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very new and conused
Hi there my name is maria, i am 21 and have been brought up as a christian (christening, conformation and a christian wedding 2 years ago to my husband who is also a christian) the problem i am having is i dont think i am a christian, i mean i dont believe in god or jesus and you need to, to call your self as a christian. I have always been very interested in learning about new religions (i loved relegious education at school lol) 
the last few days i have been looking into buddhism, and their way of life and teaching and this really does appeal to me.
I have an illness called Fibromyalgia which i have had for about 3 years- because of this i have to try and live as stress free as possible and not let emotions get to me etc as this can make me very ill and bed ridden for days- this is very hard to do as it is habbit i guess and dont know any better.
i would love to learn more about buddhism and want some tips on how to get started, i know reading is a good place to start but would anyone suggest going along to a place of worship and asking for guidence there? i have looked on the internet and my closest one is 45minutes away!:(
i have a few questions first:
the last few days i have been looking into buddhism, and their way of life and teaching and this really does appeal to me.I have an illness called Fibromyalgia which i have had for about 3 years- because of this i have to try and live as stress free as possible and not let emotions get to me etc as this can make me very ill and bed ridden for days- this is very hard to do as it is habbit i guess and dont know any better.
i would love to learn more about buddhism and want some tips on how to get started, i know reading is a good place to start but would anyone suggest going along to a place of worship and asking for guidence there? i have looked on the internet and my closest one is 45minutes away!:(
i have a few questions first:
- my husband is christian and not wanting to change over (but willing to support me)- would this cause any problems with a buddhist being married to a christian?
- how would i stand celebrating christmas with my husband?
- do buddhist celebrate birthdays? (i know they celebrate first full moon in may)
- because of my illness i would have to still eat meat- is this a problem?
- if my husband and i have children and he wanted to bring them up as christians would i be ok to get them baptised and go to the services with them (to support my husband)
- do i need a shrine to budda in my house where i do meditation etc (sorry if it is a stupid question or wrong all together)
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Comments
Only for him, not you.
A person can be a Christian and still practice aspects of Buddhism, because Buddhism is all about taking personal responsibility, for yourself, and is not dependent on any outside influence. Therefore, the only objection he might have, is that you as a Buddhist, would not have a God to be accountable to.
The majority of Buddhists in the West have either a Christian background, or have always been atheist, so you're by no means alone here....
Stand, sit, lie, spin, dance, do what you like. Christmas was once a pagan ritual, and a mid-winter solstice celebration (usually on the 21st/22nd December, to celebrate the days beginning to lengthen again - the Triumph of Light over Darkness... Early Christians hijacked the festival for their own specific "bringer of Light"....) I 'celebrate' Christmas... the trees, the decorations - even the gifts. leave the Christian aspect out of it, and it's just a fun, mid-winter shindig!
Sure! Why not?! Nope. if you can live with it, so can we. My own personal opinion is that young children should not be baptised into a religion, but permitted to grow up and make up their own minds about what they wish to do.
You were baptised, but you changed your mind. They might too, so why go through the ritual? You wouldn't enrol your kids into a political party, at birth, but let them choose their own political slant, wouldn't you? So why impose a specific religion upon them?
That said, do what you feel best. If they want to change route when they're older, they can.
you have.... Most of us have, but it's not obligatory, and you can really create what you want.....
oh i have also emailed someone at my local buddhist place of worship asking if i can meet and explained my sit to him- so will let everyone know when i have a reply off him too.
Thanks again
You are of course the expert of your own disease, but I would think that since Fibromyalgia causes chronic pain (as far as I understand, I don't have it myself), it might be better for you to visit someone who can give you some simple and easy advice and meditation practices, in order to try and cope with your disease.
Reading about Buddhism can easily become very theoretic and requires some concentration, which might be difficult for people who are under influence of pain. (again - your the expert, so I might be completely of here
In the gelug school there is a saying that when cutting down a tree, you have to cut of the outer branches first.
In other words. We have to deal with the gross difficulties before we can deal with the subtle.
So it might be a good idea for you to skip through all the theory and go straight to a practice that can help you cope with you current situation. The theories are just stories about the practice anyway
Much love
Samten
no you are spot on with my illness, i am waiting for someone from the Thekchen Buddhist Centre to contact me back. they do meditation classes there for begginers and they also do courses there on the teachings of Buddha.
thank you everyone so much for your help.
will let you know how i get on
If he's supportive of it than there shouldn't be any problems. Depending on how serious of a Christian he is, he may or may not want to discuss Buddhist teachings. My wife is mildly supportive, but would rather not talk about it. She also has some reservations with me creating a little meditation altar with a Buddha statue. Be open with him.
how would i stand celebrating christmas with my husband?
You can still celebrate Christmas, Easter, or even go to church with him. I consider myself Buddhist, yet I attend an evangelical college. Just be respectful.
The next four I agree with federica. As far as Baptism goes, discuss it with your husband. I do believe in letting them grow up and then introduce religion to them and let them decided, but that's my personal opinion. I think you'll find that Buddhism is fairly flexible in terms of personal beliefs.
Best of luck
Going on a Buddhist meditation course would be of benefit to you. However, if the center is too far away, a good book would help although you will not have the social aspect of going to a center.
As for christian issues, this will all depend on how extreme your husband is.
Some are more than others.
My ex-wife was a Jehovah Witness.
Jehovah Witnesses generally do not mix with anyone but Jehovah Witnesses as they see non Jehovah Witnesses as being controlled by the Devil!
So, I spent the whole time being bullied and treated like a second class citizen by most of the Jehovah Witnesses including my ex-wife. (I don't think Jesus would have approved. Hardly the way of the new system. Heaven on earth!! Love can not be found in hate. Acceptance can not be found in rejection!).
Religions based on Christianity can be like that, as most Christians believe that they should not be involved with non Christians in marriage as it may tempt them to break their religious rules.
Ironically, many Christians hurt more people through being loyal to Jesus than in any other way. If they had only read and practiced the parts of Jesus's teachings about loving thy neighbor, much of the problems they cause would never happen.
Still, Jesus did say that he was not here to bring peace, as his teachings would separate the wheat from the chaff, separating those who do right from those who do wrong. To prepare people for the next life where people who qualify will live in peace with God.
Also,
The first of the ten commandments was "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; Do not have any other gods before me."
However, if your Husband isn't too hard core Christian, then no problem. We all live our own lives and make our own choices. You being a Buddhist need not be an issue to your husband.
For some good guided meditation cd's, check out.
http://www.mindfulnesstapes.com/
Jon Kabat Zinn's books are also pretty good.
2> christmas ok - no christmas ok
3> Birthdays ok - no birhdays ok
4> if you think meat ok (if ill) - then meat ok (this is your choice).*I remember reading that during a period in the Dalai Lama's life, he ate meat because he was very ill and needed to in order to be well while enduring the harsh weather while in Tibet.
5> children baptised ok / children not baptised ok
6> Buddha shrine ok / no Buddha Shrine Ok
7> Place of Meditation - best somewhere quiet and comfortable. Although potentially everywhere.
Everything your choice until you encounter group that enforces less choice.
Perhaps buy book on Buddhism Basics. Meditation. 4 Noble Truths and 8 fold Path.
These will give you an insight as to the essence of Buddhism.
There is a book by a Vietnamese Zen master named Thich nhat Hanh (pronounced tick nat hawn) who is very very famous...probably the most widely read current teacher next to the Dalai Lama. Anyway the book I am thinking of is called Living Buddha Living Christ. It might be helpful to you and your husband.
I think the potential conflict comes from the Christian side, because they tend to feel their path alone is right..."no man comes to the Father except by me" type of thing.
My wife is not Buddhist, but she actually isn't any religion. She is somewhat supportive of my being Buddhist, but not enthusiastically so. I celebrate Christmas...I love it actually.
There is an elderly gentleman from my Temple, who puts on the santa hat, rings the bells, and collects funds for the Salvation army every Christmas.
our Temple also collects food items and gifts at our Bodhi day service, to distribute to low income families for Christmas. Certainly we celebrate birthdays, including Shakyamuni's birthday on April 8th (May 8th according to some traditions) I"m not familiar with the full moon celebration you mentioned...I wonder if it is Buddha's Birthday? Buddha himself refused to make Vegetarianism a rule. Some temples might encourage it, especially for monks and nuns, but it isn't a requirement for lay people, and in some traditions, it isn't a requirement for anyone. I was baptized actually as a young adult. I think the ritual is harmless and only holds meaning for those who want to attach meaning to it, so if that is what hubby wants I don't think it is big issue.
The bigger issue is that children will want to know about what you believe as well, more so if you do have a shrine and meditate, or go to a Temple. This should be fine...even healthy for them, so long as the old "only through Christ" thing doesn't create confusion for them. However as long as they have a balanced view and education, I'm sure they will sort it all out.
There are no stupid questions:)
I think it is helpful. Traditionaly it consists of a Buddha image of some sort (statue, picture) flowers, a candle, and often an incense burner.
That said it definitely is not manditory. More important you have a nice clean quiet area to practice, and if possible make meditation a part of your daily routine, at or around the same time every day.
If you are seriously interested, and there is a temple near by, I would encourage you to look into it, because if you are trying to practice in such isolation, plus the influence of Christianity...and not all Christians will be supportive, I think it is helpful to have friends who are on the same path as well. If there is no temple then online communities like this, or treeleaf sangha are helpful, but of course actual person to person contact is better.
I guess the main thing to remember with most of these questions, is that Buddhism is not a "thou shalt not" sort of religion. The precepts, rituals, sutras, meditation....all of it is just good advice to help us realize our true nature and thus overcome suffering. Buddhism is not a judgmental religion, and some measure of improvisation to fit your circumstances is fine.
2. You would enjoy it as the cultural festival it is. Even if you go to different christian countries, they all celebrate christmas different. It's a cultural thing.
3. However you want to celebrate a birthday. I suggest against ritualistic murder of Hobos though, as that can get messy.
4. Buddha ate meat. The rule of thumb is don't kill things, and don't have things killed for you. and even that is just a rule of thumb. use your common sense.
5. Of course.
6. If that helps you to consistently do a meditation practice sure. if not, then don't worry about it.
Good luck on your journey. It's a heck of a ride!