.
Make wishes and prayers that one's compassion will increase for ever more.
Read Shantideva's Way of the Bodhisattva... it is a legendary book for increasing and developing kindness. HH Dalai Lama said it is where his kindness came from.
Recite OM MANI PADMAY HUNG many times eg, 100,000, or 1 million (note: over long period of time, these numbers are nothing... don't be intimidated by the large number) ... somehow this mantra is very special in opening the heart. In another thread somewhere else, i also said that it helped me to have more kindness naturally... this is because this mantra is the essence of Avalokiteshvara who is the embodiment of all the compassion and love of all the Buddhas.
Hope this helps!
You let your eggo get the better of you. I know, that was a terrible joke. :P
Yeah, good advice. Sometimes the mind is too subtle to observe in the heat of an argument or whatever situation ill-will arises. Feelings in the body can often be a good reflection of the state of mind you are in.
flow
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on
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act
and
we
generate
effects
learn
to
let
go
and
return
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meditation
STOP
thoughts
replace
with
good
Try to remember that other beings are just like you - they seek happiness and want to avoid suffering. Imagine yourself, or someone you love and care for deeply, in the place of others.
Yes, but genuine compassion is hard to come by.
Practice.
Best wishes,
Abu
Hi Abu, it seems to me that it is often hard to recognise compassion - especially when we are not getting what we want in a situation and we feel rejected or something or someone we love is criticised, and we feel angry and indignant - time often helps me gain a perspective which in the moment escapes me.
A Tibetan Monk told me just last week to start small. Each day try to help or be kind to just one person. And if the opportunity to help someone does not present itself, then at the very least, do no harm.
Nice and your post reminds me of the Do No Harm team