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Seeking Advice...
Hi all... I am new to learning about Buddhism, but I was thinking like a Buddhist before I realized I was thiking like a Buddhist. I spent a week in a Mental Health Recovery Center, and during my time there I began to have great feelings of compassion for all human life and I spent a lot of time mentally forgiving myself and others. I reached a new level of wellness and wisdom during my time there and now I vow to help others by means of volunteering, donating, and going into a career in which I can help others.
I found out that I was thinking like a Buddhist when I researched into the suggested therapy for my illness. Certain aspects of the therapy were borrowed from Zen Buddhism. From there I began to research Buddism.
The biggest stone in my path is... I live with my mother until spring semester starts. I love her and feel compassion for her, but she is extremely negative, and I think mentally ill as well. While I understand I have no control over how she lives her life, she is also a shopping addict/animal hoarder... and this affects me personally. How does one deal with the suffering of animals in such a close environment? I have tried to convince her to give them to good single-pet households but she views them as possessions and won't let go... this hurts me deeply because I know they are living beings... but I'm unsure how to help.
Every option seems like it has a bad consequence... I could call animal control but they would fine or jail my mom and that is not moving forward. I can't take them to the animal shelter because they aren't taking cats right now... and it would just make her angry. She won't allow me to give them away. I would take one when I move out, but my apartment does not allow pets and I wouldn't have time for it anyway... and they need someone with the time to take care of them. This is the paradox I face. Is doing nothing just as bad as doing harm? Is taking action doing harm as well?
How do you deal with someone who harms animals and has intense feelings of negativity in their daily life? I've found it easier to deal with the negativity, but not the suffering of animals. She is also openly rascist and bigoted and this hurts as well. I think she does not realize a lot of things she does due to mental illness... but won't seek therapy.
Anyway... sorry if I am being too open. I have asked for advice from many people but I wanted to get a Buddhist take on it. Thank you to anyone that listens.
I found out that I was thinking like a Buddhist when I researched into the suggested therapy for my illness. Certain aspects of the therapy were borrowed from Zen Buddhism. From there I began to research Buddism.
The biggest stone in my path is... I live with my mother until spring semester starts. I love her and feel compassion for her, but she is extremely negative, and I think mentally ill as well. While I understand I have no control over how she lives her life, she is also a shopping addict/animal hoarder... and this affects me personally. How does one deal with the suffering of animals in such a close environment? I have tried to convince her to give them to good single-pet households but she views them as possessions and won't let go... this hurts me deeply because I know they are living beings... but I'm unsure how to help.
Every option seems like it has a bad consequence... I could call animal control but they would fine or jail my mom and that is not moving forward. I can't take them to the animal shelter because they aren't taking cats right now... and it would just make her angry. She won't allow me to give them away. I would take one when I move out, but my apartment does not allow pets and I wouldn't have time for it anyway... and they need someone with the time to take care of them. This is the paradox I face. Is doing nothing just as bad as doing harm? Is taking action doing harm as well?
How do you deal with someone who harms animals and has intense feelings of negativity in their daily life? I've found it easier to deal with the negativity, but not the suffering of animals. She is also openly rascist and bigoted and this hurts as well. I think she does not realize a lot of things she does due to mental illness... but won't seek therapy.
Anyway... sorry if I am being too open. I have asked for advice from many people but I wanted to get a Buddhist take on it. Thank you to anyone that listens.
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Comments
There's also the problem that she doesn't know she's doing anything wrong. Due to the illness that causes people to hoard, she sees nothing wrong with her actions and takes little responsibility. I doubt punishment would do little but anger her and she would just replace the animals with something else... therapy is the best route, but it has to be her decision to go.
But remember, doing it anonymously and helping the animals and helping to keep some degree of calm in your life is better than letting the animals suffer because of semantics.
Therapy can help to some degree but your attitude towards it having to be her choice is not wise or skillful. If your mother is mentally ill and refuses to go then you are showing Idiot Compassion by standing by and saying you can't force her to go.
Also Animal Control can legally enforce her to never be able to own animals again.
In metta,
Raven
Word.
I am more open to the idea of animal control... she is a human with a voice and these are dependent animals that have no voice. Also, I just talked to my aunt who may take one of them.
Also, I think she just needs to NOT own animals. That would be best for her.
And with therapy... even if she went I doubt she'd meet the therapist halfway. So I'm not sure it would be that helpful. Change comes from within and she isn't very keen on change.
Perhaps you could get more information to make your decision by ringing animal control and asking what would be the consequence in this particular case and how it would be handled. Would it be a fine if so how much could it be jail in this particular circumstance. Do they recognize the role mental illness plays in someone behaving this way and do they ever make compromises such as agreeing to court ordered therapy rather than fine/jail.
Once you have more info would your aunty or another family member be willing to make the complaint? Usually you cant know til you ask. Let them know how it is affecting you how you feel.
I would also recommend not trying to think too far ahead in terms of her moving on to hoard something else because it is too far in the future and there are many factors involved. And there may be other opportunities at that time not just problems.
Concern yourself with what you can do and find out right now.
What you are witnessing is samsara in full flight. And it is not pretty to watch - especially with those close to you.
You could give the animals dharma teachings - this would assist in any future rebirth and enable you to demonstrate bodhichitta. You would develop much merit.
The alternative is to hand over responsibility to the appropriate authorities. Your mother will have to accept her responsibility. You may also have to talk to your mother about appropriate counselling. She appears to have a serious problem and that needs to be addressed.
I would imagine that fining and jailing would be extreme responses by authorities and would only be invoked when all else fails. So don't be too concerned over that aspect.
The biggest stone in your path is to realize emptiness. I would encourage you to be active in a Dharma center so you could access qualified teachers.
You pretty much hit the nail on the head... my mother, without realizing it, has created her own 'hell' by surrounding herself with negativity, hatred, and ignorance. She created a prison of her home by filling it with suffering animals and material possessions. She has little compassion for the suffering of others, does not take responsibilty for her actions, and places blame on everyone else for her actions.
Yes, some of those things I have done before. I have felt hate and anger. But I forgave myself for those feelings and moved on. I was mentally ill and the spark of compassion was a major part of my recovery.
I have sought out Dharma centers locally... the closest one is about an hour away, but I do plan to visit.
Mtns