confused about relationships

est4elvis

I'm being really dozy here but what does buddhism mean when it comes to relationships? I keep reading up on it + I understand about attachment + agree with it but then where does that leave my marriage? Am I not meant to be married? Can you please explain it to me in idiots guide :crazy:

sukhita

Laypersons can have relationships/ be married. The Sigalovada Sutta (Layperson's Code of Discipline), for example, talks about married householders:

"In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.

"The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:

(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants
(iii) she is faithful, (iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

ThailandTom

I think it is totally okay to be married or in a relationship if you are neither a monk or nun, but you have to be aware of the attachment and suffering that will ultimately arise due to this relationship

shenpennangwa

ThailandTom wrote: »

but you have to be aware of the attachment and suffering that will ultimately arise due to this relationship

Attachment and suffering dont arise due to relationships, they arise due to our ignorance. We are perfectly capable of maintaining healthy relationships that can even positively influence our dharma practice.
Its about our minds.

Dazzle

Hi est4elvis,

It's fine for a layperson who's a Dhamma practitioner to have a loving marriage. Here's something the Buddha said about relationships :

"Husband & wife, both of them
having conviction,
being responsive,
being restrained,
living by the Dhamma,
addressing each other
with loving words:
they benefit in manifold ways.
To them comes bliss.
Their enemies are dejected
when both are in tune in virtue.
Having followed the Dhamma here in this world,
both in tune in precepts & practices,
they delight in the world of the devas,
enjoying the pleasures they desire."

from An 4.55 Samajivina Sutta : Living in Tune.

Kind wishes,

Dazzle

.

robot

Its my experience that relationship can be positive if not essential to dharma practice. Nothing exposes attachment like a relationship that is struggling. Though my relationship ultimately failed I can truthfully say that I learned more during the hard part than I did during the blissfully ignorant part when I carried on being a fool as long as she would put up with it. I'm sure that two realized people would have a completely different experience. I am thankful for everything I gained from it. My only real regret is that a lovely young woman missed the chance to be appreciated the way she deserved to be. Its a fantasy I know. We are friends now.-P

TheJourney

shenpen nangwa wrote: »

Attachment and suffering dont arise due to relationships, they arise due to our ignorance. We are perfectly capable of maintaining healthy relationships that can even positively influence our dharma practice.
Its about our minds.

I agree with this.

Jason

est4elvis wrote: »

I'm being really dozy here but what does buddhism mean when it comes to relationships? I keep reading up on it + I understand about attachment + agree with it but then where does that leave my marriage? Am I not meant to be married? Can you please explain it to me in idiots guide :crazy:

I also agree with what shenpen nangwa said.

If you're interested, here's something I wrote about attachment/clinging. You might find it useful.